fox_confessor (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
fox_confessor) wrote2008-04-15 07:26 am
fox_confessor) wrote2008-04-15 07:26 am
Entry tags:
Case of You, 1/7
Title: Case of You (No longer a WIP!) Chapter 1
Author: Dani
Fandom: Lotrips
Pairing: Billy/Dom
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: A work of fiction; the recognizable people in the story belong to themselves and have never performed the actions portrayed here. I do not know the actors nor am I associated with them in any way. If you are underage, please do not read this story. I am not making any profit from these stories, nor do I mean any harm.
Notes: This story was originally posted in 2002 but was an unfinished work in progress. It is now a completed work. This was the note in 2004 and then my laptop died, taking with it the finished chapters. Then I thought, what a better tribute to Monaboyd Month than to finish a WIP that's languished for six years?
Wellington, 1999
Out here at Peter and Fran’s, there are no city lights to obscure the stars in the broad New Zealand sky and no moon this night to speak of. It almost reminds Billy of home, the dark sky like a great overturned bowl, deep blue and stretching forever, and he misses being home, no matter how much he loves being in New Zealand.
Most of the cast and much of the crew had all spent the day outside, eating Peter’s Special Recipe lamb-burgers--an acquired taste to be sure, but one Billy is quickly gaining--and relaxing after a long, first week of filming, but the party had moved inside as the sun began to set and the night grew chill. Billy unconsciously slips his cold hands into his trouser pockets, a shiver running down his spine. The music and voices of the party sound very far away as he slips further into his thoughts and the water below him laps softly at the rocks on the shore, the surface of the lake still and all else quiet.
“I was wondering where you got off to,” Dominic says, his voice low. “Thought maybe someone had you cornered. Came to rescue you.”
Disturbed from his thoughts, Billy lowers his head and focuses his eyes on the lake below. The darkness of the night sky reflects on the still surface, making it seem infinitely deep. He feels as though that darkness and depth are surrounding him, crushing him. He longs for his family, his home. “There were just too many people all of a sudden.”
“Do you want me to leave?”
“No. Stay. I could actually use the company now. I was beginning to feel a little melancholy thinking of home.”
Billy feels Dominic's eyes on him for a long moment and he doesn't move. He's still getting used to this sort of attention from Dominic, and he doesn't even need to turn to know the look--as if Dominic is memorizing him, all the jokes fallen away. Finally, Dominic walks across the wooden beams of the deck to stand next to Billy at the railing and turns his head from side to side to take in the whole horizon. “It’s amazing, isn’t it?”
Billy takes his hands out of his pockets and wraps his arms around himself, rubbing his upper arms against the cool night air, wishing he’d thought to bring a jacket. He looks back up at the sky and says, “Reminds me of Glasgow.”
They stand quietly for a few more minutes, each lost in his own thoughts before Dominic finally breaks the silence. “They’re different here, you know, from home. A whole new night sky.”
Billy doesn’t say anything at first but begins searching the sky for something familiar. “Yeah. You’re right. I never noticed before.”
“My dad used to tell us stories about the stars, me and my brother.”
“Did he?”
“Yeah. He’d point to the sky, to a star, and say, ‘See that one, that one is for the widow of Ephesus,’ and then tell us the story. Most ended in some moral about why little boys should mind their fathers.”
Dominic turns to look at Billy, and their eyes meet before they smile, Dominic’s blue-grey eyes dancing with the memory. For a moment, Billy can't look away, his smile turning up the corners of his lips before he forces himself to search among the stars again rather than wonder at the sudden warmth spreading through his body. “So, who was she?”
“Hmm?”
“This lady of Ephesus. Who was she?”
“Widow. That was one of my favorite stories. It’s about a woman who was known for her devotion to her husband, and when he died, she refused to be separated from him. Followed with her maid into his tomb to die. Everyone tried to dissuade her, but she wouldn’t abandon him.”
The sound of Dominic’s rich voice envelops Billy, relaxing him even when Dominic moves a little closer, his arm sliding behind Billy’s back, around his waist. Billy leans into him a bit, finally finding warmth.
“Then one night, a soldier came to the tomb following the sound of her mourning wail. He saw her and thought she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. So, he tried to give her food, but she refused. Her maid begged her to eat, saying, ‘Do you suppose the shades and ashes of the dead are by such sorrow touched?’”
“You remember that?”
Dominic laughs and leans into Billy again. “It was my mum’s favorite. We heard it a lot.”
“So what happened?” Billy asks, pulling Dominic back from a moment's silent childhood memory. For a long time Dominic says nothing, waiting until Billy’s patience gives way--and his melancholy with it--and Billy digs his finger into Dominic’s side to demand the end of the story.
“The lady gave in and ate the food the soldier offered. The soldier fell in love with her because of her beauty and devotion, and begged her to marry him ... but she refused.”
Billy watches Dominic as he talks. Dominic glances at Billy, smiles, and turns back to the stars, his thumb massaging Billy’s waist. The only sound for several minutes is the water lapping at the platform supports beneath their feet. Billy waits for Dominic to continue, and when he doesn’t, Billy again asks, “What happened?” but now his voice is quiet and curious.
Dominic looks back down into Billy’s eyes, sure of what he sees there. He smiles, answering, “The soldier finally convinced her to marry him by telling her, ‘If love is pleasing, yield yourself to love.’ Then he kissed her. Like this.”
Leaning close to the upturned face before him, Dominic brushes his lips against Billy's. Billy doesn’t move, unable to decide whether to pull away or stay where he is, and Dominic doesn’t let him think too hard. Finding no resistance, Dominic leans in again, deepening the kiss--his tongue gently stroking Billy’s bottom lip, asking admittance. Dominic turns his body fully into Billy’s, his hand joining the other on Billy’s waist. They slide down and cling to Billy’s slim hips, his thumbs pressing gentle circles in the denim as Billy falls back heavily onto the railing of the deck.
***
Elijah stands at the kitchen counter looking out the small window to where Dominic and Billy stand talking. It seems almost too intimate a moment to observe but he can’t tear himself away. He’s known both of them for only a very short time, but that doesn’t seem to matter much. He’d known what Dominic had meant when he had told Elijah in hesitating tones that he was interested in guys, that he was bisexual. Dominic had meant that he was interested in his fellow Hobbit, Billy.
Concentrating on filling his glass, Elijah thinks about his reaction to this revelation from Dominic and the conversation that had followed. ”Yeah, man. That’s cool. I’ve never thought about it, you know? But, yeah. Are you going to tell Billy?” His response seems silly and childish now, and he wishes he could take it back and say something else. Something like what Billy would have said, but it had been talking about Billy that had brought up the topic in the first place. Billy, who flirted with everyone without even being aware of it. Whom Dominic admired and respected, and now, as Elijah knew, loved more than friendship would allow. And Dominic’s reaction, “No, I don’t think he ... I don’t know that he would ... I can’t tell him. He wouldn’t return it, and I don’t think he would like it much if I said anything.”
Laughing, Elijah had shaken his head, finding the thought that Billy would react with disgust ridiculous. Elijah knew that much about Billy; he may have thought it a joke at first or, understanding Dominic, been very caring and gentle in letting him down, but he would never hate Dominic for it. That was the reaction Elijah expected though--a gentle letdown. Billy had proven himself very much heterosexual in the past couple of months.
But looking back out the window now, Elijah sees Dominic bend his head down and kiss Billy, turning to embrace him. Apparently, Billy had taken the news quite well.
“Elijah?”
Elijah’s body jerks at the sudden voice and his bottle tips in his hand, spilling its contents onto the floor. “Oh shit.”
“Sorry, mate.”
“S’alright, Orlando. Just startled me.” Grabbing a rag from the sink, Elijah kneels down and begins to swipe at the mess.
“Came to find you. Peter wants the lot of you Hobbits out for a toast.” Grabbing a towel, Orlando kneels on the floor next to Elijah, helping to mop up the beer. Their hands bump together and Elijah drops his rag and swipes at his face. The touch of Orlando's hand on his arm makes him look back up.
“Are you sure you’re alright?”
“Tired, I guess.” Elijah shrugs his shoulders and drops his hands onto his thighs. “Orlando?”
“Yeah?”
But then Elijah shakes his head, unwilling to say what is on his mind. Orlando finishes cleaning up, dumping the rags back into the sink. Kneeling back down, he lifts Elijah’s chin between strong, callused fingers. Orlando smiles, his eyes serious for a change. “What’s bothering you?”
“I’ve been thinking about something Dom told me. I shouldn’t ...”
“He’s bisexual.”
Expelling a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding, Elijah nods his head. Orlando’s hand slips to his knee.
“It bothers you?”
“No! No. Not like you think. It’s just. I never ... I mean, I have friends who are gay and stuff back in the States, but I just ... When he told me, I just … It made me curious, you know?” His last words gush out in one breath, his voice dropping, and Orlando leans a little closer to hear them.
“Curious?” Orlando whispers. He suddenly seems different from the guy Elijah’s been hanging out with for the past several weeks. Older, somehow, as if he knows exactly what is on Elijah’s mind. Elijah blushes, whispers back, “I’ve only ever kissed girls, you know? I just saw Billy and Dom kissing, and I was wondering if it was different. And then I wondered if maybe I was, you know, that way, too.”
Orlando tilts his head closer towards Elijah’s, his words ghosting over Elijah’s lips. “Sometimes a kiss is just a kiss, you know?” Orlando covers Elijah’s lips with his own, kissing him softly before pulling away just a hair’s breadth. “Sometimes it’s more. Right?”
Elijah pulls away, a bit breathless. He covers his lips with his fingers and nods his head though not really sure what he’s agreeing with. Orlando is smiling at him, that serious façade gone and floppy, crazy Orlando back. Elijah accepts the offer of Orlando’s hand to stand up and their touch lingers just a bit longer than is expected. Breaking it, he shoves his hands into his back pockets. “We should get back.”
“Yeah. Oh, wait. Then you know where Billy and Dom are?”
Elijah looks over his shoulder out the window and sees them still on the deck. “They’re out there still. I’ll go get them.”
“Sure, man.” Orlando turns to leave then turns back. “Elijah? Was that all right? That I kissed you? You wanted me to, right?”
Easily disguising his uncertainty, Elijah smiles brightly, shrugging his shoulders. “You know, whatever. It was nice.”
“Nice.”
They look at each other for a long moment before Elijah repeats, “Nice.”
Elijah walks alone down the path towards the end of the deck, trying not to think about Orlando but finding it hard to push those thoughts to the back of his mind. He stops for a second, pulling out his pack of cloves and lighting one, dragging on it deeply--deciding that he’ll call his sister when he gets home, just to tell someone. He knows she'll laugh at him, and just the thought almost makes him feel better. Pulling hard on the little cigarette, he continues down the path.
***
The railing is hard against the small of Billy’s back, and Dominic’s thumbs have slipped under the bottom of Billy's untucked shirt and onto the bare skin of his stomach. Dominic tastes of wine and wood smoke from the fire that Peter had lit, very familiar and comforting. Still, Billy too quickly moves past the rush of ease and familiarity as he begins to feel the rise of panic.
“Dom ...” The name is mumbled from lips that haven’t yet given in to the kiss. “Dom ... Dom!” Billy finally acts, putting his hands on Dominic’s shoulders and pushing away. “What the fuck?”
“I’m sorry.” Dominic looks at his friend, dropping his hands and taking a step back.
“What the hell are you doing?” Billy feels slightly ill. He’s shaking from more than the cold now and feels a little dizzy. He reaches one hand unconsciously to cover his lips.
“It was just a kiss, Billy. I didn’t think you’d mind.”
“You just kissed me,” Billy repeats. Realizing he’s still touching his lips, he drops his hand to his side.
“I know.”
“You just kissed me.”
“It’s okay, Billy. It won’t happen again. I thought ...” Dominic lets the thought trail off. “Calm down. I thought for a second that you might be into chaps, too. I should have asked.”
“I’m not,” Billy says a little too quickly, his voice loud in the quiet. He steps further away from Dominic, folding his arms in front of him.
“Okay. All right. I’m sorry. Let’s go back inside.” Dominic takes a step towards Billy and touches his shoulder, nudging him back towards the party before turning and walking back across the deck. Billy doesn’t follow.
“I didn’t know you were.”
Dominic stops, shoving his hands deep into his trouser pockets. He looks up the path that leads to the house where he can see and hear the party he wishes he hadn’t left. Sighing, he evades Billy’s question. “Were what?”
“Attracted to men.”
“You know, whatever.” Dominic is afraid of this line of questioning--afraid of damaging their relationship further with his answers. He’d been so sure of what he'd seen in Billy’s face earlier and had thought about nothing other than kissing him. Indeed, he'd thought of little else since they'd met so many weeks ago. “I like to kiss.”
“So, are you or aren’t you?”
“Am I or am I not, what?”
Billy stares at the back of Dominic’s head in silent disbelief. They had just kissed and now Dominic is teasing him in his familiar way, as if nothing has happened. As if it hadn't meant anything. He knows Dominic is willing to ignore what has just happened, but Billy isn’t sure he will be able to.
“Dom.”
Dominic slowly turns around, hesitant to answer. Billy’s eyebrows are drawn together, his face showing confusion. Dominic raises a hand and runs it over his own short hair. He meets Billy’s stare and says, “I don’t think about it too much, Billy. I apologized. I like you, and I thought for a moment you wouldn’t mind me kissing you. You do. I won’t. Is it going to destroy our friendship?”
“No.”
“Does it bother you that I like to kiss?”
“No.”
“Men?”
“No.”
“Are we okay?”
“Aye.”
“Then let’s go back to the party. We can both find girls to kiss instead. Plenty of them.”
“Yeah,” Billy answers, distracted. Billy lets Dominic turn and take a few more steps before he takes his own step forward and stops. “Wait.”
Dominic turns around again and faces Billy. Billy’s voice is quiet and Dominic has to strain to hear him. “When did you know ... that you were ... to men.”
Dominic doesn’t answer immediately, relieved by what Billy’s asked, but he takes his time to think of how to phrase his answer. He walks back to lean against the railing behind Billy and crosses his arms. “I don’t know. I guess I always knew, but I never really acted on it until a couple of years ago.”
Billy leans back on the railing next to Dominic, considering Dominic’s answer and his own thoughts. His hands rub at his shoulders again and he finds that he misses the warmth Dominic had surrounded him with, which leads him back to the kiss. He feels the heat now as a blush upon his cheeks. When he turns to peek at Dominic, he finds Dominic is watching him and he blushes harder before he turns away to look back out over the water.
A moment later, before either of them can break their silence, Billy and Dominic turn their heads at the sound of Elijah coming down the path and it makes Elijah stop, self-conscious and unwilling to intrude further. He clears his throat loudly and, in his mind, belatedly. “There you guys are. We were wondering.”
Elijah raises his eyebrows to Dominic and is surprised by the shake of the head, wondering what else he had missed when he was with Orlando--the memory of which brings a blush to his cheeks. “Peter wants us in there for a toast.”
“All right. We’re coming.” Looking back to Billy, Dominic stands up straight. “You coming?”
Elijah takes a last deep drag on his cigarette before he stubs it on the bottom of his shoe, meaning to carry what's left back up to the house. He watches as Billy seems to shrink a bit. Fade, Elijah thinks. He wonders a second time what he's missed.
Billy looks back out over the water and answers, “You two go ahead. I’ll catch up in a minute.”
Turning back to walk alone towards the house, Elijah feels very much as though he has intruded. He hears Dominic apologize in a soft voice, hears Billy reply in kindness. In a moment, Dominic’s soft footsteps fall in step behind him as they climb back towards the house. At the top of the path, they stop and look back towards where Billy stands, hands in his pockets and head tilted back to look at the stars. Orlando’s words come back to Elijah. Sometimes a kiss is just a kiss. He knows that hadn’t been the case here. “What happened?”
“I don’t know. I feel like such a prat.”
“Did you tell him?”
“I think he figured it out. I kissed him and he didn’t exactly return it.”
“I’m sorry, Dom.” Elijah puts his hand on Dominic’s arm and squeezes. “I wouldn’t have encouraged you to--"
“Don’t apologize. It was my fault. I … we were talking and I just thought that he might feel the same way. He was looking up at me, and I just … such an idiot. He’ll probably hate me now.”
“No, he won’t. Billy’s not like that.”
“I know," Dominic says, his voice heavy with disappointment. "Which is worse, I think. He’ll be kind--sympathetic--and we won’t ever talk about it again.”
Elijah is at a loss as to what to say. Dominic goes back into the house leaving Elijah standing outside, watching as Billy begins to walk up the path. When he reaches Elijah, he stops and they stare at one another for a moment, Billy’s smile sad. Elijah wants to say something to Billy--something that will make things better for both Dominic and Billy, but again, he's at a loss. “Billy?”
“Peter’s waiting, lad.”
Elijah nods, feeling the age difference between them for the first time, and says nothing. Instead, he follows Billy inside, confused but not surprised when Billy is the first to start the round of jokes and toasts.
Author: Dani
Fandom: Lotrips
Pairing: Billy/Dom
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: A work of fiction; the recognizable people in the story belong to themselves and have never performed the actions portrayed here. I do not know the actors nor am I associated with them in any way. If you are underage, please do not read this story. I am not making any profit from these stories, nor do I mean any harm.
Notes: This story was originally posted in 2002 but was an unfinished work in progress. It is now a completed work. This was the note in 2004 and then my laptop died, taking with it the finished chapters. Then I thought, what a better tribute to Monaboyd Month than to finish a WIP that's languished for six years?
Wellington, 1999
Out here at Peter and Fran’s, there are no city lights to obscure the stars in the broad New Zealand sky and no moon this night to speak of. It almost reminds Billy of home, the dark sky like a great overturned bowl, deep blue and stretching forever, and he misses being home, no matter how much he loves being in New Zealand.
Most of the cast and much of the crew had all spent the day outside, eating Peter’s Special Recipe lamb-burgers--an acquired taste to be sure, but one Billy is quickly gaining--and relaxing after a long, first week of filming, but the party had moved inside as the sun began to set and the night grew chill. Billy unconsciously slips his cold hands into his trouser pockets, a shiver running down his spine. The music and voices of the party sound very far away as he slips further into his thoughts and the water below him laps softly at the rocks on the shore, the surface of the lake still and all else quiet.
“I was wondering where you got off to,” Dominic says, his voice low. “Thought maybe someone had you cornered. Came to rescue you.”
Disturbed from his thoughts, Billy lowers his head and focuses his eyes on the lake below. The darkness of the night sky reflects on the still surface, making it seem infinitely deep. He feels as though that darkness and depth are surrounding him, crushing him. He longs for his family, his home. “There were just too many people all of a sudden.”
“Do you want me to leave?”
“No. Stay. I could actually use the company now. I was beginning to feel a little melancholy thinking of home.”
Billy feels Dominic's eyes on him for a long moment and he doesn't move. He's still getting used to this sort of attention from Dominic, and he doesn't even need to turn to know the look--as if Dominic is memorizing him, all the jokes fallen away. Finally, Dominic walks across the wooden beams of the deck to stand next to Billy at the railing and turns his head from side to side to take in the whole horizon. “It’s amazing, isn’t it?”
Billy takes his hands out of his pockets and wraps his arms around himself, rubbing his upper arms against the cool night air, wishing he’d thought to bring a jacket. He looks back up at the sky and says, “Reminds me of Glasgow.”
They stand quietly for a few more minutes, each lost in his own thoughts before Dominic finally breaks the silence. “They’re different here, you know, from home. A whole new night sky.”
Billy doesn’t say anything at first but begins searching the sky for something familiar. “Yeah. You’re right. I never noticed before.”
“My dad used to tell us stories about the stars, me and my brother.”
“Did he?”
“Yeah. He’d point to the sky, to a star, and say, ‘See that one, that one is for the widow of Ephesus,’ and then tell us the story. Most ended in some moral about why little boys should mind their fathers.”
Dominic turns to look at Billy, and their eyes meet before they smile, Dominic’s blue-grey eyes dancing with the memory. For a moment, Billy can't look away, his smile turning up the corners of his lips before he forces himself to search among the stars again rather than wonder at the sudden warmth spreading through his body. “So, who was she?”
“Hmm?”
“This lady of Ephesus. Who was she?”
“Widow. That was one of my favorite stories. It’s about a woman who was known for her devotion to her husband, and when he died, she refused to be separated from him. Followed with her maid into his tomb to die. Everyone tried to dissuade her, but she wouldn’t abandon him.”
The sound of Dominic’s rich voice envelops Billy, relaxing him even when Dominic moves a little closer, his arm sliding behind Billy’s back, around his waist. Billy leans into him a bit, finally finding warmth.
“Then one night, a soldier came to the tomb following the sound of her mourning wail. He saw her and thought she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. So, he tried to give her food, but she refused. Her maid begged her to eat, saying, ‘Do you suppose the shades and ashes of the dead are by such sorrow touched?’”
“You remember that?”
Dominic laughs and leans into Billy again. “It was my mum’s favorite. We heard it a lot.”
“So what happened?” Billy asks, pulling Dominic back from a moment's silent childhood memory. For a long time Dominic says nothing, waiting until Billy’s patience gives way--and his melancholy with it--and Billy digs his finger into Dominic’s side to demand the end of the story.
“The lady gave in and ate the food the soldier offered. The soldier fell in love with her because of her beauty and devotion, and begged her to marry him ... but she refused.”
Billy watches Dominic as he talks. Dominic glances at Billy, smiles, and turns back to the stars, his thumb massaging Billy’s waist. The only sound for several minutes is the water lapping at the platform supports beneath their feet. Billy waits for Dominic to continue, and when he doesn’t, Billy again asks, “What happened?” but now his voice is quiet and curious.
Dominic looks back down into Billy’s eyes, sure of what he sees there. He smiles, answering, “The soldier finally convinced her to marry him by telling her, ‘If love is pleasing, yield yourself to love.’ Then he kissed her. Like this.”
Leaning close to the upturned face before him, Dominic brushes his lips against Billy's. Billy doesn’t move, unable to decide whether to pull away or stay where he is, and Dominic doesn’t let him think too hard. Finding no resistance, Dominic leans in again, deepening the kiss--his tongue gently stroking Billy’s bottom lip, asking admittance. Dominic turns his body fully into Billy’s, his hand joining the other on Billy’s waist. They slide down and cling to Billy’s slim hips, his thumbs pressing gentle circles in the denim as Billy falls back heavily onto the railing of the deck.
***
Elijah stands at the kitchen counter looking out the small window to where Dominic and Billy stand talking. It seems almost too intimate a moment to observe but he can’t tear himself away. He’s known both of them for only a very short time, but that doesn’t seem to matter much. He’d known what Dominic had meant when he had told Elijah in hesitating tones that he was interested in guys, that he was bisexual. Dominic had meant that he was interested in his fellow Hobbit, Billy.
Concentrating on filling his glass, Elijah thinks about his reaction to this revelation from Dominic and the conversation that had followed. ”Yeah, man. That’s cool. I’ve never thought about it, you know? But, yeah. Are you going to tell Billy?” His response seems silly and childish now, and he wishes he could take it back and say something else. Something like what Billy would have said, but it had been talking about Billy that had brought up the topic in the first place. Billy, who flirted with everyone without even being aware of it. Whom Dominic admired and respected, and now, as Elijah knew, loved more than friendship would allow. And Dominic’s reaction, “No, I don’t think he ... I don’t know that he would ... I can’t tell him. He wouldn’t return it, and I don’t think he would like it much if I said anything.”
Laughing, Elijah had shaken his head, finding the thought that Billy would react with disgust ridiculous. Elijah knew that much about Billy; he may have thought it a joke at first or, understanding Dominic, been very caring and gentle in letting him down, but he would never hate Dominic for it. That was the reaction Elijah expected though--a gentle letdown. Billy had proven himself very much heterosexual in the past couple of months.
But looking back out the window now, Elijah sees Dominic bend his head down and kiss Billy, turning to embrace him. Apparently, Billy had taken the news quite well.
“Elijah?”
Elijah’s body jerks at the sudden voice and his bottle tips in his hand, spilling its contents onto the floor. “Oh shit.”
“Sorry, mate.”
“S’alright, Orlando. Just startled me.” Grabbing a rag from the sink, Elijah kneels down and begins to swipe at the mess.
“Came to find you. Peter wants the lot of you Hobbits out for a toast.” Grabbing a towel, Orlando kneels on the floor next to Elijah, helping to mop up the beer. Their hands bump together and Elijah drops his rag and swipes at his face. The touch of Orlando's hand on his arm makes him look back up.
“Are you sure you’re alright?”
“Tired, I guess.” Elijah shrugs his shoulders and drops his hands onto his thighs. “Orlando?”
“Yeah?”
But then Elijah shakes his head, unwilling to say what is on his mind. Orlando finishes cleaning up, dumping the rags back into the sink. Kneeling back down, he lifts Elijah’s chin between strong, callused fingers. Orlando smiles, his eyes serious for a change. “What’s bothering you?”
“I’ve been thinking about something Dom told me. I shouldn’t ...”
“He’s bisexual.”
Expelling a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding, Elijah nods his head. Orlando’s hand slips to his knee.
“It bothers you?”
“No! No. Not like you think. It’s just. I never ... I mean, I have friends who are gay and stuff back in the States, but I just ... When he told me, I just … It made me curious, you know?” His last words gush out in one breath, his voice dropping, and Orlando leans a little closer to hear them.
“Curious?” Orlando whispers. He suddenly seems different from the guy Elijah’s been hanging out with for the past several weeks. Older, somehow, as if he knows exactly what is on Elijah’s mind. Elijah blushes, whispers back, “I’ve only ever kissed girls, you know? I just saw Billy and Dom kissing, and I was wondering if it was different. And then I wondered if maybe I was, you know, that way, too.”
Orlando tilts his head closer towards Elijah’s, his words ghosting over Elijah’s lips. “Sometimes a kiss is just a kiss, you know?” Orlando covers Elijah’s lips with his own, kissing him softly before pulling away just a hair’s breadth. “Sometimes it’s more. Right?”
Elijah pulls away, a bit breathless. He covers his lips with his fingers and nods his head though not really sure what he’s agreeing with. Orlando is smiling at him, that serious façade gone and floppy, crazy Orlando back. Elijah accepts the offer of Orlando’s hand to stand up and their touch lingers just a bit longer than is expected. Breaking it, he shoves his hands into his back pockets. “We should get back.”
“Yeah. Oh, wait. Then you know where Billy and Dom are?”
Elijah looks over his shoulder out the window and sees them still on the deck. “They’re out there still. I’ll go get them.”
“Sure, man.” Orlando turns to leave then turns back. “Elijah? Was that all right? That I kissed you? You wanted me to, right?”
Easily disguising his uncertainty, Elijah smiles brightly, shrugging his shoulders. “You know, whatever. It was nice.”
“Nice.”
They look at each other for a long moment before Elijah repeats, “Nice.”
Elijah walks alone down the path towards the end of the deck, trying not to think about Orlando but finding it hard to push those thoughts to the back of his mind. He stops for a second, pulling out his pack of cloves and lighting one, dragging on it deeply--deciding that he’ll call his sister when he gets home, just to tell someone. He knows she'll laugh at him, and just the thought almost makes him feel better. Pulling hard on the little cigarette, he continues down the path.
***
The railing is hard against the small of Billy’s back, and Dominic’s thumbs have slipped under the bottom of Billy's untucked shirt and onto the bare skin of his stomach. Dominic tastes of wine and wood smoke from the fire that Peter had lit, very familiar and comforting. Still, Billy too quickly moves past the rush of ease and familiarity as he begins to feel the rise of panic.
“Dom ...” The name is mumbled from lips that haven’t yet given in to the kiss. “Dom ... Dom!” Billy finally acts, putting his hands on Dominic’s shoulders and pushing away. “What the fuck?”
“I’m sorry.” Dominic looks at his friend, dropping his hands and taking a step back.
“What the hell are you doing?” Billy feels slightly ill. He’s shaking from more than the cold now and feels a little dizzy. He reaches one hand unconsciously to cover his lips.
“It was just a kiss, Billy. I didn’t think you’d mind.”
“You just kissed me,” Billy repeats. Realizing he’s still touching his lips, he drops his hand to his side.
“I know.”
“You just kissed me.”
“It’s okay, Billy. It won’t happen again. I thought ...” Dominic lets the thought trail off. “Calm down. I thought for a second that you might be into chaps, too. I should have asked.”
“I’m not,” Billy says a little too quickly, his voice loud in the quiet. He steps further away from Dominic, folding his arms in front of him.
“Okay. All right. I’m sorry. Let’s go back inside.” Dominic takes a step towards Billy and touches his shoulder, nudging him back towards the party before turning and walking back across the deck. Billy doesn’t follow.
“I didn’t know you were.”
Dominic stops, shoving his hands deep into his trouser pockets. He looks up the path that leads to the house where he can see and hear the party he wishes he hadn’t left. Sighing, he evades Billy’s question. “Were what?”
“Attracted to men.”
“You know, whatever.” Dominic is afraid of this line of questioning--afraid of damaging their relationship further with his answers. He’d been so sure of what he'd seen in Billy’s face earlier and had thought about nothing other than kissing him. Indeed, he'd thought of little else since they'd met so many weeks ago. “I like to kiss.”
“So, are you or aren’t you?”
“Am I or am I not, what?”
Billy stares at the back of Dominic’s head in silent disbelief. They had just kissed and now Dominic is teasing him in his familiar way, as if nothing has happened. As if it hadn't meant anything. He knows Dominic is willing to ignore what has just happened, but Billy isn’t sure he will be able to.
“Dom.”
Dominic slowly turns around, hesitant to answer. Billy’s eyebrows are drawn together, his face showing confusion. Dominic raises a hand and runs it over his own short hair. He meets Billy’s stare and says, “I don’t think about it too much, Billy. I apologized. I like you, and I thought for a moment you wouldn’t mind me kissing you. You do. I won’t. Is it going to destroy our friendship?”
“No.”
“Does it bother you that I like to kiss?”
“No.”
“Men?”
“No.”
“Are we okay?”
“Aye.”
“Then let’s go back to the party. We can both find girls to kiss instead. Plenty of them.”
“Yeah,” Billy answers, distracted. Billy lets Dominic turn and take a few more steps before he takes his own step forward and stops. “Wait.”
Dominic turns around again and faces Billy. Billy’s voice is quiet and Dominic has to strain to hear him. “When did you know ... that you were ... to men.”
Dominic doesn’t answer immediately, relieved by what Billy’s asked, but he takes his time to think of how to phrase his answer. He walks back to lean against the railing behind Billy and crosses his arms. “I don’t know. I guess I always knew, but I never really acted on it until a couple of years ago.”
Billy leans back on the railing next to Dominic, considering Dominic’s answer and his own thoughts. His hands rub at his shoulders again and he finds that he misses the warmth Dominic had surrounded him with, which leads him back to the kiss. He feels the heat now as a blush upon his cheeks. When he turns to peek at Dominic, he finds Dominic is watching him and he blushes harder before he turns away to look back out over the water.
A moment later, before either of them can break their silence, Billy and Dominic turn their heads at the sound of Elijah coming down the path and it makes Elijah stop, self-conscious and unwilling to intrude further. He clears his throat loudly and, in his mind, belatedly. “There you guys are. We were wondering.”
Elijah raises his eyebrows to Dominic and is surprised by the shake of the head, wondering what else he had missed when he was with Orlando--the memory of which brings a blush to his cheeks. “Peter wants us in there for a toast.”
“All right. We’re coming.” Looking back to Billy, Dominic stands up straight. “You coming?”
Elijah takes a last deep drag on his cigarette before he stubs it on the bottom of his shoe, meaning to carry what's left back up to the house. He watches as Billy seems to shrink a bit. Fade, Elijah thinks. He wonders a second time what he's missed.
Billy looks back out over the water and answers, “You two go ahead. I’ll catch up in a minute.”
Turning back to walk alone towards the house, Elijah feels very much as though he has intruded. He hears Dominic apologize in a soft voice, hears Billy reply in kindness. In a moment, Dominic’s soft footsteps fall in step behind him as they climb back towards the house. At the top of the path, they stop and look back towards where Billy stands, hands in his pockets and head tilted back to look at the stars. Orlando’s words come back to Elijah. Sometimes a kiss is just a kiss. He knows that hadn’t been the case here. “What happened?”
“I don’t know. I feel like such a prat.”
“Did you tell him?”
“I think he figured it out. I kissed him and he didn’t exactly return it.”
“I’m sorry, Dom.” Elijah puts his hand on Dominic’s arm and squeezes. “I wouldn’t have encouraged you to--"
“Don’t apologize. It was my fault. I … we were talking and I just thought that he might feel the same way. He was looking up at me, and I just … such an idiot. He’ll probably hate me now.”
“No, he won’t. Billy’s not like that.”
“I know," Dominic says, his voice heavy with disappointment. "Which is worse, I think. He’ll be kind--sympathetic--and we won’t ever talk about it again.”
Elijah is at a loss as to what to say. Dominic goes back into the house leaving Elijah standing outside, watching as Billy begins to walk up the path. When he reaches Elijah, he stops and they stare at one another for a moment, Billy’s smile sad. Elijah wants to say something to Billy--something that will make things better for both Dominic and Billy, but again, he's at a loss. “Billy?”
“Peter’s waiting, lad.”
Elijah nods, feeling the age difference between them for the first time, and says nothing. Instead, he follows Billy inside, confused but not surprised when Billy is the first to start the round of jokes and toasts.