fox_confessor: (god put a smile upon your face)
[personal profile] fox_confessor
THIS DAY, you guys. I had a doctor's appointment this morning that I made a couple of weeks ago for my back, which is wretched thing and I'm considering exiling it to someplace cold and lonely. Anyway, last Wednesday, I had a cavity filled on my upper right wisdom tooth, which led to some jaw pain (like a charlie horse, for those familiar, in my face so my dentist put me on muscle relaxers. I took the first last night, super excited about the prospect of sleeping all night (as I so rarely do because of my back) and sleeping in because my appointment meant I would go into work late.

Not to be. I woke at 12:30 with a stomach ache. I woke at 4:30 with the worst cramps ever. I woke my mom up at 7:30 because I thought I was going to pass out from the pain, which continued on until nearly 10. So terrible. Not since I was a teenager have they been so bad. In the doctor's office I had to be all, "no, don't pay attention to my awful awful state" but I also didn't get a chance to talk about my back because I've been having abdominal pain for a few weeks, that started after my appointment was made. So, he's checking for gall stones and an ulcer, and I'm quietly freaking out over here because he said something about me being pale (always. I'm always always this pale even if I were to sit in the sun for a week. In that case, I would burn hideously, peal, and then freckle. I'm a redhead. Or rather I used to be when I was young and cute.)(which only means that I'm old and cute now, with a heck of a lot of gray hair) Where was I? Ah yes, checking for anemia in case I'm slowly bleeding to death. *sigh* I do honestly mention that I have an anxiety disorder at every appointment and so we shouldn't say things like that. Ultrasound on Thursday.

So after alllll that, I get into work. Exhausted. I'm seriously dragging ass and had considered not even going because it'd been a trying day already and I wasn't getting points for being a martyr. I was even in jeans, so serious was my commitment to not going, but then I did because you guys: my desk. My job sucks from April to the end of August. It just does. In so many ways. It's literally the worst. Made worse because I have two new employees who have to be trained, which is a slow, painful process (if it is to be done right, which it absolutely has to be). In the meantime, I have my job. And the job of the person who left. And the job of the other position we created because I was already doing the work of two people. I am so tired. So very tired. And my desk has a pile of papers on it that is three feet thick (well, it's technically in four piles strewn across my office but you get my point). Mail and reports and requests and loan applications for three different programs and have I mentioned I hate this time of year because I really do. And my boss is a smart, tolerant, enjoyable woman well aware and tolerant of the fact that I sometimes lose my temper. I totally do that. Did I mention I have another employee on vacation this week? Anyway.

Cue one three hour meeting this afternoon, the main reason I went in in the first place, which resulted in me picking up yet another task I have no time to complete and absolutely, positively drawing a line in the sand about what I would not under any circumstances (create a report on a program I find highly annoying when another guy in the office could do it in ten minutes without breaking a sweat. It would take me an hour to figure it. Yet he thought it would be "a good opportunity" for me to "gain experience". My boss mentioned it and then backed right back out of the conversation with a quick, "I'll do it." YES. WHY DON'T YOU DO IT. *hulk smash* We didn't even get to her "long list of things to talk about" so I have to meet with her again tomorrow morning. And there's a webinar at 3. AND THEN I'm calling Thursday and Friday 100% off limits to anyone and everyone and I'm fucking working dammit at my desk without interruption. After my ultrasound to make sure I'm not dying anymore quickly than the next person.

So, there was that. My jaw hurts. My stomach hurts. My back hurts (always). My uterus tried to escape. I burnt my tongue on the soup I bought for dinner and couldn't finish it anyway because my cramps started again and I went to bed (anyone else get super cold when they have cramps? weird. and cramps in my feet. What's that about? I don't keep my ovaries in my feet.) for three hours, after which I got up to have cake for dinner and bitch to LJ for thirty minutes.

AND THEN because this day didn't suck nearly enough... I wrote a pinch hit for a community that shall not be named (but it's a good community, a good fest, run really well). Mind, I haven't written anything since December. FOUR MONTHS. I volunteered for this in a moment of pure altruism. I wanted to help a lovely mod out. I'd written for the fest before. I knew what it was. I read the prompt and the rules before agreeing. I wrote my fic. 2500 words that I was quite pleased with. I remembered at 9 last night (when I finished) how much I enjoyed writing. That kind of fic. It was lovely. It was also so very much wrong that the mod can't use it. I'm gutted. I can't believe I did that. This week.

Anyway. I'm going to post it to [livejournal.com profile] escribo and AO3 because why not. I wrote a thing. I like my thing. I can't believe I finished a thing at all much less enjoyed it. And then I'm putting myself to bed and getting through this week. There's still a lot stressful moments to be had but there is also chocolate.

Oh, and I didn't even get to talk to the doctor about my back. Or well, I did but then he wanted to give me a cortisone shot but I felt I hadn't explained the problem very well and I was really tired and upset and the prospect of a shot in the wrong place wasn't appealing, so I'm going back in a few weeks to see a sports medicine guy once I know what's going on with my stomach. And if it's an ulcer, I'm naming it after my former boss and blaming it on work.
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