Apr. 15th, 2008 07:30 am
Case of You, 3/7
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fox_confessorTitle: Case of You, Chapter 3
Author: Dani
Fandom: Lotrips
Pairing: Billy/Dom
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: A work of fiction; the recognizable people in the story belong to themselves and have never performed the actions portrayed here. I do not know the actors nor am I associated with them in any way. If you are underage, please do not read this story. I am not making any profit from these stories, nor do I mean any harm.
Notes: see chapter one two
March 2000
Dominic swings his front door open, expecting to see Billy but finding Sean Astin instead. The anticipation he had felt leaves his body in a whoosh, and he sighs heavily, remembering his manners too late. “Um, Sean. Hey. I was actually just about to head out.”
“Yeah, I know. I talked to Billy this morning.”
“So ... what are you doing here?”
Sean puts a hand on the door, pushing it, and Dominic, aside. “We need to talk,” he says, walking in and heading down the hall towards the kitchen without looking to see if Dominic followed.
Dominic groans and sticks his head out the door, looking up the street. With no sign of Billy, he shuts the door and heads down the hall to follow. Spotting the bottle of soda in Sean’s hand when he enters the kitchen, Dom wonders just how long Sean is planning to ‘talk.’ “Make yourself comfortable. Have a drink,” he says, sitting down at the table then waits, chin in hand.
Sean taps his fingers impatiently. “I don’t know what you’re thinking, but this is a really bad idea.”
“It’s a national park. There’s rangers and stuff. We’ll be fine.”
“I’m being serious here.”
“Sean--”
“He’s vulnerable right now.”
Dominic sighs again. “He’s a grown man, not a teenager with a first crush.”
“Damn it, Dom.” Sean twists in his seat, throwing the bottle cap that is still in his hand onto the table. It slides off the edge and onto the floor but the sound of plastic skittering across linoleum is enough to make Dominic wince. “Are you even taking this seriously?”
Dominic nods but finds he’s unable to meet Sean’s eyes. He's serious about his feelings--serious about being with Billy, but he worries that it won’t be good enough--he won’t be good enough--and Billy will decide this isn’t what he wants at all.
Sean sets his bottle down and stands up to pace the small kitchen, kicking the bottle cap across the floor with his sneaker. He stops, bending to pick up the cap and carefully throw it away before he begins his pacing again. It's safety-first Sean, of course, and Dominic thinks he shouldn’t be surprised. It makes him want to laugh.
“You’re going to end up hurting him.”
“No, I’m not.”
“How can you say that?”
Dominic puts his hands flat on the table in front of him, staring at them. He's unable to meet Sean’s eyes, knowing what he might see. He's sure of his answer, but it's something he worries about nonetheless. “Because I love him, and I’m not pushing him into anything.”
“Not pushing?” Sean stops in front of Dominic’s chair. “Dom. He was straight when he arrived here! He was practically a freakin’ playboy. And you’ve--”
Dominic starts laughing at Sean’s assessment. Looking up into Sean’s piercing but concerned stare, he can't figure out what he had been so afraid of. “First of all, I’m not starting a gay fucking cult here. Second, how much have you actually talked to him about this?”
Sean doesn’t seem amused. He shakes his head, letting on that he isn’t in the mood for jokes. “Several times,” he says, sitting back down, his voice stolid. “He said this morning that he’s seriously considering a relationship with you. This isn’t something to joke about. This is his life.”
Dominic doesn’t hear anything past relationship with you. He sits there, a wide grin spreading on his face--letting himself feel deliriously happy. Not that he and Billy hadn’t talked about this same thing, but it had never felt real. If Billy's talking to Sean about it, then maybe ...
“Okay, I can see that the feeling is mutual,” Sean says.
Dominic notices the slight change in Sean’s voice. “It is, Sean. It is.”
Nodding slowly, Sean actually looks more accepting about it than just a few moments ago. “Don’t you think this is moving a little fast?”
Pulled from his reverie by the question, Dominic reaches over to put his hand over one of Sean’s. “It’s been months since ... and Billy has set the pace the entire time. This isn’t just a whim. We’ve talked about it. A lot.”
“A couple of months isn’t exactly a long time when you’re talking about changing someone’s life. So if it's not a whim, what is it?”
“It’s nothing. Yet. Listen, we haven’t done anything. We haven’t even kissed.”
Sean pulls his hand away from Dominic’s. “You did once.”
Dominic is suddenly nervous to know that Sean knows about it--worried about how Sean interprets it. “He told you about that?” After Sean’s nod, he continues, “But that was in October, almost four months ago.”
“There you go talking about months again, Dom. My point is that this is overwhelming for him. Or can be.”
Dominic chews on the inside of his cheek feeling apprehensive as he studies. “Did he tell you that? Did Billy ask you to come here?”
“No.”
“Then why bring it up?” They stare at each other for a few minutes more before Dominic gives a large sigh. “Listen, Sean, I appreciate what you’re saying but--”
“I don’t want to see him hurt.” The look on Sean’s face makes that even clearer than his words do.
“Neither do I. He’s my best friend. I’m not going to hurt him.”
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
“What if he decides this is all a mistake? That what he thought was ... whatever he thinks it is, is just because of the circumstances of being here. Or what if he decides that it’s just too much to handle when he’s back home, back with his family and friends? What are you going to do then?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?” Sean looks confused. “You just said you loved him!”
“I do. But like I said before. He’s my best friend. I’m not going to stop loving him if he can’t return it in the same way. I would just go on.”
“You wouldn’t be disappointed?”
“Of course!” Just when Dominic thinks that Sean's getting he, that he understands, the man only gets more annoying with his questions. “I’m not saying that. I just mean--” A loud knock stops Dominic and he stands up. “I know you care about us, Sean, and I love you for it, but this is something Billy and I have to work out for ourselves.”
Sean looks like he's going to respond until a voice comes from the other room.
“Hello? Dom?”
“In the kitchen!” Dominic turns back to Sean. “Just let us work it out. Okay? Don’t tell him about this. Please.”
“Don’t tell me what?”
Both Sean and Dominic look up to where Billy stands in the doorway, hands in his pockets. Dominic looks at Sean pleadingly, not wanting anything to ruin the outing he's planned for so long. The expression on Sean’s face softens when he turns from Dominic to Billy. “It’s nothing. Just being the mother hen. So what are you guys going to do out there? Hike?”
Billy looks from Sean to Dominic. They had obviously just had a conversation--a conversation about what he had said to Sean this morning? Looking at Dominic's smile, he doubts it. Dominic wouldn’t look so pleased if he knew. “Yeah. Heading up the coast a bit.”
“Place that Andy told us about,” Dominic explains. “You can hike up through these woods and ...”
“... go right to the shore and there’s always these seals,” Billy continues. “Just feeding and swimming, sunning themselves.”
Sean smiles. “We ought to take Ally up one day. She’d really enjoy it.”
“I’ll buy her some cute little hiking boots, tell her it’s our honeymoon,” Dominic says, laughing a little. When Billy turns around to look at him, he adds, “Mine and Ally’s.” He has no idea why he feels the need to clarify that.
Looking away from Dominic to the floor, Billy feels his face flush a little. “Um, were you going to come today, Sean?”
Knowing only Sean can see him, Dominic shakes his head and adds a wave of his hand just to be sure.
“Um …” Sean says.
When Billy rises back up, he notices Sean looking past him. He turns to look at Dominic who is running his hand through his hair, then looks back at Sean.
“No. Not today, Billy. Just wanted to stop by and um …”
“Play mother hen?” Dominic finishes. Smiling, Sean shakes his head at Dominic’s helpful suggestion and stands up.
Billy watches the exchange, curious. “Are you two going to tell me what’s going on?”
Dominic puts on his best calm, cool and collected act. “It’s nothing, is it, Sean?”
“Right. I’m going to take off,” Sean says, quickly leaving the kitchen. His voice echoes from the hallway, “You two have fun today and be careful. Make sure you take a map and a compass. As a matter of fact, maybe you could borrow a walkie-talkie from--”
“Yes, Mum!” Dominic yells.
“Fine. Don’t listen to me. See you later, guys.”
Billy waits to hear the door close. “So, what was that all about?”
Dominic begins to straighten up, throwing Sean’s bottle into the recycling bin. He definitely doesn’t think it's a good time to have a serious conversation. “You know how Sean is.”
“I don’t mean that. I meant--”
“I know what you meant, Billy.” Dominic stops and grabs the edge of the counter with both hands, his shoulders tense, before he turns and forces a bright smile. “You about ready to go?”
Billy stares at Dominic for a moment, knowing there's something left unsaid. He taps his fingers on the table as he thinks about his own secret--the one he's keeping from Dominic. So now they're even. “Yeah, sure. Let’s go.”
***
Billy trudges up the steep slope, his eyes on Dominic’s red shirt several meters ahead of him. Thoughts of how to explain to him that he can’t pursue a relationship fill his mind. He tries and discards several approaches, knowing that nothing will ever make it easy. Distracted, he grabs a young sapling to pull himself up and gives a cry when it's pulled loose, sending him sliding down on his knees.
“Billy!” Dominic calls out, cautiously picking his way back down, half sliding on his bottom. “Are you okay?”
Cursing himself for not paying attention, Billy stands up, brushing the pebbles and dirt from his hands and knees, more embarrassed than hurt. Bending over, he inspects a small hole in the knee of his jeans, noticing a little blood. “Ripped. Cut my knee. But otherwise I’m fine.”
Dominic slings his daypack onto the ground and kneels in front of Billy.
“I’m fine. Don’t fuss.”
“Hush. Just let me look. I’ve got a first aid kit.”
“Always prepared.”
“Just like a scout.” Dominic carefully pushes the cuff of Billy’s trousers up past his knee and gently strokes his finger next to the thin cut. Unzipping his pack, he pulls out the small kit and opens it up.
“Hand me the bottle of water.”
Dominic hands it up and watches as Billy tips his head back, taking a long draught. He lowers his eyes away from the neck he longs to taste and reaches for an alcohol pad. “This’ll smart a bit.”
Billy nods his head, dragging the back of his hand across his mouth. He grimaces when he feels the sting then taps the bottle against his leg and decides that it's as good a time as any to talk. “Dom?”
“Yeah?” Dominic folds the pad in half and dabs at the cut.
“I, um ... I think that maybe ...” Billy stops and looks down. Dominic is holding his calf in one hand, rubbing soothing patterns against the back of his leg, while gently blowing away the sting of the alcohol. All thoughts flee his mind as he watches Dominic care for him so tenderly.
Noticing Billy’s silence, Dominic looks up and they stare at each for what seems like an eternity. Finally breaking the silence, Dominic asks softly, “You were thinking what?”
A rumble of thunder has them both looking up just as raindrops start to fall. Dominic hurries to place a bandage over Billy’s knee and pull down Billy's trouser leg before he gathers everything into his pack and stands up. “There,” he says, pointing to a rock cropping several meters away. “We’ll have to hurry. Can you walk okay?”
“It’s a bloody scrape, Dom,” Billy says, almost offended at Dominic’s question. He's not fragile or anything, at least not on most days. “I told you it didn’t hurt much.”
Dominic narrows his eyes, trying to decide if Billy is telling him the truth. To him, it looks as though it would hurt pretty badly. The rain, however, decides for him, as it begins to pour steadily over their heads. He grabs Billy’s hand and pulls him along behind, jumping a little at a sudden burst of lightning that lights up the sky around them.
Reaching the rocks, they see a little alcove that will allow them to stay out of the rain. Once inside, they lean back against the cold rock wall, quiet as they watch the small waterfall caused by the heavy rain. They're mostly shielded from the wind, but the temperature seems to drop very quickly as they wait for the rain to stop. Billy shivers a bit, wrapping his arms around his chest. “This is what I'd call bad planning.”
“Yeah.” Dominic's somewhat disappointed by the change in the weather and their plans, but also just glad to be with Billy at all. Anywhere. “Cold?”
“A little.”
“You want my jacket?”
“Then you’ll be cold,” Billy says, stepping forward to look past the rocks a bit, thinking about how peaceful it is--being caught like this. He feels like they are the only two in the world. Remembering what he has to tell Dominic, he wishes they could stay just as they are. Still, he knows it isn’t fair to delay explaining. He has to tell Dominic the truth--that he just can’t do it. That he isn’t ready to pursue that side of himself. He knows that things can’t go back to the way they were, being best mates, but he hopes Dominic will understand. Suddenly, Billy feels very cold and quite alone.
Watching Billy rub his hands against his arms, looking colder than before, Dominic thinks about the night he and Billy had kissed. The moment seems similar, because of the cold, yet different--they're already past the first kiss. He also thinks about his conversation with Sean, worries that maybe he has pushed. That he wants a relationship so much, that he has been pressuring Billy into it just to please himself. His stomach knots with the fear. But what he told Sean earlier is true. He loves Billy, perhaps more than he has ever loved anyone in his entire life. And he considers that as being the main reason he should release Billy.
Pain fills Dominic’s mind at his decision but he knows he can’t back down. He takes a hesitant step. “Bill?”
Billy, immersed in his own thoughts, doesn’t answer Dominic’s soft call. He shivers again, lowering his sad eyes to the damp earth at his feet. Dominic chews on his lower lip, reaching a timid hand towards Billy’s arm before pulling it back. He watches as Billy’s shoulders shudder again and reaches his hand back out, resting it gently on his shoulder. He rubs a soft circle then steps closer, sliding his arm around to Billy’s waist. Feeling the cold skin of Billy’s arm against his hand, he steps even closer, pulling Billy against his chest.
Feeling Dominic’s hand on his shoulder gets Billy's attention. He holds himself very still, Dominic encircling him, their bodies touching from shoulder to foot. He stiffens for a moment, not sure how to react but craving the warmth Dominic offers. It's just like that first night day--the first time Dominic had kissed him.
Dominic crosses one arm over Billy’s waist and with the other rubs heat into his upper arm, his fingers sliding under the thin material of Billy's t-shirt. He feels Billy relax against him, so Dominic rests his chin on Billy’s shoulder. They stand quietly, watching the rain from behind their small waterfall as it creates small streams that flow down the hillside.
Billy looks to where Dominic’s hand now covers his own on his bicep. The arguments fly from his mind as he looks at the slightly tanned fingers gently stroking his pale skin. He lifts his head and watches Dominic for a moment out of the corner of his eye, raising and lowering his eyes more times than he means to. Feeling Billy fidget, Dominic turns to look at him and finds that he's being watched in return. He lowers his head a bit and licks his own lips, yearning to place them on those so close. But then he remembers his decision. Remembers that he loves Billy too much to take advantage of him again.
Billy’s thoughts are blank. His world has condensed to this one moment. He watches as the tip of Dominic’s tongue darts out to moisten his lips. Sees that Dominic’s eyes are focused on his own mouth. The panic and the fear and the indecision have melted away. Everything seems so clear and he closes his eyes, leaning forward to close the distance between their mouths.
For a moment, the world stops and neither moves, not wanting to disturb the soft press of lips. It’s so different, Billy thinks, so different, yet so very, very wonderful and familiar. Like having all the answers to every question asked. Like waking up on Christmas morning wrapped in a warm blanket. Like ... home. And then it ends and they once again look at each other, but for Billy, it's like he's seeing Dominic in a whole new light.
“Are you okay?”
“No, Dom,” Billy answers breathlessly. “No. I’m scared to death.”
Dominic steps away, dropping his arms. “I’m ... I’m sorry. I ...”
Billy steps forward, putting one hand on Dominic’s arm to stop him from moving away. He brushes his fingertips over Dominic’s lips, over his cheek, over his eyebrow, quieting the apologies. How can he explain what he's feeling? He is scared, there's no doubt about it, but there's also no turning back. He loves Dominic, loves him and can’t imagine missing that chance. But ... Billy shakes his head to clear his mind of doubts. Meeting Dominic’s eyes, he knows he should explain but it's just too much. They can talk later. Stroking his fingers over Dominic’s furrowed brow, Billy tries to soothe away his worries. Did he dare to kiss him again?
“Is everything all right? Are we all right, Billy?”
“Yeah. I think we are.”
Dominic grins, that same feeling of insane happiness as he had felt talking with Sean this morning returning, and Billy laughs. He feels it--feels surrounded by Dominic’s bliss. Feeling as if a great burden had been removed, Dominic presses close again. “Can I kiss you?”
Billy feels a chill run down his back, but not from the wind and rain this time. He hesitates only a moment before nodding his head. Closing his eyes, he waits.
Putting his hands on Billy’s hips, Dominic pulls him closer. He studies Billy's upturned face for a moment, too excited and too happy and all other sorts of too’s. He moves his head towards Billy and runs a finger over his lips, sliding his fingertips down his neck, resting his thumb there to feel Billy's rapid pulse.
Trembling, Billy feels Dominic’s warm breath against his lips, saying “Billy.” He wonders where to put his hands and if Dominic can feel how nervous he is. Then, as their lips come together, his mind clears and his world narrows once more to the feeling of Dominic’s lips on his own. His hands lift of their own accord to rest on Dominic’s back, pulling him closer still.
Dominic’s mind buzzes. He feels as though every nerve ending in his body is suddenly and exquisitely on fire. He draws his arms around Billy tighter, reaching up to press his hand to the back of Billy’s head. Billy moans into the kiss, kissing back, feeling his bottom lip stroked by Dominic’s tongue. He wants to open up to Dominic, and so does. Tentatively. A slight parting. Dominic tries to remind himself to go slow, but the velvety warmth of Billy’s mouth undoes him. He pushes, seeking to explore every part of Billy’s mouth, seeking out every taste.
“Dom,” Billy murmurs into the kiss but Dominic is too far gone. “Dom ... Dom!” he said more insistently, pulling away. “Stop for a minute.”
Dominic drags his lips away, resting them against Billy’s forehead, breathing unsteadily. “I’m sorry.”
“Quit apologizing.” Billy leans his head up, cupping Dominic’s cheek. He smiles softly. It's right, he's sure but very, very different. “Slow. We need to take it slow.”
“I can do slow.” And the grin is back on Dominic’s face. He looks past Billy, trying to reconcile himself to slow. “The rain has stopped.”
“Ah, it has,” Billy says, turning to see where their waterfall has become a trickle. “Did you want to go back?”
“No.” Dominic pulls Billy back into a tight embrace. “Let’s just ... stay here for a while.”
Author: Dani
Fandom: Lotrips
Pairing: Billy/Dom
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: A work of fiction; the recognizable people in the story belong to themselves and have never performed the actions portrayed here. I do not know the actors nor am I associated with them in any way. If you are underage, please do not read this story. I am not making any profit from these stories, nor do I mean any harm.
Notes: see chapter one two
March 2000
Dominic swings his front door open, expecting to see Billy but finding Sean Astin instead. The anticipation he had felt leaves his body in a whoosh, and he sighs heavily, remembering his manners too late. “Um, Sean. Hey. I was actually just about to head out.”
“Yeah, I know. I talked to Billy this morning.”
“So ... what are you doing here?”
Sean puts a hand on the door, pushing it, and Dominic, aside. “We need to talk,” he says, walking in and heading down the hall towards the kitchen without looking to see if Dominic followed.
Dominic groans and sticks his head out the door, looking up the street. With no sign of Billy, he shuts the door and heads down the hall to follow. Spotting the bottle of soda in Sean’s hand when he enters the kitchen, Dom wonders just how long Sean is planning to ‘talk.’ “Make yourself comfortable. Have a drink,” he says, sitting down at the table then waits, chin in hand.
Sean taps his fingers impatiently. “I don’t know what you’re thinking, but this is a really bad idea.”
“It’s a national park. There’s rangers and stuff. We’ll be fine.”
“I’m being serious here.”
“Sean--”
“He’s vulnerable right now.”
Dominic sighs again. “He’s a grown man, not a teenager with a first crush.”
“Damn it, Dom.” Sean twists in his seat, throwing the bottle cap that is still in his hand onto the table. It slides off the edge and onto the floor but the sound of plastic skittering across linoleum is enough to make Dominic wince. “Are you even taking this seriously?”
Dominic nods but finds he’s unable to meet Sean’s eyes. He's serious about his feelings--serious about being with Billy, but he worries that it won’t be good enough--he won’t be good enough--and Billy will decide this isn’t what he wants at all.
Sean sets his bottle down and stands up to pace the small kitchen, kicking the bottle cap across the floor with his sneaker. He stops, bending to pick up the cap and carefully throw it away before he begins his pacing again. It's safety-first Sean, of course, and Dominic thinks he shouldn’t be surprised. It makes him want to laugh.
“You’re going to end up hurting him.”
“No, I’m not.”
“How can you say that?”
Dominic puts his hands flat on the table in front of him, staring at them. He's unable to meet Sean’s eyes, knowing what he might see. He's sure of his answer, but it's something he worries about nonetheless. “Because I love him, and I’m not pushing him into anything.”
“Not pushing?” Sean stops in front of Dominic’s chair. “Dom. He was straight when he arrived here! He was practically a freakin’ playboy. And you’ve--”
Dominic starts laughing at Sean’s assessment. Looking up into Sean’s piercing but concerned stare, he can't figure out what he had been so afraid of. “First of all, I’m not starting a gay fucking cult here. Second, how much have you actually talked to him about this?”
Sean doesn’t seem amused. He shakes his head, letting on that he isn’t in the mood for jokes. “Several times,” he says, sitting back down, his voice stolid. “He said this morning that he’s seriously considering a relationship with you. This isn’t something to joke about. This is his life.”
Dominic doesn’t hear anything past relationship with you. He sits there, a wide grin spreading on his face--letting himself feel deliriously happy. Not that he and Billy hadn’t talked about this same thing, but it had never felt real. If Billy's talking to Sean about it, then maybe ...
“Okay, I can see that the feeling is mutual,” Sean says.
Dominic notices the slight change in Sean’s voice. “It is, Sean. It is.”
Nodding slowly, Sean actually looks more accepting about it than just a few moments ago. “Don’t you think this is moving a little fast?”
Pulled from his reverie by the question, Dominic reaches over to put his hand over one of Sean’s. “It’s been months since ... and Billy has set the pace the entire time. This isn’t just a whim. We’ve talked about it. A lot.”
“A couple of months isn’t exactly a long time when you’re talking about changing someone’s life. So if it's not a whim, what is it?”
“It’s nothing. Yet. Listen, we haven’t done anything. We haven’t even kissed.”
Sean pulls his hand away from Dominic’s. “You did once.”
Dominic is suddenly nervous to know that Sean knows about it--worried about how Sean interprets it. “He told you about that?” After Sean’s nod, he continues, “But that was in October, almost four months ago.”
“There you go talking about months again, Dom. My point is that this is overwhelming for him. Or can be.”
Dominic chews on the inside of his cheek feeling apprehensive as he studies. “Did he tell you that? Did Billy ask you to come here?”
“No.”
“Then why bring it up?” They stare at each other for a few minutes more before Dominic gives a large sigh. “Listen, Sean, I appreciate what you’re saying but--”
“I don’t want to see him hurt.” The look on Sean’s face makes that even clearer than his words do.
“Neither do I. He’s my best friend. I’m not going to hurt him.”
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
“What if he decides this is all a mistake? That what he thought was ... whatever he thinks it is, is just because of the circumstances of being here. Or what if he decides that it’s just too much to handle when he’s back home, back with his family and friends? What are you going to do then?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?” Sean looks confused. “You just said you loved him!”
“I do. But like I said before. He’s my best friend. I’m not going to stop loving him if he can’t return it in the same way. I would just go on.”
“You wouldn’t be disappointed?”
“Of course!” Just when Dominic thinks that Sean's getting he, that he understands, the man only gets more annoying with his questions. “I’m not saying that. I just mean--” A loud knock stops Dominic and he stands up. “I know you care about us, Sean, and I love you for it, but this is something Billy and I have to work out for ourselves.”
Sean looks like he's going to respond until a voice comes from the other room.
“Hello? Dom?”
“In the kitchen!” Dominic turns back to Sean. “Just let us work it out. Okay? Don’t tell him about this. Please.”
“Don’t tell me what?”
Both Sean and Dominic look up to where Billy stands in the doorway, hands in his pockets. Dominic looks at Sean pleadingly, not wanting anything to ruin the outing he's planned for so long. The expression on Sean’s face softens when he turns from Dominic to Billy. “It’s nothing. Just being the mother hen. So what are you guys going to do out there? Hike?”
Billy looks from Sean to Dominic. They had obviously just had a conversation--a conversation about what he had said to Sean this morning? Looking at Dominic's smile, he doubts it. Dominic wouldn’t look so pleased if he knew. “Yeah. Heading up the coast a bit.”
“Place that Andy told us about,” Dominic explains. “You can hike up through these woods and ...”
“... go right to the shore and there’s always these seals,” Billy continues. “Just feeding and swimming, sunning themselves.”
Sean smiles. “We ought to take Ally up one day. She’d really enjoy it.”
“I’ll buy her some cute little hiking boots, tell her it’s our honeymoon,” Dominic says, laughing a little. When Billy turns around to look at him, he adds, “Mine and Ally’s.” He has no idea why he feels the need to clarify that.
Looking away from Dominic to the floor, Billy feels his face flush a little. “Um, were you going to come today, Sean?”
Knowing only Sean can see him, Dominic shakes his head and adds a wave of his hand just to be sure.
“Um …” Sean says.
When Billy rises back up, he notices Sean looking past him. He turns to look at Dominic who is running his hand through his hair, then looks back at Sean.
“No. Not today, Billy. Just wanted to stop by and um …”
“Play mother hen?” Dominic finishes. Smiling, Sean shakes his head at Dominic’s helpful suggestion and stands up.
Billy watches the exchange, curious. “Are you two going to tell me what’s going on?”
Dominic puts on his best calm, cool and collected act. “It’s nothing, is it, Sean?”
“Right. I’m going to take off,” Sean says, quickly leaving the kitchen. His voice echoes from the hallway, “You two have fun today and be careful. Make sure you take a map and a compass. As a matter of fact, maybe you could borrow a walkie-talkie from--”
“Yes, Mum!” Dominic yells.
“Fine. Don’t listen to me. See you later, guys.”
Billy waits to hear the door close. “So, what was that all about?”
Dominic begins to straighten up, throwing Sean’s bottle into the recycling bin. He definitely doesn’t think it's a good time to have a serious conversation. “You know how Sean is.”
“I don’t mean that. I meant--”
“I know what you meant, Billy.” Dominic stops and grabs the edge of the counter with both hands, his shoulders tense, before he turns and forces a bright smile. “You about ready to go?”
Billy stares at Dominic for a moment, knowing there's something left unsaid. He taps his fingers on the table as he thinks about his own secret--the one he's keeping from Dominic. So now they're even. “Yeah, sure. Let’s go.”
***
Billy trudges up the steep slope, his eyes on Dominic’s red shirt several meters ahead of him. Thoughts of how to explain to him that he can’t pursue a relationship fill his mind. He tries and discards several approaches, knowing that nothing will ever make it easy. Distracted, he grabs a young sapling to pull himself up and gives a cry when it's pulled loose, sending him sliding down on his knees.
“Billy!” Dominic calls out, cautiously picking his way back down, half sliding on his bottom. “Are you okay?”
Cursing himself for not paying attention, Billy stands up, brushing the pebbles and dirt from his hands and knees, more embarrassed than hurt. Bending over, he inspects a small hole in the knee of his jeans, noticing a little blood. “Ripped. Cut my knee. But otherwise I’m fine.”
Dominic slings his daypack onto the ground and kneels in front of Billy.
“I’m fine. Don’t fuss.”
“Hush. Just let me look. I’ve got a first aid kit.”
“Always prepared.”
“Just like a scout.” Dominic carefully pushes the cuff of Billy’s trousers up past his knee and gently strokes his finger next to the thin cut. Unzipping his pack, he pulls out the small kit and opens it up.
“Hand me the bottle of water.”
Dominic hands it up and watches as Billy tips his head back, taking a long draught. He lowers his eyes away from the neck he longs to taste and reaches for an alcohol pad. “This’ll smart a bit.”
Billy nods his head, dragging the back of his hand across his mouth. He grimaces when he feels the sting then taps the bottle against his leg and decides that it's as good a time as any to talk. “Dom?”
“Yeah?” Dominic folds the pad in half and dabs at the cut.
“I, um ... I think that maybe ...” Billy stops and looks down. Dominic is holding his calf in one hand, rubbing soothing patterns against the back of his leg, while gently blowing away the sting of the alcohol. All thoughts flee his mind as he watches Dominic care for him so tenderly.
Noticing Billy’s silence, Dominic looks up and they stare at each for what seems like an eternity. Finally breaking the silence, Dominic asks softly, “You were thinking what?”
A rumble of thunder has them both looking up just as raindrops start to fall. Dominic hurries to place a bandage over Billy’s knee and pull down Billy's trouser leg before he gathers everything into his pack and stands up. “There,” he says, pointing to a rock cropping several meters away. “We’ll have to hurry. Can you walk okay?”
“It’s a bloody scrape, Dom,” Billy says, almost offended at Dominic’s question. He's not fragile or anything, at least not on most days. “I told you it didn’t hurt much.”
Dominic narrows his eyes, trying to decide if Billy is telling him the truth. To him, it looks as though it would hurt pretty badly. The rain, however, decides for him, as it begins to pour steadily over their heads. He grabs Billy’s hand and pulls him along behind, jumping a little at a sudden burst of lightning that lights up the sky around them.
Reaching the rocks, they see a little alcove that will allow them to stay out of the rain. Once inside, they lean back against the cold rock wall, quiet as they watch the small waterfall caused by the heavy rain. They're mostly shielded from the wind, but the temperature seems to drop very quickly as they wait for the rain to stop. Billy shivers a bit, wrapping his arms around his chest. “This is what I'd call bad planning.”
“Yeah.” Dominic's somewhat disappointed by the change in the weather and their plans, but also just glad to be with Billy at all. Anywhere. “Cold?”
“A little.”
“You want my jacket?”
“Then you’ll be cold,” Billy says, stepping forward to look past the rocks a bit, thinking about how peaceful it is--being caught like this. He feels like they are the only two in the world. Remembering what he has to tell Dominic, he wishes they could stay just as they are. Still, he knows it isn’t fair to delay explaining. He has to tell Dominic the truth--that he just can’t do it. That he isn’t ready to pursue that side of himself. He knows that things can’t go back to the way they were, being best mates, but he hopes Dominic will understand. Suddenly, Billy feels very cold and quite alone.
Watching Billy rub his hands against his arms, looking colder than before, Dominic thinks about the night he and Billy had kissed. The moment seems similar, because of the cold, yet different--they're already past the first kiss. He also thinks about his conversation with Sean, worries that maybe he has pushed. That he wants a relationship so much, that he has been pressuring Billy into it just to please himself. His stomach knots with the fear. But what he told Sean earlier is true. He loves Billy, perhaps more than he has ever loved anyone in his entire life. And he considers that as being the main reason he should release Billy.
Pain fills Dominic’s mind at his decision but he knows he can’t back down. He takes a hesitant step. “Bill?”
Billy, immersed in his own thoughts, doesn’t answer Dominic’s soft call. He shivers again, lowering his sad eyes to the damp earth at his feet. Dominic chews on his lower lip, reaching a timid hand towards Billy’s arm before pulling it back. He watches as Billy’s shoulders shudder again and reaches his hand back out, resting it gently on his shoulder. He rubs a soft circle then steps closer, sliding his arm around to Billy’s waist. Feeling the cold skin of Billy’s arm against his hand, he steps even closer, pulling Billy against his chest.
Feeling Dominic’s hand on his shoulder gets Billy's attention. He holds himself very still, Dominic encircling him, their bodies touching from shoulder to foot. He stiffens for a moment, not sure how to react but craving the warmth Dominic offers. It's just like that first night day--the first time Dominic had kissed him.
Dominic crosses one arm over Billy’s waist and with the other rubs heat into his upper arm, his fingers sliding under the thin material of Billy's t-shirt. He feels Billy relax against him, so Dominic rests his chin on Billy’s shoulder. They stand quietly, watching the rain from behind their small waterfall as it creates small streams that flow down the hillside.
Billy looks to where Dominic’s hand now covers his own on his bicep. The arguments fly from his mind as he looks at the slightly tanned fingers gently stroking his pale skin. He lifts his head and watches Dominic for a moment out of the corner of his eye, raising and lowering his eyes more times than he means to. Feeling Billy fidget, Dominic turns to look at him and finds that he's being watched in return. He lowers his head a bit and licks his own lips, yearning to place them on those so close. But then he remembers his decision. Remembers that he loves Billy too much to take advantage of him again.
Billy’s thoughts are blank. His world has condensed to this one moment. He watches as the tip of Dominic’s tongue darts out to moisten his lips. Sees that Dominic’s eyes are focused on his own mouth. The panic and the fear and the indecision have melted away. Everything seems so clear and he closes his eyes, leaning forward to close the distance between their mouths.
For a moment, the world stops and neither moves, not wanting to disturb the soft press of lips. It’s so different, Billy thinks, so different, yet so very, very wonderful and familiar. Like having all the answers to every question asked. Like waking up on Christmas morning wrapped in a warm blanket. Like ... home. And then it ends and they once again look at each other, but for Billy, it's like he's seeing Dominic in a whole new light.
“Are you okay?”
“No, Dom,” Billy answers breathlessly. “No. I’m scared to death.”
Dominic steps away, dropping his arms. “I’m ... I’m sorry. I ...”
Billy steps forward, putting one hand on Dominic’s arm to stop him from moving away. He brushes his fingertips over Dominic’s lips, over his cheek, over his eyebrow, quieting the apologies. How can he explain what he's feeling? He is scared, there's no doubt about it, but there's also no turning back. He loves Dominic, loves him and can’t imagine missing that chance. But ... Billy shakes his head to clear his mind of doubts. Meeting Dominic’s eyes, he knows he should explain but it's just too much. They can talk later. Stroking his fingers over Dominic’s furrowed brow, Billy tries to soothe away his worries. Did he dare to kiss him again?
“Is everything all right? Are we all right, Billy?”
“Yeah. I think we are.”
Dominic grins, that same feeling of insane happiness as he had felt talking with Sean this morning returning, and Billy laughs. He feels it--feels surrounded by Dominic’s bliss. Feeling as if a great burden had been removed, Dominic presses close again. “Can I kiss you?”
Billy feels a chill run down his back, but not from the wind and rain this time. He hesitates only a moment before nodding his head. Closing his eyes, he waits.
Putting his hands on Billy’s hips, Dominic pulls him closer. He studies Billy's upturned face for a moment, too excited and too happy and all other sorts of too’s. He moves his head towards Billy and runs a finger over his lips, sliding his fingertips down his neck, resting his thumb there to feel Billy's rapid pulse.
Trembling, Billy feels Dominic’s warm breath against his lips, saying “Billy.” He wonders where to put his hands and if Dominic can feel how nervous he is. Then, as their lips come together, his mind clears and his world narrows once more to the feeling of Dominic’s lips on his own. His hands lift of their own accord to rest on Dominic’s back, pulling him closer still.
Dominic’s mind buzzes. He feels as though every nerve ending in his body is suddenly and exquisitely on fire. He draws his arms around Billy tighter, reaching up to press his hand to the back of Billy’s head. Billy moans into the kiss, kissing back, feeling his bottom lip stroked by Dominic’s tongue. He wants to open up to Dominic, and so does. Tentatively. A slight parting. Dominic tries to remind himself to go slow, but the velvety warmth of Billy’s mouth undoes him. He pushes, seeking to explore every part of Billy’s mouth, seeking out every taste.
“Dom,” Billy murmurs into the kiss but Dominic is too far gone. “Dom ... Dom!” he said more insistently, pulling away. “Stop for a minute.”
Dominic drags his lips away, resting them against Billy’s forehead, breathing unsteadily. “I’m sorry.”
“Quit apologizing.” Billy leans his head up, cupping Dominic’s cheek. He smiles softly. It's right, he's sure but very, very different. “Slow. We need to take it slow.”
“I can do slow.” And the grin is back on Dominic’s face. He looks past Billy, trying to reconcile himself to slow. “The rain has stopped.”
“Ah, it has,” Billy says, turning to see where their waterfall has become a trickle. “Did you want to go back?”
“No.” Dominic pulls Billy back into a tight embrace. “Let’s just ... stay here for a while.”
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