Jun. 21st, 2010 12:13 pm
Fic: These Four Kings (Year Two 2/4)
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fox_confessorTitle: These Four Kings (Year Two 2/4)
Author: Dani (![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
escribo)
Word Count: 4754
Rating: PG
(Pairings: in the future will be remus/sirius, lily/james)
Timeline: October 23 (Monday) 1972
Summary: They know but now they're faced with the truth
Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No copyright infringement is intended. I've not made nor seek any profit.
Year 1: one/ two/ three/ four/ five/ six/ seven
Year 2: one
It seemed like forever to Sirius before James finally came sauntering up from the dungeons, his detention served, and they began making their slow way up to the Great Hall for dinner, already ten minutes late. Despite the afternoon spent scrubbing cauldrons until they shone, James was in a good mood, his hand jammed firmly into his pockets as he whistled tunelessly between retellings of how he managed to replace Snape's agave seed with a similarly sized and shaped Chaste Tree acorn. Peter's face lit up as he helped James describe the resulting explosion when Snape tossed the seed into his potion, which Sirius had missed because he'd used the distraction to sneak into the stores to steal more hen's teeth.
Now, all through dinner, Sirius was unusually quiet, which was enough to earn him several well-placed kicks from James when he got no laughs except Peter's for his jokes, and with each kick, Sirius' scowl deepened.
"I don't understand how Remus can be so absolute pants at Potions and yet come up with something as genius as the prank this morning." James leaned forward on his elbows to look around Sirius to where Severus sat at the foot of the Slytherin table. He looked strangely and permanently startled, and glared when he noticed that James was staring at him.
"It's not that he can't do it," Sirius said, finally drawn from his long silence. "It's that he's not there to do it, and Slughorn takes points from him for it."
"We know that. You know what I meant." James tore off and tossed a piece of his roll at Sirius, and Sirius returned it with another scowl. "Why are you in such a foul mood?"
"I tried to see him after classes but Pomfrey said he has dragon pox and that I couldn't be near him."
"It was dragon pox last January, remember?" Peter asked.
"Doesn't matter if it was. She knows I had it when I was little but she still wouldn't let me in."
"Not that you're surprised, right? Considering that--"
"Yes, Peter, we know, but he's got to hate being in the infirmary with just Pomfrey." Sirius pushed his plate away and rested his chin on his folded hands.
It had only been less than a week ago that they'd told Remus they knew, and it'd been the hardest thing Sirius had ever done. They'd all promised him--Sirius had promised him--that it didn't matter, that they didn't care. All throughout that evening though, Sirius had seen nothing but absolute terror in Remus' eyes, even as he'd settled at a table in the Common Room, retracing the lines of his map onto a new piece of parchment, and Sirius had hated it. Late that night, after James and Peter had gone to sleep, Sirius had crept into Remus' bed to find him still awake, and made promises that he knew he was unlikely to be able to keep, but he hadn't been able to help himself. This had been one of them, that he would visit with Remus in the infirmary so Remus would know they weren't afraid, that Sirius wasn't afraid.
Sirius bit at his lip for a minute, turning to stare across the room at the back of his brother's head, before he looked back at James, willing him to understand that he was done breaking promises. "I swore to him that I would come."
"Right," James said, sitting up straighter and placing his hands flat on the table in front of him. "So, we'll go see him."
"How are we going to get past Pomfrey?"
"We just have to make sure she doesn't see us." James grinned a little maniacally and Sirius knew James already had a plan, as he always did, and Sirius sat up, ready to hear it. "I was saving this for your birthday but since it's only a week away."
"Saving what?" Sirius asked. James didn't keep secrets, not like Remus who had reason to keep them, and certainly not from Sirius, not to mention they were in and out of each other's trunks every day.
"I'm not telling! You and Peter just meet me on the third floor near the statue of Wilhelmina the Wicked."
Fifteen minutes later, Sirius was pacing the hall while Peter was counting off all the Quidditch seekers for England over the last century, as if he was taking a roll call. Sirius was beginning to think it was some kind of nervous tic of Peter's, Quidditch stats, and he closed his eyes against the noise of it, sliding down to sit on the cold, stone floor, his back against the wall, and wondered where James had buggered off to. Suddenly everything was quiet and Sirius opened one eye to see what had distracted Peter and found that he stood in the middle of the hall, his hand outstretched as his book bag floated away from him.
"It's just Peeves, Peter." Peter only just tilted his head and watched as his bag was upended and the contents dumped on the floor. "For Merlin's-- Your wand, Peter! Use your wand!"
Sirius began to draw out his own wand but it was too late for that. He felt the still invisible Peeves grab his ankle and drag him across the floor and down the hall. Sirius' mouth fell open, shocked because Peeves never tried to do anything but ingratiate himself to the Black brothers. He heard laughing then, James' laughter, and then James was there, at least his head was. "What about your wand, Sirius? Stop frowning at me so. It was a good joke."
"I know what that is," Peter said, his book bag forgotten as he raced over to James as the rest of his body appeared in the hall. Peter reached out to run his hand over the shimmering cloth James held in his hands and gasped.
"Where did you get it?" Sirius asked, forgetting to be mad and raising up onto his knees to crawl over to where James and Peter sat.
"It was in a trunk in our attic that belonged to my Grandpa Potter, I think. Anyway, that's where I found it, and it's how we'll get past Pomfrey."
"Does your mum and dad know you have it?"
"Not exactly. Nobody's been up there in ages though so it won't be missed." James swirled the cloak around him and half his body disappeared, leaving only his head and arm uncovered. "You don't mind that it's just me and Sirius this time, do you Pete? We'd probably all fit, even with Remus, only I did plan to show it to Sirius first for his birthday."
"Sure. That's okay," he whispered, his eyes and hand still on the shimmering material.
"We'll need you to go up and distract Madame Pomfrey."
"How?"
"I don't know. Think of something," James said as he lifted the hem of the cloak and pulled Sirius in with him. "Ask her a question or something."
"This is so weird," Sirius whispered as Peter headed off alone down the hall on his way to the infirmary. "You've used it before, haven't you."
"I had to test it out."
"That's how you got Peter's comic books back from Filch. I would have gone with you."
"I know. It was meant to be a surprise though, this, for your birthday. I had it all planned out. I'll have to think of something else now."
"No. This is good, James. I don't need anything else."
"You won't have any surprises on your birthday, though, except Remus'. Peter'll give you candy again and your parents will send you--"
"A howler, most likely."
"Money, I was going to say, like last year."
"I asked for a broom. They'll think it's silly because I didn't make the Quidditch team."
"We'll try out again next year."
"Thirteen. They'll probably send me dress robes and socks. Thank you, James, for this. For--" Sirius faltered then stopped, unable to find the words for what he really wanted to say, and scowled again, unaccountable furious with his parents. He was glad that James couldn't see him as they moved along the corridors toward the infirmary. He'd been taught write elegant letters of appreciation for gifts but he never meant a word of them, just knew the sound of them by rote and so had no idea what to say for this, for the trust and faith James put in him, that James gave.
James just shrugged his shoulders. "I'll still think up a good surprise for your birthday, and I know you'll like Lupin's."
"You know what Remus got me?" Sirius's voice rose up and his anger fell away, happy enough to get back on more familiar ground but James just hummed noncommittally. "C'mon, James. Tell me."
"No way. He made me promise. Look." James stopped and they both watched as Peter shuffled his feet in front of Madame Pomfrey just outside the infirmary and made urgent motions toward his chest until she finally let him in. James and Sirius, hidden beneath the cloak, sneaked inside behind them while staying well back. They stood stock still near the door while Madame Pomfrey ushered Peter into her office and waited until they couldn't hear voices anymore before they went to find Remus.
They found him in a bed surrounded by a screen, asleep and looking pale and small in a teeming pile of sheets, blankets, pillows, and stark white bandages that covered his thin arms, shoulder and chest. Bruises still blossomed across his face despite Poppy's best efforts and a thin, jagged cut disappeared into his hairline. It was the first time either James or Sirius had actually seen Remus so soon after the full, and for a moment, they both just stood a little stunned before Sirius pulled off the cloak and fell to his knees at the edge of the bed.
A few days after they told him they knew, Remus taught them all the fireworks charm his dad had taught him, which Remus had refused to do before even after weeks of wheedling by James and Sirius. Reaching out to carefully touch the bandage covering the back of Remus' hand, Sirius thought about the way Remus' hands had looked as he spent an extra hour with Peter until Peter could manage a small but bright purple starburst. The fireworks were why Sirius had stolen the hens' teeth because they'd used up the small bag that Remus' father had given him. They told him again in the middle of making bright blue shooting stars whizz around their room that it didn't matter that he was a werewolf, that it was actually really cool.
It wasn't, Sirius knew now.
Sirius pressed the back of his against Remus' and James moved to stand closer to them, both now better understanding the scars they'd seen on Remus' body and the fear that had been in his eyes.
After a few minutes, Remus opened his eyes, blinking at them before he grinned. "I didn't think Poppy would let you in."
"She wouldn't," James said. "Poppy?"
"Madame Pomfrey. It's her name."
"Sure, but a first name basis?"
"Shut it, James." Remus was still grinning, though, which gave Sirius a bit of courage even as he kept his hand pressed tight against Remus', wanting to grab on but afraid to, afraid of hurting him, afraid of what James would think. Instead, he stayed quiet, listening to James and Remus talk.
"We played the prank on Snape in Potions this morning. Worked a charm."
"I told you it would, though I didn't know you were going to use it on him."
"Who else?"
"I don't know. He was in here, though. Did it--"
"Just his eyebrows, like you said."
"He was blaming Sirius," Remus whispered, his voice rasping and hoarse to Sirius' ears.
"Sirius always gets all the credit," James said and Remus laughed quietly at how put out he looked. "He does!"
"It's not credit, you dolt," Sirius said, heartened a bit at the sound of Remus' laugh. "We're lucky we didn't get anything more than five points from Gryffindor, though we wouldn't have even got that if you hadn't dropped the other acorn."
"It could have been mine. Slughorn only docked points because he's Head of Slytherin and it's like some kind of rule." James shrugged as if the actions of the professors were too bizarre to even contemplate. "You should have seen Snape, though."
"I did, when he came in. After that Poppy put up the screens. She said she has to keep me an extra day now because of the dragon pox thing so that nobody finds out." Remus looked embarrassed and pressed back against Sirius' hand, stretching his fingers until Sirius grabbed hold of them in a quick squeeze before letting go. "He looked really mad, especially when he saw me."
"He can't think you had anything to do with it." Sirius couldn't help the blaze of anger that coursed through him, though he found it familiar and almost comforting, better than the helpless feeling that stole over him whenever he looked at Remus.
"But I did, right? I--"
"We know that, but he doesn't."
"It's alright, Sirius."
"It's not. We'll take care of it, James and me."
"Who brought you this stuff?" James asked, pointing at a bag of candies that had spilled open next to a glass of water and a tall, green bottle of potion.
"The Headmaster."
“Dumbledore comes around?”
“Yeah. Sometimes.”
“Does it hurt much?” Sirius asked, his voice quiet, and Remus flicked his gaze to Sirius, to where Sirius had moved his hand to tentatively touch the bandage on Remus' arm, smoothing its edges.
“Not so much now,” Remus said.
"I told Sirius you'd be alright. He was up half the night worrying like an old lady."
"Shut it, James. I wasn't." Sirius felt his cheeks begin flush and he stretched across the bed to try to cuff James' arm but James jumped away, grinning at Remus.
"He tried to get me to say what his birthday presents were, too."
"I wasn't. He did show me the cloak, though. Did you know about it?"
Remus didn't get the chance to answer. The door at the end of the rows of beds that led to Madame Pomfrey's office creaked open as she came back with Peter in tow. All three boys froze and then James and Sirius scrambled for the cloak again.
“I’ll come back later,” Sirius whispered, his eyes sparkling with mischief as he watched Remus' eyes go round with surprise at the sight of the invisibility cloak. He hadn't known. Remus pushed himself up on his elbow and held out his hand to them but dropped back just as quickly when they heard Madame Pomfrey and Peter just outside the screen enclosing Remus' bed. Remus closed his eyes as if asleep and James made sure they were covered completely before they stepped around the screen to follow Madame Pomfrey and Peter to the door. What they heard next, though, stopped them in their tracks.
“Pettigrew.” Professor McGonagall's voice was sharp in her surprise, and James and Sirius stopped, quickly stepping back behind the screen as if she would be able to see them. Sirius turned his head to look at Remus, saw he was sitting up again, his eyes wide but with worry this time. “What are you doing out at this time of night?”
“I had a question,” Peter stammered.
“And where are Potter and Black. Not likely too far behind, are they.”
“No ma’am. I mean, yes ma’am. I mean I don't know where they are but they would have teased me.”
“Oh, Minerva, let the boy alone.” There was laughter around the edges of Poppy’s voice and Sirius turned back to the sound of it, moving to the edge of the screen with James to look out. Peter's face was beet red and he was rubbing his hands one over the other, turning to stare at the door as if ready to bolt through. “He’s had a hard enough time of it as it is. A guinea pig to one of Potter’s pranks, I would bet, though he wouldn’t say.”
“No ma’am. I really did do it to myself. On accident.”
“Well go on, Pettigrew. Straight back to the common room with you.”
They heard Peter practically run for the door, and then as it clicked behind him Madame Pomfrey dissolved into laughter, though she tried to stifle it behind her hand.
“Oh that boy," Professor McGonagall said. "I supposed he hexed himself.”
“A third nipple. I don’t know how he did it.”
“Where did he learn that?” James whispered into Sirius' ear and Sirius felt James shake with laughter, his face buried against Sirius' sweaty neck as Sirius tried to stomp on his foot to keep him quiet. Sirius' lips tipped up into a grin of his own though as he saw Remus fall back onto his pillows and attempt not to laugh out loud.
They heard Professor McGonagall make a sound somewhere between a cough and a sneeze, which made James shake harder, before she said, “Oh my goodness but I do worry about him.”
“Especially when you consider what a bright lad his brother had been.”
“Yes well, family lines don't always count for much. Look at the Black brothers. They couldn't be more different," Professor McGonagall said and Sirius sobered at the mention of his brother. "Anyway, I came to check on Remus. It’s the first chance I’ve had all day. I suppose he’s asleep by now.”
“I gave him a pain potion earlier and meant to take him a sleeping draught right before Peter came in. It'll have to be made over now. He’s been quiet, though he usually is, but maybe.” James and Sirius silently scrambled to get into a far corner as Madame Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall came around the screen to stand at the foot of Remus' bed. “Asleep,” Madame Pomfrey whispered. “I don’t wonder, the poor child. He was in terrible pain this morning.”
“Was it very bad this time?”
“He has a serious laceration to his back that will take some time to heal but the rest should be fine by the morning. I admit that I had been ignorant really, as most people are, I suppose, but Minerva. It’s such a terrible affliction, especially to such a young boy, and what little literature I've been able to find says that it’s always worse during puberty. He could die, just tear himself apart. I’d never forgive myself.”
The boys were definitely not laughing now as they stood cheek to cheek as they listened. Sirius curled his hands into tight fists, wanting to fly at Madame Pomfrey, demand that she take it back, that she never say anything like that again. Instead he stood stock still, James holding his wrists, as he trembled.
“You mustn’t think that, Poppy, though I know what you mean. Albus says they’re years from any sort of cure though apparently there is some promising work being done in potions. It can’t come soon enough.”
“Do you think there’s nothing to be done for him though, during his transformations. I’ve asked Albus about maybe restraining Remus so that he can’t harm himself but he says no, it would be cruel to do it.” They both looked down at Remus before Madame Pomfrey perched on the edge of the bed and moved to straighten the sheets that covered him, then tidied the table. After a moment, she dropped her hands into her lap and sighed. "How is this not cruel?"
“His parents tried restraints when he was younger but the damage wasn't just physical. No, I have to agree with Albus, what we've done is for the best.”
“You've seen his scars, Minerva. Fairly covered with them, he is. He’s been lucky so far that his clothes hides them, especially the first. He so self-conscious of them and he knows he won't be able to hide them forever. I worry that the other boys tease him.”
“Have you asked him?”
“He says no, but I’m sure he suffers. He’s such a sensitive boy; my heart just goes out to him." Madame Pomfrey took one of Remus' hands and held it between her own. "I have to admit that I favor him a bit when he’s here.”
“I find myself doing the same," Professor McGonagall admitted, looking a bit chagrined. “It’s hard not to. His father taught him and did a good job of it by any measure. He writes me nearly every week to make sure Remus is keeping up and being challenged. I wish the other parents were half as interested in more than criticising our teaching methods.”
“So, he’s doing well?”
“He does well in my class and he’s quite talented at Arithmancy, I’m told.”
“I didn’t think anyone started that until third year.”
“Exactly what I mean. He's a bright boy, inquisitive. Of course, if Black and Potter were better behaved, I'd have suggested it for them as well. They all do well in Defense Against the Dark Arts, though, despite the obstacles there.”
“I don’t suppose this year’s is any better than last year’s?”
“No," Professor McGonagall bit out. "There's not a bit of sense about Professor Arcanus.”
“I don't supposes she teaches the remedies either. What’s the point of learning defense if you can’t heal afterwards?”
"It's not been the same since Professor Merrythought retired." Professor McGonagall was silent for a moment, seemingly lost to her own thoughts as she moved closer to Remus but also closer to where James and Sirius stood practically on top of one another. They both held their breathes, afraid she'd find them out, and watched as she pushed Remus' fringe from his forehead then stood straight, her shoulders back, watching Remus in the dim light.
"I worried that he would fall behind but he works quite hard, harder than most," she says, returning to the subject of Remus. "He keeps up with Black and Potter, which is no small feat. Yes, he’s a sharp mind and thank goodness for that. He could have easily been sorted into Ravenclaw.”
“Ravenclaw might have been better."
"Why do you say that, Poppy?"
"Sirius Black has been by to see him twice today, and I’ve not let him in. I have to be honest that I was surprised the Potters allowed the friendship between him and James, even more that Walburga didn’t pull him out when Sirius was sorted into Gryffindor.”
"I’ll admit that I often wonder if perhaps we sort too early. As I said, Remus would fit well within Ravenclaw, but if anyone has had to show courage, it's been him. I'm glad he's in my House." Professor McGonagall shook out her robes and walked back to the end of the bed, letting James and Sirius breath again without her so near. "I'd never want them to hear it, but if I was honest I'd have to say I was glad for all three of them."
Under the cover of the cloak, Sirius turned his head slightly and smirked at James, desperately wanting to make the joke they were both thinking, to carry his mind away from what Madame Pomfrey had said, but his humor was short lived as Madame Pomfrey stroked her hand over Remus' hair one last time, tucked the blanket over his shoulders, and flicked her wand in the direction of the light on his bedside table. The infirmary glowed with the light coming from the moon through the tall windows and the boys could barely make out the matron's features, but they could still hear her words though she still whispered even as they moved away from Remus' bed. "But do you think it’s wise, Minerva, their friendship? If Sirius should find out about Remus’ condition..."
"They’ve proven themselves loyal, so far."
"Loyal, yes, when they think he's just a normal little boy like they are. If they should find out that he's a werewolf, don't you think it's likely to cause trouble, to put it mildly."
“You mean, should Sirius' mother find out Remus would likely end up in some Ministry cage Merlin knows where, perhaps even Azkaban.” Professor McGonagall stopped Madame Pomfrey with a hand to her arm and pressed the other to her chest as she considered the possibility. “No, it doesn’t bear thinking about. We’ve taken all the precautions that we could, and surely first and second years wouldn't be able to piece together the nature of Remus' affliction. While it may be something we need to think about in the future, right now Albus believes the friendship might do Remus some good in the end. Potter and Black are certainly high spirited but Albus says that they may be exactly what Remus needs to draw him out.”
"But for his own protection, don’t you think--"
"No. Fresh air, exercise and good friends are what he needs. We need to let Remus be a little boy, Poppy. I understand his mother was extremely protective, keeping him out in the country so that he’s never had friends his own age.”
“I’m sure I wouldn’t have done anything different.”
“Nor I, the way he's been treated and likely to be treated when he leaves here." Professor McGonagall linked her arm through Madame Pomfrey and began to lead her away, toward her office. “Here at Hogwarts, he’s protected. He can have as normal a childhood as is possible for him and thank goodness for that. I’m afraid his future will be hard enough.”
James and Sirius sagged some beneath the cloak but didn't dare come out until they could no longer hear their voices. Once it was silent again, Sirius shrugged out from beneath the cloak, shaking off the restraining hand that James had placed on his shoulder, and sat on the side of Remus' bed. Remus had turned way from them and laid on his side, the blanket falling to expose his back so that James and Sirius could see the long strips of bandages on his back stained dark brownish red and the mass of raised scar tissue on his side, just below his waist. Sirius wondered if it was the first bite and wanted to touch it but didn't dare and he didn't let himself stare at it too long either. Instead, he leaned forward, his hand gentle on Remus' shoulder, as he whispered in his ear. "I would never tell my mother, Remus. Never."
"I know," Remus whispered back but he had his eyes squeezed shut, as if the light from the waning moon hurt.
Sirius stroked his hand over Remus' head, as he'd seen Madame Pomfrey do, leaning down even closer. "I won't let anything bad happen to you."
"We'll protect you," James whispered, and Sirius startled, having nearly forgot they weren't alone. He looked back at James and took strength in what he saw in his best friend's face.
"You can't. Not from this." Remus rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. He moved his hand over his face lightening quick before dropping it back at his side. "No one can."
"We'll figure out something," Sirius said, promises tripping off his tongue before he could hold them back, same as he had the other night. With James at his side, however, he didn't feel quite as disingenuous. "James and me."
"How?"
"I don't know. It's just-- I'm not like my family, Remus."
"I know."
"We're Gryffindors," James whispered, kneeling on the bed behind Sirius and reaching to catch Remus' hand. "All of us, and Peter, and even more importantly, we're Marauders, okay? We'll find a way."
Remus forced a smile that didn't go quite to his eyes but was enough to satisfy James if not Sirius.
"Besides, you'd have made a rubbish Ravenclaw. They've no sense of humor."
Later that night, alone in his bed, Sirius couldn't erase the image of Remus' pale face lost in the sea of bandages and pillows. He made one last promise that night and this one to himself, that he'd make good on everything he said to Remus--that they'd protect him, that it didn't matter, that he wasn't like his family. Curling up onto his side, sleep eluding him until just before the dawn, he thought about that last one for a long time.
next
Author: Dani (
escribo)
Word Count: 4754
Rating: PG
(Pairings: in the future will be remus/sirius, lily/james)
Timeline: October 23 (Monday) 1972
Summary: They know but now they're faced with the truth
Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No copyright infringement is intended. I've not made nor seek any profit.
Year 1: one/ two/ three/ four/ five/ six/ seven
Year 2: one
It seemed like forever to Sirius before James finally came sauntering up from the dungeons, his detention served, and they began making their slow way up to the Great Hall for dinner, already ten minutes late. Despite the afternoon spent scrubbing cauldrons until they shone, James was in a good mood, his hand jammed firmly into his pockets as he whistled tunelessly between retellings of how he managed to replace Snape's agave seed with a similarly sized and shaped Chaste Tree acorn. Peter's face lit up as he helped James describe the resulting explosion when Snape tossed the seed into his potion, which Sirius had missed because he'd used the distraction to sneak into the stores to steal more hen's teeth.
Now, all through dinner, Sirius was unusually quiet, which was enough to earn him several well-placed kicks from James when he got no laughs except Peter's for his jokes, and with each kick, Sirius' scowl deepened.
"I don't understand how Remus can be so absolute pants at Potions and yet come up with something as genius as the prank this morning." James leaned forward on his elbows to look around Sirius to where Severus sat at the foot of the Slytherin table. He looked strangely and permanently startled, and glared when he noticed that James was staring at him.
"It's not that he can't do it," Sirius said, finally drawn from his long silence. "It's that he's not there to do it, and Slughorn takes points from him for it."
"We know that. You know what I meant." James tore off and tossed a piece of his roll at Sirius, and Sirius returned it with another scowl. "Why are you in such a foul mood?"
"I tried to see him after classes but Pomfrey said he has dragon pox and that I couldn't be near him."
"It was dragon pox last January, remember?" Peter asked.
"Doesn't matter if it was. She knows I had it when I was little but she still wouldn't let me in."
"Not that you're surprised, right? Considering that--"
"Yes, Peter, we know, but he's got to hate being in the infirmary with just Pomfrey." Sirius pushed his plate away and rested his chin on his folded hands.
It had only been less than a week ago that they'd told Remus they knew, and it'd been the hardest thing Sirius had ever done. They'd all promised him--Sirius had promised him--that it didn't matter, that they didn't care. All throughout that evening though, Sirius had seen nothing but absolute terror in Remus' eyes, even as he'd settled at a table in the Common Room, retracing the lines of his map onto a new piece of parchment, and Sirius had hated it. Late that night, after James and Peter had gone to sleep, Sirius had crept into Remus' bed to find him still awake, and made promises that he knew he was unlikely to be able to keep, but he hadn't been able to help himself. This had been one of them, that he would visit with Remus in the infirmary so Remus would know they weren't afraid, that Sirius wasn't afraid.
Sirius bit at his lip for a minute, turning to stare across the room at the back of his brother's head, before he looked back at James, willing him to understand that he was done breaking promises. "I swore to him that I would come."
"Right," James said, sitting up straighter and placing his hands flat on the table in front of him. "So, we'll go see him."
"How are we going to get past Pomfrey?"
"We just have to make sure she doesn't see us." James grinned a little maniacally and Sirius knew James already had a plan, as he always did, and Sirius sat up, ready to hear it. "I was saving this for your birthday but since it's only a week away."
"Saving what?" Sirius asked. James didn't keep secrets, not like Remus who had reason to keep them, and certainly not from Sirius, not to mention they were in and out of each other's trunks every day.
"I'm not telling! You and Peter just meet me on the third floor near the statue of Wilhelmina the Wicked."
Fifteen minutes later, Sirius was pacing the hall while Peter was counting off all the Quidditch seekers for England over the last century, as if he was taking a roll call. Sirius was beginning to think it was some kind of nervous tic of Peter's, Quidditch stats, and he closed his eyes against the noise of it, sliding down to sit on the cold, stone floor, his back against the wall, and wondered where James had buggered off to. Suddenly everything was quiet and Sirius opened one eye to see what had distracted Peter and found that he stood in the middle of the hall, his hand outstretched as his book bag floated away from him.
"It's just Peeves, Peter." Peter only just tilted his head and watched as his bag was upended and the contents dumped on the floor. "For Merlin's-- Your wand, Peter! Use your wand!"
Sirius began to draw out his own wand but it was too late for that. He felt the still invisible Peeves grab his ankle and drag him across the floor and down the hall. Sirius' mouth fell open, shocked because Peeves never tried to do anything but ingratiate himself to the Black brothers. He heard laughing then, James' laughter, and then James was there, at least his head was. "What about your wand, Sirius? Stop frowning at me so. It was a good joke."
"I know what that is," Peter said, his book bag forgotten as he raced over to James as the rest of his body appeared in the hall. Peter reached out to run his hand over the shimmering cloth James held in his hands and gasped.
"Where did you get it?" Sirius asked, forgetting to be mad and raising up onto his knees to crawl over to where James and Peter sat.
"It was in a trunk in our attic that belonged to my Grandpa Potter, I think. Anyway, that's where I found it, and it's how we'll get past Pomfrey."
"Does your mum and dad know you have it?"
"Not exactly. Nobody's been up there in ages though so it won't be missed." James swirled the cloak around him and half his body disappeared, leaving only his head and arm uncovered. "You don't mind that it's just me and Sirius this time, do you Pete? We'd probably all fit, even with Remus, only I did plan to show it to Sirius first for his birthday."
"Sure. That's okay," he whispered, his eyes and hand still on the shimmering material.
"We'll need you to go up and distract Madame Pomfrey."
"How?"
"I don't know. Think of something," James said as he lifted the hem of the cloak and pulled Sirius in with him. "Ask her a question or something."
"This is so weird," Sirius whispered as Peter headed off alone down the hall on his way to the infirmary. "You've used it before, haven't you."
"I had to test it out."
"That's how you got Peter's comic books back from Filch. I would have gone with you."
"I know. It was meant to be a surprise though, this, for your birthday. I had it all planned out. I'll have to think of something else now."
"No. This is good, James. I don't need anything else."
"You won't have any surprises on your birthday, though, except Remus'. Peter'll give you candy again and your parents will send you--"
"A howler, most likely."
"Money, I was going to say, like last year."
"I asked for a broom. They'll think it's silly because I didn't make the Quidditch team."
"We'll try out again next year."
"Thirteen. They'll probably send me dress robes and socks. Thank you, James, for this. For--" Sirius faltered then stopped, unable to find the words for what he really wanted to say, and scowled again, unaccountable furious with his parents. He was glad that James couldn't see him as they moved along the corridors toward the infirmary. He'd been taught write elegant letters of appreciation for gifts but he never meant a word of them, just knew the sound of them by rote and so had no idea what to say for this, for the trust and faith James put in him, that James gave.
James just shrugged his shoulders. "I'll still think up a good surprise for your birthday, and I know you'll like Lupin's."
"You know what Remus got me?" Sirius's voice rose up and his anger fell away, happy enough to get back on more familiar ground but James just hummed noncommittally. "C'mon, James. Tell me."
"No way. He made me promise. Look." James stopped and they both watched as Peter shuffled his feet in front of Madame Pomfrey just outside the infirmary and made urgent motions toward his chest until she finally let him in. James and Sirius, hidden beneath the cloak, sneaked inside behind them while staying well back. They stood stock still near the door while Madame Pomfrey ushered Peter into her office and waited until they couldn't hear voices anymore before they went to find Remus.
They found him in a bed surrounded by a screen, asleep and looking pale and small in a teeming pile of sheets, blankets, pillows, and stark white bandages that covered his thin arms, shoulder and chest. Bruises still blossomed across his face despite Poppy's best efforts and a thin, jagged cut disappeared into his hairline. It was the first time either James or Sirius had actually seen Remus so soon after the full, and for a moment, they both just stood a little stunned before Sirius pulled off the cloak and fell to his knees at the edge of the bed.
A few days after they told him they knew, Remus taught them all the fireworks charm his dad had taught him, which Remus had refused to do before even after weeks of wheedling by James and Sirius. Reaching out to carefully touch the bandage covering the back of Remus' hand, Sirius thought about the way Remus' hands had looked as he spent an extra hour with Peter until Peter could manage a small but bright purple starburst. The fireworks were why Sirius had stolen the hens' teeth because they'd used up the small bag that Remus' father had given him. They told him again in the middle of making bright blue shooting stars whizz around their room that it didn't matter that he was a werewolf, that it was actually really cool.
It wasn't, Sirius knew now.
Sirius pressed the back of his against Remus' and James moved to stand closer to them, both now better understanding the scars they'd seen on Remus' body and the fear that had been in his eyes.
After a few minutes, Remus opened his eyes, blinking at them before he grinned. "I didn't think Poppy would let you in."
"She wouldn't," James said. "Poppy?"
"Madame Pomfrey. It's her name."
"Sure, but a first name basis?"
"Shut it, James." Remus was still grinning, though, which gave Sirius a bit of courage even as he kept his hand pressed tight against Remus', wanting to grab on but afraid to, afraid of hurting him, afraid of what James would think. Instead, he stayed quiet, listening to James and Remus talk.
"We played the prank on Snape in Potions this morning. Worked a charm."
"I told you it would, though I didn't know you were going to use it on him."
"Who else?"
"I don't know. He was in here, though. Did it--"
"Just his eyebrows, like you said."
"He was blaming Sirius," Remus whispered, his voice rasping and hoarse to Sirius' ears.
"Sirius always gets all the credit," James said and Remus laughed quietly at how put out he looked. "He does!"
"It's not credit, you dolt," Sirius said, heartened a bit at the sound of Remus' laugh. "We're lucky we didn't get anything more than five points from Gryffindor, though we wouldn't have even got that if you hadn't dropped the other acorn."
"It could have been mine. Slughorn only docked points because he's Head of Slytherin and it's like some kind of rule." James shrugged as if the actions of the professors were too bizarre to even contemplate. "You should have seen Snape, though."
"I did, when he came in. After that Poppy put up the screens. She said she has to keep me an extra day now because of the dragon pox thing so that nobody finds out." Remus looked embarrassed and pressed back against Sirius' hand, stretching his fingers until Sirius grabbed hold of them in a quick squeeze before letting go. "He looked really mad, especially when he saw me."
"He can't think you had anything to do with it." Sirius couldn't help the blaze of anger that coursed through him, though he found it familiar and almost comforting, better than the helpless feeling that stole over him whenever he looked at Remus.
"But I did, right? I--"
"We know that, but he doesn't."
"It's alright, Sirius."
"It's not. We'll take care of it, James and me."
"Who brought you this stuff?" James asked, pointing at a bag of candies that had spilled open next to a glass of water and a tall, green bottle of potion.
"The Headmaster."
“Dumbledore comes around?”
“Yeah. Sometimes.”
“Does it hurt much?” Sirius asked, his voice quiet, and Remus flicked his gaze to Sirius, to where Sirius had moved his hand to tentatively touch the bandage on Remus' arm, smoothing its edges.
“Not so much now,” Remus said.
"I told Sirius you'd be alright. He was up half the night worrying like an old lady."
"Shut it, James. I wasn't." Sirius felt his cheeks begin flush and he stretched across the bed to try to cuff James' arm but James jumped away, grinning at Remus.
"He tried to get me to say what his birthday presents were, too."
"I wasn't. He did show me the cloak, though. Did you know about it?"
Remus didn't get the chance to answer. The door at the end of the rows of beds that led to Madame Pomfrey's office creaked open as she came back with Peter in tow. All three boys froze and then James and Sirius scrambled for the cloak again.
“I’ll come back later,” Sirius whispered, his eyes sparkling with mischief as he watched Remus' eyes go round with surprise at the sight of the invisibility cloak. He hadn't known. Remus pushed himself up on his elbow and held out his hand to them but dropped back just as quickly when they heard Madame Pomfrey and Peter just outside the screen enclosing Remus' bed. Remus closed his eyes as if asleep and James made sure they were covered completely before they stepped around the screen to follow Madame Pomfrey and Peter to the door. What they heard next, though, stopped them in their tracks.
“Pettigrew.” Professor McGonagall's voice was sharp in her surprise, and James and Sirius stopped, quickly stepping back behind the screen as if she would be able to see them. Sirius turned his head to look at Remus, saw he was sitting up again, his eyes wide but with worry this time. “What are you doing out at this time of night?”
“I had a question,” Peter stammered.
“And where are Potter and Black. Not likely too far behind, are they.”
“No ma’am. I mean, yes ma’am. I mean I don't know where they are but they would have teased me.”
“Oh, Minerva, let the boy alone.” There was laughter around the edges of Poppy’s voice and Sirius turned back to the sound of it, moving to the edge of the screen with James to look out. Peter's face was beet red and he was rubbing his hands one over the other, turning to stare at the door as if ready to bolt through. “He’s had a hard enough time of it as it is. A guinea pig to one of Potter’s pranks, I would bet, though he wouldn’t say.”
“No ma’am. I really did do it to myself. On accident.”
“Well go on, Pettigrew. Straight back to the common room with you.”
They heard Peter practically run for the door, and then as it clicked behind him Madame Pomfrey dissolved into laughter, though she tried to stifle it behind her hand.
“Oh that boy," Professor McGonagall said. "I supposed he hexed himself.”
“A third nipple. I don’t know how he did it.”
“Where did he learn that?” James whispered into Sirius' ear and Sirius felt James shake with laughter, his face buried against Sirius' sweaty neck as Sirius tried to stomp on his foot to keep him quiet. Sirius' lips tipped up into a grin of his own though as he saw Remus fall back onto his pillows and attempt not to laugh out loud.
They heard Professor McGonagall make a sound somewhere between a cough and a sneeze, which made James shake harder, before she said, “Oh my goodness but I do worry about him.”
“Especially when you consider what a bright lad his brother had been.”
“Yes well, family lines don't always count for much. Look at the Black brothers. They couldn't be more different," Professor McGonagall said and Sirius sobered at the mention of his brother. "Anyway, I came to check on Remus. It’s the first chance I’ve had all day. I suppose he’s asleep by now.”
“I gave him a pain potion earlier and meant to take him a sleeping draught right before Peter came in. It'll have to be made over now. He’s been quiet, though he usually is, but maybe.” James and Sirius silently scrambled to get into a far corner as Madame Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall came around the screen to stand at the foot of Remus' bed. “Asleep,” Madame Pomfrey whispered. “I don’t wonder, the poor child. He was in terrible pain this morning.”
“Was it very bad this time?”
“He has a serious laceration to his back that will take some time to heal but the rest should be fine by the morning. I admit that I had been ignorant really, as most people are, I suppose, but Minerva. It’s such a terrible affliction, especially to such a young boy, and what little literature I've been able to find says that it’s always worse during puberty. He could die, just tear himself apart. I’d never forgive myself.”
The boys were definitely not laughing now as they stood cheek to cheek as they listened. Sirius curled his hands into tight fists, wanting to fly at Madame Pomfrey, demand that she take it back, that she never say anything like that again. Instead he stood stock still, James holding his wrists, as he trembled.
“You mustn’t think that, Poppy, though I know what you mean. Albus says they’re years from any sort of cure though apparently there is some promising work being done in potions. It can’t come soon enough.”
“Do you think there’s nothing to be done for him though, during his transformations. I’ve asked Albus about maybe restraining Remus so that he can’t harm himself but he says no, it would be cruel to do it.” They both looked down at Remus before Madame Pomfrey perched on the edge of the bed and moved to straighten the sheets that covered him, then tidied the table. After a moment, she dropped her hands into her lap and sighed. "How is this not cruel?"
“His parents tried restraints when he was younger but the damage wasn't just physical. No, I have to agree with Albus, what we've done is for the best.”
“You've seen his scars, Minerva. Fairly covered with them, he is. He’s been lucky so far that his clothes hides them, especially the first. He so self-conscious of them and he knows he won't be able to hide them forever. I worry that the other boys tease him.”
“Have you asked him?”
“He says no, but I’m sure he suffers. He’s such a sensitive boy; my heart just goes out to him." Madame Pomfrey took one of Remus' hands and held it between her own. "I have to admit that I favor him a bit when he’s here.”
“I find myself doing the same," Professor McGonagall admitted, looking a bit chagrined. “It’s hard not to. His father taught him and did a good job of it by any measure. He writes me nearly every week to make sure Remus is keeping up and being challenged. I wish the other parents were half as interested in more than criticising our teaching methods.”
“So, he’s doing well?”
“He does well in my class and he’s quite talented at Arithmancy, I’m told.”
“I didn’t think anyone started that until third year.”
“Exactly what I mean. He's a bright boy, inquisitive. Of course, if Black and Potter were better behaved, I'd have suggested it for them as well. They all do well in Defense Against the Dark Arts, though, despite the obstacles there.”
“I don’t suppose this year’s is any better than last year’s?”
“No," Professor McGonagall bit out. "There's not a bit of sense about Professor Arcanus.”
“I don't supposes she teaches the remedies either. What’s the point of learning defense if you can’t heal afterwards?”
"It's not been the same since Professor Merrythought retired." Professor McGonagall was silent for a moment, seemingly lost to her own thoughts as she moved closer to Remus but also closer to where James and Sirius stood practically on top of one another. They both held their breathes, afraid she'd find them out, and watched as she pushed Remus' fringe from his forehead then stood straight, her shoulders back, watching Remus in the dim light.
"I worried that he would fall behind but he works quite hard, harder than most," she says, returning to the subject of Remus. "He keeps up with Black and Potter, which is no small feat. Yes, he’s a sharp mind and thank goodness for that. He could have easily been sorted into Ravenclaw.”
“Ravenclaw might have been better."
"Why do you say that, Poppy?"
"Sirius Black has been by to see him twice today, and I’ve not let him in. I have to be honest that I was surprised the Potters allowed the friendship between him and James, even more that Walburga didn’t pull him out when Sirius was sorted into Gryffindor.”
"I’ll admit that I often wonder if perhaps we sort too early. As I said, Remus would fit well within Ravenclaw, but if anyone has had to show courage, it's been him. I'm glad he's in my House." Professor McGonagall shook out her robes and walked back to the end of the bed, letting James and Sirius breath again without her so near. "I'd never want them to hear it, but if I was honest I'd have to say I was glad for all three of them."
Under the cover of the cloak, Sirius turned his head slightly and smirked at James, desperately wanting to make the joke they were both thinking, to carry his mind away from what Madame Pomfrey had said, but his humor was short lived as Madame Pomfrey stroked her hand over Remus' hair one last time, tucked the blanket over his shoulders, and flicked her wand in the direction of the light on his bedside table. The infirmary glowed with the light coming from the moon through the tall windows and the boys could barely make out the matron's features, but they could still hear her words though she still whispered even as they moved away from Remus' bed. "But do you think it’s wise, Minerva, their friendship? If Sirius should find out about Remus’ condition..."
"They’ve proven themselves loyal, so far."
"Loyal, yes, when they think he's just a normal little boy like they are. If they should find out that he's a werewolf, don't you think it's likely to cause trouble, to put it mildly."
“You mean, should Sirius' mother find out Remus would likely end up in some Ministry cage Merlin knows where, perhaps even Azkaban.” Professor McGonagall stopped Madame Pomfrey with a hand to her arm and pressed the other to her chest as she considered the possibility. “No, it doesn’t bear thinking about. We’ve taken all the precautions that we could, and surely first and second years wouldn't be able to piece together the nature of Remus' affliction. While it may be something we need to think about in the future, right now Albus believes the friendship might do Remus some good in the end. Potter and Black are certainly high spirited but Albus says that they may be exactly what Remus needs to draw him out.”
"But for his own protection, don’t you think--"
"No. Fresh air, exercise and good friends are what he needs. We need to let Remus be a little boy, Poppy. I understand his mother was extremely protective, keeping him out in the country so that he’s never had friends his own age.”
“I’m sure I wouldn’t have done anything different.”
“Nor I, the way he's been treated and likely to be treated when he leaves here." Professor McGonagall linked her arm through Madame Pomfrey and began to lead her away, toward her office. “Here at Hogwarts, he’s protected. He can have as normal a childhood as is possible for him and thank goodness for that. I’m afraid his future will be hard enough.”
James and Sirius sagged some beneath the cloak but didn't dare come out until they could no longer hear their voices. Once it was silent again, Sirius shrugged out from beneath the cloak, shaking off the restraining hand that James had placed on his shoulder, and sat on the side of Remus' bed. Remus had turned way from them and laid on his side, the blanket falling to expose his back so that James and Sirius could see the long strips of bandages on his back stained dark brownish red and the mass of raised scar tissue on his side, just below his waist. Sirius wondered if it was the first bite and wanted to touch it but didn't dare and he didn't let himself stare at it too long either. Instead, he leaned forward, his hand gentle on Remus' shoulder, as he whispered in his ear. "I would never tell my mother, Remus. Never."
"I know," Remus whispered back but he had his eyes squeezed shut, as if the light from the waning moon hurt.
Sirius stroked his hand over Remus' head, as he'd seen Madame Pomfrey do, leaning down even closer. "I won't let anything bad happen to you."
"We'll protect you," James whispered, and Sirius startled, having nearly forgot they weren't alone. He looked back at James and took strength in what he saw in his best friend's face.
"You can't. Not from this." Remus rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. He moved his hand over his face lightening quick before dropping it back at his side. "No one can."
"We'll figure out something," Sirius said, promises tripping off his tongue before he could hold them back, same as he had the other night. With James at his side, however, he didn't feel quite as disingenuous. "James and me."
"How?"
"I don't know. It's just-- I'm not like my family, Remus."
"I know."
"We're Gryffindors," James whispered, kneeling on the bed behind Sirius and reaching to catch Remus' hand. "All of us, and Peter, and even more importantly, we're Marauders, okay? We'll find a way."
Remus forced a smile that didn't go quite to his eyes but was enough to satisfy James if not Sirius.
"Besides, you'd have made a rubbish Ravenclaw. They've no sense of humor."
Later that night, alone in his bed, Sirius couldn't erase the image of Remus' pale face lost in the sea of bandages and pillows. He made one last promise that night and this one to himself, that he'd make good on everything he said to Remus--that they'd protect him, that it didn't matter, that he wasn't like his family. Curling up onto his side, sleep eluding him until just before the dawn, he thought about that last one for a long time.
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