Jul. 7th, 2010 09:07 am
Fic: I'll See You Soon (HP remus/sirius)
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fox_confessortitle: I'll See You Soon
author: Dani
pairing: Remus/Sirius
word count 2968
rating NC-17
notes: written for 2010 schmoop bingo (prompt: fireworks)
Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No copyright infringement is intended. I've not made nor do I seek any profit.
(Revised June 2017)
It was too dangerous to Apparate anywhere in London if you wanted to keep your meetings secret, they had all been warned, and Sirius definitely needed to keep this meeting secret. The motorcycle was too recognizable, James had said when Sirius had slipped into Potter's temporary digs to explain his dilemma. They had talked about it over take away, each of their plans more ridiculously elaborate than the next until Sirius was reminded strongly of being at Hogwarts. When he shared that thought, a keening sort of homesick overtook them all.
In the end, it was Lily who decided the best plan was the most simple plan: he would go muggle and not use a bit of magic.
They quietly waited for her to write out the instructions on how to use the London Underground on a spare bit of parchment. She told him which tube stations to get on and off at, making him repeat the funny names three times before she nodded gravely. While she counted out a handful of muggle coins into his palm, she told him in no uncertain terms that he had to be careful and warned him sternly not to talk to strangers. She made him repeat their phone number, the one they only had so that Lily could talk with her mum, and added another few coins in case he needed to make an emergency call as if he were a young boy instead of a fully grown wizard. That had reduced James and Sirius to nervous giggles but Sirius had still whispered yes, mum as he bent to kiss her cheek.
He would never let her know how seriously he had taken her advice to heart as he sat in the back of a crowded carriage on the Central line, clutching his wand where it was hidden beneath his jacket.
Once he was back above ground in Ealing, he found the streets full of revelers from some sort of street carnival that Sirius had not expected when he had arranged this meeting. With so many people about, he was sure that Remus wouldn't show and he remembered another bit of Lily's advice: Don't be angry if he's not there. It's more dangerous than ever for him now, especially so close to the full moon.
Sirius tried to look as though he belonged as he hurried through the food stalls and avoided the street performers. Off the high street it was much quieter though he still passed a group of teenagers who giggled when they caught his eye and then a family who took in his long hair and black leather jacket with some visible trepidation though they still wished him a good evening. He wished James had come along if only to lend his dubious sense of respectability or at least to help pass the time while he waited for Remus in the doorway of a boarded up business some distance from the crowds. He felt sure that James would be able to think up a better explanation that might seem reasonable to a Muggle police officer if he was ever asked why he was loitering about.
He had only just decided that maybe a stray dog would attract less attention when Remus' voice come out of the darkness, suddenly close.
"You're early," Remus said around the glowing tip of his cigarette.
"I'm not," Sirius argued to cover up how startled he had been. He rolled his eyes as Remus carefully stubbed out the burning end and tucked the remains into a pocket, neat as ever. "You're late."
Remus huffed out a sound that might have been a laugh, maybe irritation. It had been so long since Sirius had heard anything from Remus that he wasn't confident in his ability to read him anymore. He let himself be tugged around the corner and deeper into the shadows of the alley until they left behind the sounds of the street. For a long time there was only the sound of their footsteps on the pavement and a train rumbling somewhere close.
"I almost didn't come at all," Remus said when it was finally safe to say anything at all. "I shouldn't have. If Moody finds out, he'll take it out of both our hides."
"Always our good boy, following the rules." There was a sharp edge to Sirius' voice but if Remus heard it, he ignored it. The mention of the Order had made Sirius inexplicably and unbearably angry and for a moment all he could do was nurse his temper as Remus cast protective charms around them. Some were foreign to Sirius and only served to underscore how long it had been since they had been together and the reasons why.
"I always mean to, at least. Follow the rules,” Remus said over his shoulder as he finished up weaving his magic. "You and James had a way of making the alternative seem so appealing. Still do."
Remus finally turned to smile at Sirius, tucking his wand into his belt and sliding his hands into his pockets. “Come on, Sirius, don’t sulk. I’ve come a long way to see you and we don’t have much time. We shouldn’t waste any of it.”
Sirius nodded, still sullen, but it wasn’t that he disagreed. He forced himself to meet Remus’ eyes for the first time and saw that his hair was long, longer than he had ever worn it before, and tied back with a ragged strip of cloth. Sirius didn't think it suited him though he would never say it aloud. At least not now when they had so little time and Sirius was already off on the wrong foot. It made Remus' long, lean face look gaunt--wolfish, and it struck Sirius that maybe that was the point. He wondered not for the first time what it was exactly that Remus did for the Order.
Grasping for a safe topic, he tried to think of some bit of news that maybe Remus hadn't heard yet that didn't have anything to do with the war. It had been months since they had last seen each other, not since late September. Of course, the memory of that long weekend spent drinking and fucking in a Glaswegian dive didn't feel like safe ground either.
"Lily's pregnant,” he blurted, thinking perhaps that it might actually be news to Remus since the only other person who knew was Peter and he had swore he hadn’t seen Remus in more than a year. Sirius was right and it made him happier to see Remus’ face transform with surprise into something more familiar.
"Is she? Tell her I said congratulations. Tell Prongs. Tell them both-- Give them my love."
"I will. James wanted to come to tell you himself.”
"I'm glad he didn't. It's not safe. We shouldn't even--"
"I told him he couldn’t come.”
"Oh. Right." Remus looked down at his feet, trying but failing to hide the hurt and disappointment that flitted across his features.
Sirius was sure that the rumors of who might be a traitor would have reached Remus' ears even if he rarely made it to an Order meeting these days. The sudden tension in Remus' shoulders made Sirius think that Remus could have benefitted from one of James' pep talks about trust, loyalty, and family. Sirius knew all the words by heart by now but didn't think he could do it justice.
“I didn’t mean it that way,” Sirius said gently. “Let’s start over, all right?”
When Remus didn’t say anything, Sirius took a step to close the distance between them and when Remus didn’t retreat any further, took another. He slipped his cold fingers beneath the frayed collar of Remus' cloak, resting his palm against the warm skin of Remus' neck. This close Sirius could see the fatigue etched into Remus’ features and the last of his anger fled. He gently tugged Remus closer, pulling him into his arms, and was grateful when Remus easily fell against him.
"I've missed you, is what I meant. I didn’t want James to come because I wanted to see you by myself,” Sirius whispered against the shell of Remus' ear. He didn't add where have you been and what have you been doing. It was dangerous to ask, and anyway, Remus wouldn't tell him, just as Sirius wouldn't tell if Remus asked him the same. He despised this war but instead of anger, he felt that wave of homesickness he had experienced with James and Lily wash over him again.
Sirius clutched Remus tighter against his chest and they held each other as if it would be the last time. They were both more than aware that it could be.
Sirius tucked his face against Remus’ neck and breathed deeply. On Remus he could smell the loamy scent of earth and dew on the grass. With the moon high and round above them, nearly full, he knew Remus had not been anywhere near the city for a long time. He pushed his hands into Remus' traveling cloak and dug his fingers beneath the scratchy wool of Remus' jumper to flatten his palms against Remus’ warm skin beneath.
Remus was all bone and sinewy muscle, as if he hadn't been eating well, and Sirius wondered if he had been living rough. He wondered what other secrets he could discover just by his senses alone. As if by cataloguing every change in Remus' body he could know the truth of what was happening to him, of how he spent the full moons away from them. Sirius knew he shouldn't even try. He thought maybe letting it go was the hardest thing he's had to do in a long time.
Having him this close for just a few minutes more would have to be enough to satiate the urge that had driven Sirius to risk their discovery by either side in asking Remus to travel so far for so little. He couldn’t ask Remus to chance anything else by word or deed. In another moment, they would say goodbye and hope that the war would end soon. Surely it had to end soon.
He let it come as a surprise when Remus, instead of pulling away, reached beneath Sirius’ clothes to touch him.
"I've missed you, too, Padfoot," Remus whispered against his skin then placed a biting kiss at the base of Sirius' throat. His thumb flicked at the button of Sirius' jeans, smoothing over the warm skin of his flat belly.
Sirius again tried to convince himself that he should step back, give them both space to calm down and walk away since he had already got what he came for. He had only wanted to see for himself that Remus was safe and to know that Remus was still willing to risk everything to come when Sirius asked. It should be enough, he reminded himself, but still let desire tug at him. He knew he could have more and worse: he wanted it.
Surging forward, he pushed Remus' back against the dirty wall of the alley, held Remus’ face between his hands and watched his eyes in the dim light. He knew if it wasn't so dark that he would be able to see Remus' skin begin to flush in anticipation, his pupils widening. Sirius really wished he could see it instead of relying on his memory from the many times in the past that they found themselves in the same position. He loved that moment when Remus would give in to him. He felt triumphant when he heard Remus’ take a deep, shuddering breath and felt him strain to get closer. He wished he had planned this out better, asked for more time. He should have rented them a room in the muggle part of the city where wizards—even bad ones—rarely visited, like he did before. He shouldn’t have let James talk him out of it, knowing, as he did, that Sirius would want more than just what was safe.
Instead, he could only hope that Remus’ protective spells were strong enough to keep them hidden then kissed him with all the need and want that had been building in him since he was last able to touch Remus like this.
“I want you so much,” he whispered against Remus’ lips. “It’s too dangerous here.”
He never expected to be the responsible one and blinked slowly when Remus touched his cheek with gentle fingers before a slow smile lifted one corner of his mouth. In the past, it was sometimes the only warning that a grand prank was in play and Sirius couldn't help but return it.
“You’re right. It’s way too dangerous. We could be caught,” Remus agreed but reeled Sirius in closer, kissing him hard in return. “I wish we had more time.”
“Me, too.”
“I can’t stay. I don’t dare miss my train back.”
“James is expecting me by midnight. He’ll come searching for me if I’m late.”
“Then don’t be late.”
“Next time.”
“Yeah.” Remus kissed him again, using his teeth and tongue to tease the desperate little sounds from Sirius’ mouth. He pulled away just enough to pant against his lips. “Though I think we have just enough time for this.”
"Merlin," Sirius whispered, the word puffing into the cold night air as Remus sank to his knees and ran his hands down the back of Sirius’ thighs. Sirius rested an arm against the wall, pressed his forehead to the rough bricks, and closed his other hand on Remus' shoulder while Remus worked his jeans open.
The wet heat of Remus' mouth was a shock. He'd nearly forgotten what this felt like with someone he loved as madly as he loved Remus. There had been others, rarely, and at the time he had never suffered any guilt. As Remus drew him in deeper, Sirius had to fight to keep his footing, and what had seemed rational then--cold comfort when death dogged his steps--now felt like the worst betrayal.
Sirius whispered a run of apologies as he cupped his hand over the base of Remus' skull, trailing his thumb over Remus' cheek. Remus stroked his hand down Sirius' legs before reaching for Sirius' hips, holding him steady as he curled his tongue around Sirius' cock, as he sucked and hummed out his own apologies. Sirius curled his fingers into the brick as Remus took him deeper, dragged him forward, encouraged him to move, and Sirius went with him. There was the heat down his spine, a tightening in his belly, and Sirius couldn't help but remember that Remus had always been like this, this eager, since their first kiss in seventh year. Since the first time Sirius had moved inside Remus' body. It had always felt this safe and familiar in a way it couldn’t with anyone else.
When Sirius had spent himself, he hauled Remus up by his cloak and pressed him back into the wall, kissing him again. He could taste himself on Remus' tongue, and chased it until Remus was straining against him. He pulled away, wanting to see Remus' eyes as he fumbled with the fastening on Remus' trousers, slipped his hand instead, and curled his fingers around Remus' hot flesh. It didn't take much, his calloused fingers around Remus' cock and Remus pushing into the circle of his fingers until Remus was spilling over his hand. "Fuck," Sirius said, his voice muffled against Remus' neck. Remus took deep, gulping breaths and echoed Sirius, biting the word out against Sirius' ear.
Down the alley and to the street, a loud cheer went up as the sky was suddenly lit with fireworks, white hot light, then red and blue. Another cheer, another burst of light and the crack pow of the explosion, and Sirius suddenly felt like joining in, felt it well up in his chest and spill into Remus as their kiss tempered into something more affectionate. He felt Remus grinning against his lips when neither could kiss anymore.
"We should go," Remus said once he could speak again, once they'd straightened their clothes and cast cursory cleaning spells. Once they'd kissed again, leaning against the wall, and once the party on the street seemed to be breaking up a bit, offering them crowds to disappear into.
“We should,” Sirius agreed even as he held onto Remus, loath to leave him when he couldn't ask when they would see each other again or if he thought things could ever go back to normal. When he couldn't even begin to define normal because it had never existed, not for them at least. "Bring yourself home safe," he finally said, knowing it was the only thing he could say, and Remus nodded against his neck.
"I will. I promise. This can't last forever,” Remus said as if reading his thoughts.
Sirius felt the edges of nervous laughter crowd around him, like they had in the Potter's warm kitchen at Lily’s mother henning, but this time he dared not give in, afraid of how quickly it could turn into something more dangerously frantic.
"Tell James and Lily, okay. Tell them I love them."
"I will."
"Don't forget. And tell yourself while you're at it," Remus said as he stepped out of Sirius' arms, a sad smile slipping over his lips. As he dismantled his protective charms, his eyes were already in some distant field, some unknown battleground that Sirius would never know. Sirius forced himself to curl his hands into fists to keep from reaching for Remus again.
"I'd rather hear it from you," he said, not expecting an answer, and blinked hard on the sudden prick behind his eyes when he heard Remus' answering call.
"I love you, Sirius. I'll see you soon."
author: Dani
pairing: Remus/Sirius
word count 2968
rating NC-17
notes: written for 2010 schmoop bingo (prompt: fireworks)
Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No copyright infringement is intended. I've not made nor do I seek any profit.
(Revised June 2017)
It was too dangerous to Apparate anywhere in London if you wanted to keep your meetings secret, they had all been warned, and Sirius definitely needed to keep this meeting secret. The motorcycle was too recognizable, James had said when Sirius had slipped into Potter's temporary digs to explain his dilemma. They had talked about it over take away, each of their plans more ridiculously elaborate than the next until Sirius was reminded strongly of being at Hogwarts. When he shared that thought, a keening sort of homesick overtook them all.
In the end, it was Lily who decided the best plan was the most simple plan: he would go muggle and not use a bit of magic.
They quietly waited for her to write out the instructions on how to use the London Underground on a spare bit of parchment. She told him which tube stations to get on and off at, making him repeat the funny names three times before she nodded gravely. While she counted out a handful of muggle coins into his palm, she told him in no uncertain terms that he had to be careful and warned him sternly not to talk to strangers. She made him repeat their phone number, the one they only had so that Lily could talk with her mum, and added another few coins in case he needed to make an emergency call as if he were a young boy instead of a fully grown wizard. That had reduced James and Sirius to nervous giggles but Sirius had still whispered yes, mum as he bent to kiss her cheek.
He would never let her know how seriously he had taken her advice to heart as he sat in the back of a crowded carriage on the Central line, clutching his wand where it was hidden beneath his jacket.
Once he was back above ground in Ealing, he found the streets full of revelers from some sort of street carnival that Sirius had not expected when he had arranged this meeting. With so many people about, he was sure that Remus wouldn't show and he remembered another bit of Lily's advice: Don't be angry if he's not there. It's more dangerous than ever for him now, especially so close to the full moon.
Sirius tried to look as though he belonged as he hurried through the food stalls and avoided the street performers. Off the high street it was much quieter though he still passed a group of teenagers who giggled when they caught his eye and then a family who took in his long hair and black leather jacket with some visible trepidation though they still wished him a good evening. He wished James had come along if only to lend his dubious sense of respectability or at least to help pass the time while he waited for Remus in the doorway of a boarded up business some distance from the crowds. He felt sure that James would be able to think up a better explanation that might seem reasonable to a Muggle police officer if he was ever asked why he was loitering about.
He had only just decided that maybe a stray dog would attract less attention when Remus' voice come out of the darkness, suddenly close.
"You're early," Remus said around the glowing tip of his cigarette.
"I'm not," Sirius argued to cover up how startled he had been. He rolled his eyes as Remus carefully stubbed out the burning end and tucked the remains into a pocket, neat as ever. "You're late."
Remus huffed out a sound that might have been a laugh, maybe irritation. It had been so long since Sirius had heard anything from Remus that he wasn't confident in his ability to read him anymore. He let himself be tugged around the corner and deeper into the shadows of the alley until they left behind the sounds of the street. For a long time there was only the sound of their footsteps on the pavement and a train rumbling somewhere close.
"I almost didn't come at all," Remus said when it was finally safe to say anything at all. "I shouldn't have. If Moody finds out, he'll take it out of both our hides."
"Always our good boy, following the rules." There was a sharp edge to Sirius' voice but if Remus heard it, he ignored it. The mention of the Order had made Sirius inexplicably and unbearably angry and for a moment all he could do was nurse his temper as Remus cast protective charms around them. Some were foreign to Sirius and only served to underscore how long it had been since they had been together and the reasons why.
"I always mean to, at least. Follow the rules,” Remus said over his shoulder as he finished up weaving his magic. "You and James had a way of making the alternative seem so appealing. Still do."
Remus finally turned to smile at Sirius, tucking his wand into his belt and sliding his hands into his pockets. “Come on, Sirius, don’t sulk. I’ve come a long way to see you and we don’t have much time. We shouldn’t waste any of it.”
Sirius nodded, still sullen, but it wasn’t that he disagreed. He forced himself to meet Remus’ eyes for the first time and saw that his hair was long, longer than he had ever worn it before, and tied back with a ragged strip of cloth. Sirius didn't think it suited him though he would never say it aloud. At least not now when they had so little time and Sirius was already off on the wrong foot. It made Remus' long, lean face look gaunt--wolfish, and it struck Sirius that maybe that was the point. He wondered not for the first time what it was exactly that Remus did for the Order.
Grasping for a safe topic, he tried to think of some bit of news that maybe Remus hadn't heard yet that didn't have anything to do with the war. It had been months since they had last seen each other, not since late September. Of course, the memory of that long weekend spent drinking and fucking in a Glaswegian dive didn't feel like safe ground either.
"Lily's pregnant,” he blurted, thinking perhaps that it might actually be news to Remus since the only other person who knew was Peter and he had swore he hadn’t seen Remus in more than a year. Sirius was right and it made him happier to see Remus’ face transform with surprise into something more familiar.
"Is she? Tell her I said congratulations. Tell Prongs. Tell them both-- Give them my love."
"I will. James wanted to come to tell you himself.”
"I'm glad he didn't. It's not safe. We shouldn't even--"
"I told him he couldn’t come.”
"Oh. Right." Remus looked down at his feet, trying but failing to hide the hurt and disappointment that flitted across his features.
Sirius was sure that the rumors of who might be a traitor would have reached Remus' ears even if he rarely made it to an Order meeting these days. The sudden tension in Remus' shoulders made Sirius think that Remus could have benefitted from one of James' pep talks about trust, loyalty, and family. Sirius knew all the words by heart by now but didn't think he could do it justice.
“I didn’t mean it that way,” Sirius said gently. “Let’s start over, all right?”
When Remus didn’t say anything, Sirius took a step to close the distance between them and when Remus didn’t retreat any further, took another. He slipped his cold fingers beneath the frayed collar of Remus' cloak, resting his palm against the warm skin of Remus' neck. This close Sirius could see the fatigue etched into Remus’ features and the last of his anger fled. He gently tugged Remus closer, pulling him into his arms, and was grateful when Remus easily fell against him.
"I've missed you, is what I meant. I didn’t want James to come because I wanted to see you by myself,” Sirius whispered against the shell of Remus' ear. He didn't add where have you been and what have you been doing. It was dangerous to ask, and anyway, Remus wouldn't tell him, just as Sirius wouldn't tell if Remus asked him the same. He despised this war but instead of anger, he felt that wave of homesickness he had experienced with James and Lily wash over him again.
Sirius clutched Remus tighter against his chest and they held each other as if it would be the last time. They were both more than aware that it could be.
Sirius tucked his face against Remus’ neck and breathed deeply. On Remus he could smell the loamy scent of earth and dew on the grass. With the moon high and round above them, nearly full, he knew Remus had not been anywhere near the city for a long time. He pushed his hands into Remus' traveling cloak and dug his fingers beneath the scratchy wool of Remus' jumper to flatten his palms against Remus’ warm skin beneath.
Remus was all bone and sinewy muscle, as if he hadn't been eating well, and Sirius wondered if he had been living rough. He wondered what other secrets he could discover just by his senses alone. As if by cataloguing every change in Remus' body he could know the truth of what was happening to him, of how he spent the full moons away from them. Sirius knew he shouldn't even try. He thought maybe letting it go was the hardest thing he's had to do in a long time.
Having him this close for just a few minutes more would have to be enough to satiate the urge that had driven Sirius to risk their discovery by either side in asking Remus to travel so far for so little. He couldn’t ask Remus to chance anything else by word or deed. In another moment, they would say goodbye and hope that the war would end soon. Surely it had to end soon.
He let it come as a surprise when Remus, instead of pulling away, reached beneath Sirius’ clothes to touch him.
"I've missed you, too, Padfoot," Remus whispered against his skin then placed a biting kiss at the base of Sirius' throat. His thumb flicked at the button of Sirius' jeans, smoothing over the warm skin of his flat belly.
Sirius again tried to convince himself that he should step back, give them both space to calm down and walk away since he had already got what he came for. He had only wanted to see for himself that Remus was safe and to know that Remus was still willing to risk everything to come when Sirius asked. It should be enough, he reminded himself, but still let desire tug at him. He knew he could have more and worse: he wanted it.
Surging forward, he pushed Remus' back against the dirty wall of the alley, held Remus’ face between his hands and watched his eyes in the dim light. He knew if it wasn't so dark that he would be able to see Remus' skin begin to flush in anticipation, his pupils widening. Sirius really wished he could see it instead of relying on his memory from the many times in the past that they found themselves in the same position. He loved that moment when Remus would give in to him. He felt triumphant when he heard Remus’ take a deep, shuddering breath and felt him strain to get closer. He wished he had planned this out better, asked for more time. He should have rented them a room in the muggle part of the city where wizards—even bad ones—rarely visited, like he did before. He shouldn’t have let James talk him out of it, knowing, as he did, that Sirius would want more than just what was safe.
Instead, he could only hope that Remus’ protective spells were strong enough to keep them hidden then kissed him with all the need and want that had been building in him since he was last able to touch Remus like this.
“I want you so much,” he whispered against Remus’ lips. “It’s too dangerous here.”
He never expected to be the responsible one and blinked slowly when Remus touched his cheek with gentle fingers before a slow smile lifted one corner of his mouth. In the past, it was sometimes the only warning that a grand prank was in play and Sirius couldn't help but return it.
“You’re right. It’s way too dangerous. We could be caught,” Remus agreed but reeled Sirius in closer, kissing him hard in return. “I wish we had more time.”
“Me, too.”
“I can’t stay. I don’t dare miss my train back.”
“James is expecting me by midnight. He’ll come searching for me if I’m late.”
“Then don’t be late.”
“Next time.”
“Yeah.” Remus kissed him again, using his teeth and tongue to tease the desperate little sounds from Sirius’ mouth. He pulled away just enough to pant against his lips. “Though I think we have just enough time for this.”
"Merlin," Sirius whispered, the word puffing into the cold night air as Remus sank to his knees and ran his hands down the back of Sirius’ thighs. Sirius rested an arm against the wall, pressed his forehead to the rough bricks, and closed his other hand on Remus' shoulder while Remus worked his jeans open.
The wet heat of Remus' mouth was a shock. He'd nearly forgotten what this felt like with someone he loved as madly as he loved Remus. There had been others, rarely, and at the time he had never suffered any guilt. As Remus drew him in deeper, Sirius had to fight to keep his footing, and what had seemed rational then--cold comfort when death dogged his steps--now felt like the worst betrayal.
Sirius whispered a run of apologies as he cupped his hand over the base of Remus' skull, trailing his thumb over Remus' cheek. Remus stroked his hand down Sirius' legs before reaching for Sirius' hips, holding him steady as he curled his tongue around Sirius' cock, as he sucked and hummed out his own apologies. Sirius curled his fingers into the brick as Remus took him deeper, dragged him forward, encouraged him to move, and Sirius went with him. There was the heat down his spine, a tightening in his belly, and Sirius couldn't help but remember that Remus had always been like this, this eager, since their first kiss in seventh year. Since the first time Sirius had moved inside Remus' body. It had always felt this safe and familiar in a way it couldn’t with anyone else.
When Sirius had spent himself, he hauled Remus up by his cloak and pressed him back into the wall, kissing him again. He could taste himself on Remus' tongue, and chased it until Remus was straining against him. He pulled away, wanting to see Remus' eyes as he fumbled with the fastening on Remus' trousers, slipped his hand instead, and curled his fingers around Remus' hot flesh. It didn't take much, his calloused fingers around Remus' cock and Remus pushing into the circle of his fingers until Remus was spilling over his hand. "Fuck," Sirius said, his voice muffled against Remus' neck. Remus took deep, gulping breaths and echoed Sirius, biting the word out against Sirius' ear.
Down the alley and to the street, a loud cheer went up as the sky was suddenly lit with fireworks, white hot light, then red and blue. Another cheer, another burst of light and the crack pow of the explosion, and Sirius suddenly felt like joining in, felt it well up in his chest and spill into Remus as their kiss tempered into something more affectionate. He felt Remus grinning against his lips when neither could kiss anymore.
"We should go," Remus said once he could speak again, once they'd straightened their clothes and cast cursory cleaning spells. Once they'd kissed again, leaning against the wall, and once the party on the street seemed to be breaking up a bit, offering them crowds to disappear into.
“We should,” Sirius agreed even as he held onto Remus, loath to leave him when he couldn't ask when they would see each other again or if he thought things could ever go back to normal. When he couldn't even begin to define normal because it had never existed, not for them at least. "Bring yourself home safe," he finally said, knowing it was the only thing he could say, and Remus nodded against his neck.
"I will. I promise. This can't last forever,” Remus said as if reading his thoughts.
Sirius felt the edges of nervous laughter crowd around him, like they had in the Potter's warm kitchen at Lily’s mother henning, but this time he dared not give in, afraid of how quickly it could turn into something more dangerously frantic.
"Tell James and Lily, okay. Tell them I love them."
"I will."
"Don't forget. And tell yourself while you're at it," Remus said as he stepped out of Sirius' arms, a sad smile slipping over his lips. As he dismantled his protective charms, his eyes were already in some distant field, some unknown battleground that Sirius would never know. Sirius forced himself to curl his hands into fists to keep from reaching for Remus again.
"I'd rather hear it from you," he said, not expecting an answer, and blinked hard on the sudden prick behind his eyes when he heard Remus' answering call.
"I love you, Sirius. I'll see you soon."
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