Jul. 13th, 2011 04:12 pm
Fic: These Four Kings (Year Six 9/9)
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fox_confessorSoooo I'm going to post this here in a bit of OMG! I can't believe I finished it glee! And then tonight when I get home, I'll read it over and correct the likely 101 mistakes in tenses and the places were I've repeated words and all the other things that will drive me to distraction [Done!]. But in the meantime, let's just have a bit of a party for year 6 being OVAH and bask in the glory of knowing the next part is already written and will be posted tomorrow. [this part was hard, btw, because I had doubts (and still do) but it's written now and yay! moving on finally]
Title: These Four Kings (Year Six 9/9)
Author: Dani (![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
escribo)
Word count: 4000~
Rating: PG-13 (language, violence)
(Pairings: in the future will be Remus/Sirius, Lily/James)
Timeline: June 1977
Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No copyright infringement is intended. I've not made nor seek any profit.
Year 1: one/ two/ three/ four/ five/ six/ seven
Year 2: one/ two/ three/ four
Year 3: one/ two/three/four
Year 4 (coming in the future when work quits eating my brains! Sorry for the out-of-order-ness)
Year 5 one/ two/ three/ four/ five/ six/ seven/ eight
Year 6 one/ two/ three/ four/ five/ six/ seven/ eight
Sirius had been in the tiny storeroom behind the Potion classroom for an age, scrubbing cauldrons and glass phials--a favorite detention of Slughorn's, or at least Sirius assumed so since it wasn't even the first time that month that Sirius had had to do it. It was different when Sirius at least felt as though he'd done something to earn his punishment. He certainly hadn't replaced an acorn for the marionberry seed in Snape's cauldron earlier that day during class. James had long ago persuaded Sirius that the better part of valor was to pretend Snape didn't even exist since the thing that had happened happened. Besides, how was it that the supposed Potions genius couldn't tell the difference between a seed and an acorn? Of course, that hadn't stopped Slughorn from demanding that Sirius and James turn out their pockets and found three more acorns between them. They'd both received detention for that night--a full moon night--and for the next two nights beyond.
Sirius lined up another set of phials onto a drying rack and set them back onto their shelf before he dug out the mirror from his pocket again, calling to James.
"He's done this on purpose," Sirius hissed as soon as James appeared. James looked only slightly less annoyed than Sirius felt; of course, James got to be up in the library doing research for Slughorn rather than being trapped in the dungeon for hours on end. Sirius' mood plummeted even further.
"Sluggie always makes you clean," James whispered back.
"I'm not talking about him. I'm talking about Remus." Sirius had had plenty of time to think about it. Remus was the most likely candidate for a prank that depended upon its perpetrator having obscure botanical knowledge and access to James and Sirius. If the switch had been clever enough that Snape hadn't recognized a change to his ingredients, then Sirius was positive it had to have been Remus. Peter would have never managed and who else would have bothered? "He set us up."
"He wouldn't have."
"He would. He did."
"C'mon Sirius. Why would he do that?"
"Why do you think?" Sirius scowled and looked away from the mirror. Ever since he had confessed to James what he felt for Remus, James had treated him to a round of pitying looks (though James swore he hadn't) and whispered encouragement for Sirius to tell Remus everything. "He didn't want us with him tonight. He's still mad at me."
"He says he's not."
"I know what he says," Sirius whispered, fighting to keep his voice even. "But he doesn't talk to me, not like he used to."
"He's not talking to any of us really. I think he just needs to work through this on his own. He'll be all right."
"Don't you dare tell me to be patient, not after the number of times you've asked Evans out this week alone."
"I wouldn't dream of it."
Sirius could hear the tease in James voice and looked back into the mirror in time to see a smile disappearing from James' lips. Even Sirius had to admit that Lily was likely only still telling James no out of habit more than anything else by this point. It'd become a game between the two of them but Sirius was having a really hard time being happy for James when things were still such a mess with Remus.
"I don't like this," he said more sharply than he meant, just for the short lived pleasure of watching James frown and bite at his lip. "He'll be alone."
"Peter'll be there."
"It's not the same." Sirius sat on the floor and leaned heavily against the row of shelves, making the phials above him clink delicately. He tipped his head back and blew his hair from his eyes before he looked back at the mirror. "He can't stop the wolf from tearing Remus up."
"He'll be there before and we'll be there after. Moony'll be fine."
The mirror suddenly went dark and Sirius hoped it meant that Slughorn had finally come to release James from detention. From the window set high into the stone wall, Sirius could see that it was already well past midnight and the moon had already been up for a couple of hours. The wolf would be prowling about the Shrieking Shack. It would be too late to join him--too late to help him.
Sirius' anger well up hard in his chest. He was mad at himself for everything that had happened since the holidays, for how stupid he'd been. Remus said there was nothing to forgive but he wouldn't let things return to how they'd been--to how Sirius wanted them to be. That they might never wasn't something Sirius was ready to consider.
It was another quarter hour before Professor Slughorn made his way back down to the dungeon, James in tow, and another quarter hour after that before he let them go with a lecture still ringing in their ears. Sirius followed James back up to the Gryffindor common room, quiet until Sirius tugged on James' sleeve just as they got to their room. James stopped, sighed, and rested his forehead against the door as if preparing himself for a fight he knew he was going to lose.
"I want to go down to the Shack," Sirius said.
James turned and regarded Sirius with narrowed eyes, and the thought that James had a secret came to him suddenly. He watched as James took off his glasses and slowly cleaned the lenses with the tail of his shirt, buying time.
"We should wait until the moon sets. Without Peter, it'll be too dangerous to get past the Whomping Willow."
"You did it before."
"I knew you were there with Moony and that I'd have a few seconds while you held him back. This is different."
"We can use the cloak," Sirius said. "You can prod the knot and I'll go through first as Padfoot. I want to be there."
"Sirius--"
"Please James. I need to be there."
James didn't answer him, only just stared at him blearily for a moment before he nodded and put his glasses back on.
***
Peter didn't like being on his own and counted himself lucky that it rarely happened. He wished it hadn't happened that night--a full moon night. While James and Sirius were in detention, Peter had stayed in the common room for hours, playing gobstones with some of the younger Gryffindors until they'd gone to bed. Without the other marauders, he'd felt awkward with only just the sixth year girls and some of the seventh years who were friends of James and Sirius but not of Peter's. They hadn't wanted him, he knew, and after a while had decided to go to bed, too.
Once he was alone in his room, however, he couldn't sleep, not without the sounds of the other boys. He even missed the weird too quiet void of Remus' silencing spells, which Remus used more often than not lately. Peter always wondered if Remus was crying himself to sleep when he did that, like he used to do in fifth year after his dad had died and he didn't want anyone to know. Peter couldn't work out what Remus had to cry about, if that's what he was doing, though James had told Peter not to talk about it anymore the one time Peter had made a joke about Remus wanking every night.
Of course, Peter wasn't allowed to joke about anything Remus did anymore--not the way he didn't like his food to touch on his plate, or the way he brushed his teeth for precisely three and a half minutes, or how he had a hole the size of a galleon in the shoulder of his favorite jumper. Peter was especially not allowed to tease Remus about that. It made Sirius angry. Of course, everything made Sirius mad. Peter literally trembled at the thought of what Sirius was going to say when they came back from detention and found him still in the room. It won't matter that Remus had told him not to go and for good reason, Peter thought, what with Grayback likely still out there. One werewolf was bad enough, no matter if that werewolf did let Peter copy his charms essay last week after Peter had forgotten to do his own.
Peter's stomach twisted in fear when the doorknob rattled and James and Sirius tumbled into the room. James saw him first, his eyes going wide behind his glasses, and he stopped before he'd taken more than a step into the room, blocking Sirius.
"What are you still doing here?" James asked.
Sirius pushed past him but stopped the moment James spoke. "You didn't go with him?"
"He told me to stay behind."
"And you listened?"
"I had too!" Peter hated the way his voice squeaked and broke, and hated even more the way he scurried until his back pressed against his headboard when Sirius raised his voice. James decided on punishments, Peter knew, and meted them out when they were warranted, mostly protecting Peter from the worst of Sirius' temper, but James wasn't paying attention to either of them as he dropped to dig through his chest.
"He's taken the map and my cloak."
"I told you he got us detention on purpose," Sirius spat out as he pushed his hands through his hair. He shot one more disgusted look in Peter's direction before he turned back to James, effectively excluding Peter. Peter bristled but said nothing. He was used to it.
"We'll just have to be careful," Sirius said. "If we take the passage behind--"
"You can't go out there." Peter crawled down from his bed, feeling stupid in his pajama bottoms that were slightly too short and tight now since his mum gave them to him last summer. He tugged at his t shirt, side stepping around Sirius so that he could talk to James. James would understand. "You know it's not safe."
"Peter's right, Sirius. It's too dangerous." James let the lid to his trunk snap shut and sat on it. He rubbed his hands over his face, knocking his glasses up and straightened them before he looked back at Sirius. "We'll have to wait until the moon sets."
"I'm not waiting."
Sirius was nearly to the door before James caught him, and Peter eased back to stand at the foot of his bed to watch them. "He'll be all right."
"I promised him."
"You've broken your promise to him before."
"Fuck off, James." Sirius shook off James' restraining hand and headed toward the door again.
Peter took a step forward, the flagstones cold on his bare feet, and looked hard at James, to see what he would do. James ran his hand over his messy hair again, making it stick up worse in the back as he cursed under his breath. Peter knew that James would follow if Sirius left, and Peter couldn't let that happen. "You can't go, Sirius. It's not just about Remus."
"Shut it, Peter," James warned. He had already grabbed both their thick cloaks from the hook near the door and shoved Sirius' into his hands.
"No, let him talk. What do you mean, Wormtail?"
"When we were in Hogsmeade--"
"Don't Peter!"
"No, James. He'll go out there if we don't tell him, and I can't let you go with him. You'll end up dead or worse. You'll end up like Remus. He didn't want you to go. He didn't want any of us to go."
"Why? What happened in Hogsmeade?"
"Regulus was meeting with Fenrir Grayback. He's a death eater, your brother. I mean I think he is. I think I saw the dark mark on his arm."
"He can't have," Sirius said, but quietly, flickering his eyes to James as if for comfirmation. Peter knew that Sirius had heard the rumors about his brother, about the Slytherins and the things they were involved in. He knew that Sirius had been approached as well, that it was one of the reasons he had left his family.
"I owled my brother and he told me what it meant. That day in Hogsmeade, the last time we went. You couldn't go because you're still in trouble and James made me follow Remus. Remus had gone through the woods and I followed him and when we got to the Hog's Head Inn we saw your brother with Grayback."
"You never told me," Sirius said but he was looking at James--talking to James. "Tell me what happened."
James put his hands on his hips and looked down at his feet but said nothing so Peter continued on. "I didn't see everything that happened because Remus told me to go back and get--" Peter paused, looking from Sirius to James. "He told me to get help. When we came back, me and James, Remus was fighting with Grayback. I mean talking to him, right, but they'd been fighting because Remus had a busted lip. Lily fixed it later."
"And you didn't think to tell me about this, James."
"He asked us not to tell anyone," James said. "He didn't want you to know."
"I can't believe you didn't tell me!" Sirius exploded and he pushed James with both hands against James' shoulder, making him stumble back a couple of steps but James didn't come back at him.
"I promised him, Sirius," James said, finally looking at Sirius before he spared a glance toward Peter. "We both did."
"What do you think he's doing out there? Why do you think he got us into trouble? You don't have any idea how much he hates Grayback. How he blames him for his father's death and for everything that's happened in his life. Of course he didn't want me there. He knew I'd stop him. He's not himself. You should have told me, James."
Sirius was pacing the room, his hands clenched into fists as he yelled at James. James only just stood there and took it, his mouth drawn into a resolute line. Peter knew that James would have never told Remus' secret, not even to Sirius, and that he would have gone with Sirius tonight to try to protect him. Peter thought that maybe just this once he was in the right. If Remus wanted to risk his own life that was one thing and Peter wouldn't stop him, but this was different. It didn't stop Peter from staggering back when Sirius suddenly turned on him, pointing his finger at Peter's chest as Sirius charged toward him.
"You should have stopped him," Sirius bit out. James grabbed Sirius' arm before he could get too close and scuffled with him until Sirius pulled away. "You should have gone with him. He wouldn't have taken a chance if you'd been there like you were supposed to be."
"He told me not to come," Peter whinged, clasping his hands in front of him and wringing them together.
"It's too late to help him now, Sirius," James said. He placed his hand on Sirius' shoulder and tugged him back a bit, away from Peter. "Without the cloak or the map, anything could happen. We should wait."
Sirius shook his head, and shook off James' hand. He pushed past them both, leaving their room and James followed. For a minutes Peter debated about whether or not he should follow before he stuffed on his jeans and ran after James, unwilling to be left behind. His hands shook and his legs felt like jelly but he was sure that James wouldn't let anything happen. He had to believe that.
***
The moon was beginning its descent by the time they'd found Moony nearer Hogwarts grounds than they'd expected. The dog and the stag guided the wolf back, nosing him along through the underbrush and not allowing him to turn back to go deeper into the forest, back toward where they could hear other wolves howling in the distance. The wolf was limping, a gash in his hind leg and along his withers making it difficult to walk, and Padfoot whimpered, sidling alongside the wolf every so often to lick and nuzzle at his ruff. The wolf snapped and growled but didn't attack, let himself be led through the passage in the tree and toward the Shrieking Shack. There they waited until the moon set fully and the wolf began the tortuous transformation back into Remus.
Padfoot watched, mindful of how dangerous Remus could be even when he looked like a boy rather than his wolf form. He had to wait until he could see Remus in his eyes, to know that it was him, that Remus knew who he was. The transformation was difficult, though, and took longer than it should have, and when it was finished and Sirius was himself as well, he could see that the damage to Remus was extensive. Sirius swallowed back his anger and fear, and hunched over Remus, trying to stem the worst of the bleeding.
"We have to get help," Sirius called out the moment he heard James and Peter running up behind him.
"We can't," Peter whispered and Sirius turned to see that Peter was clinging to James' arm, his eyes wild with fear. "They'll know what we've done."
"I don't care!" Sirius roared. "He'll die if he doesn't get help."
"Peter's right." James knelt in the dirt next to Sirius. "It's not just us. We have to protect Remus. The Ministry would take him if they found out."
"At least he'd be alive."
"There's no guarantee of that. Let's just get him upstairs, Sirius. Peter'll go back to the castle and make sure Pomfrey is awake." James looked over his shoulder and nodded at Peter, who took off at a run. "She'll come Sirius."
"We have to help him now."
"C'mon. Upstairs. She can't find him here."
James helped Sirius carry Remus up the stairs and settle him on the dusty wooden planks that made up the floor of the Shrieking Shack. Sirius smoothed his hand over Remus hair and then pressed his palm against the wound on Remus' neck. He barely registered the words of James' healing spell, only just noting that the bleeding didn't stop and that Remus looked gray and pale beneath the slashes that marred his face.
"It's not working," James whispered, still pointing his wand at Remus' chest.
"They're magical wounds. He needs help. You have to help him, James."
"I'm trying, Sirius."
"She's not coming."
"She'll be here."
"Not in time." Sirius heard his voice catch and he rocked back onto his heels, rubbing his hands on his thighs. He listened as Remus' breath rattled in his chest, each a struggle, and he leaned forward again to cup Remus' head between his hands, to press his lips against Remus' forehead. "He's dying, Jamie."
"No! We're not letting him die!"
James pushed Sirius out of his way and tried the healing spell again. Neither of them had paid close enough attention on the rare occasions when healing magic was taught. They could treat scratches and bruises but nothing like this. Sirius climbed unsteadily to his feet and again rubbed his sticky and wet hands on his jeans, watching carefully as James tried again and again to help Remus. At the edges of his mind, he just barely remembered a spell he had once read. Something that would maybe give them some time until Madame Pomfrey could come. He knew he had to try.
Sirius drew out his wand with shaky fingers and drew a pentacle in the dust. He pushed James aside and gingerly picked Remus up, laying him in the middle. James stood, reaching for Sirius but Sirius brushed away his hand. He had to do this before it was too late.
Sirius yanked his shirt over his head and straddled Remus' chest, all the while remembering back to that summer when he was fourteen. All those long, lonely days, his parents had left him to entertain himself, his father at his club and his mother gone to visit relatives with Regulus. It had been hot in Grimmauld Place, the cooling charms long worn off once the sun was at its zenith. Sirius had cracked a window in the library and sprawled on the floor beneath, making do with the dust motes playing in the sun and his own fantasies. He had one book of his own that Remus had loaned him before they'd left for the year--a set of short stories written by an American author. He didn't dare take it out of his room. He read it late at night with the light from his wand. He had wanted it then but if his mother should find it... He began reading his father's books instead, morbidly attracted to the dark magic and even darker thought and intention behind it all.
Sirius had never told James or Remus about the things he'd read, and didn't stop now to explain what he did as he clutched his wand in one hand and his knife in the other. He squeezed his eyes shut as he struggled to remember all of the words of the spell. A few minutes later he was chanting in Latin before he nicked the palms of both his hands and made a small "X" over his heart.
"What are you doing?" James breathed out but he didn't come any closer.
Sirius ignored him, and didn't stop his chant. He dropped his wand and took up first one of Remus' hands and then the other, nicking them both, before he carved a small "X" with the knife over Remus' heart, the spell nearly complete. The room diminished for Sirius, his vision narrowing to only Remus before him as he continued to chant. He gently tipped Remus' head back, a deep rattling coming from his lungs, and Sirius faltered for just a second before he used his knife to slice open his palm and then dropped it onto the floor. He didn't feel the pain--he didn't feel anything, could only hear Remus and know that death was so close. He made a fist and touched his wand to the back of his hand before dropping it, too. He used his free hand to caress Remus' cheek, to open Remus' mouth, before he squeezed his shaking hand and let the first drop of his blood hang against his skin, shimmering silver before dropping against Remus' cheek, missing his mouth. Sirius gasped and leaned closer still, holding his hand nearly to Remus' lips this time, squeezing out another drop that fell into Remus' mouth. Remus glowed faintly before fading and Sirius forced another drop from his hand, feeling diminished somehow--weakened, faded--as Remus glowed again with the strange silver light.
At the third drop, James pulled Sirius away--to his feet and out of the pentacle, breaking the spell. Sirius teetered in the circle of James' arms and they both watched Remus as he seemed to breathe easier, the bleeding slowed. Beneath them, they could hear footsteps approaching the trap door leading to the shack. James moved quickly, using his wand to erase the pentacle and their footsteps, grabbing Sirius' wand and knife before he gathered up Sirius, and hid them in a cupboard.
Madame Pomfrey rushed into the room, immediately kneeling over Remus and setting to work. James kept his arms around Sirius, holding him up and steady until the nurse maneuvered Remus out on a conjured stretcher. When they were finally alone, James let Sirius sink to the floor and he pushed open the door and stumbled out. Sirius crawled on his hands and knees to where Remus had lain, where his blood still stained the floor.
"What did you do, Sirius?" James asked when he came back into the room, clutching his cloak and the map.
"I saved his life."
"But what did you do?"
"It was a kind of resurrection spell. I gave him two years off the balance of my life. I thought it was rubbish when I read it. I thought there would be no way it could work but I remembered it." Sirius looked up at James and gave him a bleak smile. "I thought it sounded like poetry, so I memorized it."
"That was dark magic, Sirius." James took off his glasses and wiped the lenses with a fistful of his cloak before he knelt next to Sirius. "You could have died. You both could have died."
"We didn't."
"Two years, Sirius."
"Three. I think the first still counts though I wasted it."
"You couldn't have known when--"
"But I know he's alive. I know he'll be alive for at least the next two years. That's all that matters."
"It isn't, Sirius. You've no idea what you've done. What if something had gone wrong?"
"Tell me you wouldn't have done the same for me, Jamie." Sirius clutched at James' robes, trying to make him understand. "Tell me you wouldn't have done that for Remus if you'd known how."
next.
Title: These Four Kings (Year Six 9/9)
Author: Dani (
escribo)Word count: 4000~
Rating: PG-13 (language, violence)
(Pairings: in the future will be Remus/Sirius, Lily/James)
Timeline: June 1977
Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No copyright infringement is intended. I've not made nor seek any profit.
Year 1: one/ two/ three/ four/ five/ six/ seven
Year 2: one/ two/ three/ four
Year 3: one/ two/three/four
Year 4 (coming in the future when work quits eating my brains! Sorry for the out-of-order-ness)
Year 5 one/ two/ three/ four/ five/ six/ seven/ eight
Year 6 one/ two/ three/ four/ five/ six/ seven/ eight
Sirius had been in the tiny storeroom behind the Potion classroom for an age, scrubbing cauldrons and glass phials--a favorite detention of Slughorn's, or at least Sirius assumed so since it wasn't even the first time that month that Sirius had had to do it. It was different when Sirius at least felt as though he'd done something to earn his punishment. He certainly hadn't replaced an acorn for the marionberry seed in Snape's cauldron earlier that day during class. James had long ago persuaded Sirius that the better part of valor was to pretend Snape didn't even exist since the thing that had happened happened. Besides, how was it that the supposed Potions genius couldn't tell the difference between a seed and an acorn? Of course, that hadn't stopped Slughorn from demanding that Sirius and James turn out their pockets and found three more acorns between them. They'd both received detention for that night--a full moon night--and for the next two nights beyond.
Sirius lined up another set of phials onto a drying rack and set them back onto their shelf before he dug out the mirror from his pocket again, calling to James.
"He's done this on purpose," Sirius hissed as soon as James appeared. James looked only slightly less annoyed than Sirius felt; of course, James got to be up in the library doing research for Slughorn rather than being trapped in the dungeon for hours on end. Sirius' mood plummeted even further.
"Sluggie always makes you clean," James whispered back.
"I'm not talking about him. I'm talking about Remus." Sirius had had plenty of time to think about it. Remus was the most likely candidate for a prank that depended upon its perpetrator having obscure botanical knowledge and access to James and Sirius. If the switch had been clever enough that Snape hadn't recognized a change to his ingredients, then Sirius was positive it had to have been Remus. Peter would have never managed and who else would have bothered? "He set us up."
"He wouldn't have."
"He would. He did."
"C'mon Sirius. Why would he do that?"
"Why do you think?" Sirius scowled and looked away from the mirror. Ever since he had confessed to James what he felt for Remus, James had treated him to a round of pitying looks (though James swore he hadn't) and whispered encouragement for Sirius to tell Remus everything. "He didn't want us with him tonight. He's still mad at me."
"He says he's not."
"I know what he says," Sirius whispered, fighting to keep his voice even. "But he doesn't talk to me, not like he used to."
"He's not talking to any of us really. I think he just needs to work through this on his own. He'll be all right."
"Don't you dare tell me to be patient, not after the number of times you've asked Evans out this week alone."
"I wouldn't dream of it."
Sirius could hear the tease in James voice and looked back into the mirror in time to see a smile disappearing from James' lips. Even Sirius had to admit that Lily was likely only still telling James no out of habit more than anything else by this point. It'd become a game between the two of them but Sirius was having a really hard time being happy for James when things were still such a mess with Remus.
"I don't like this," he said more sharply than he meant, just for the short lived pleasure of watching James frown and bite at his lip. "He'll be alone."
"Peter'll be there."
"It's not the same." Sirius sat on the floor and leaned heavily against the row of shelves, making the phials above him clink delicately. He tipped his head back and blew his hair from his eyes before he looked back at the mirror. "He can't stop the wolf from tearing Remus up."
"He'll be there before and we'll be there after. Moony'll be fine."
The mirror suddenly went dark and Sirius hoped it meant that Slughorn had finally come to release James from detention. From the window set high into the stone wall, Sirius could see that it was already well past midnight and the moon had already been up for a couple of hours. The wolf would be prowling about the Shrieking Shack. It would be too late to join him--too late to help him.
Sirius' anger well up hard in his chest. He was mad at himself for everything that had happened since the holidays, for how stupid he'd been. Remus said there was nothing to forgive but he wouldn't let things return to how they'd been--to how Sirius wanted them to be. That they might never wasn't something Sirius was ready to consider.
It was another quarter hour before Professor Slughorn made his way back down to the dungeon, James in tow, and another quarter hour after that before he let them go with a lecture still ringing in their ears. Sirius followed James back up to the Gryffindor common room, quiet until Sirius tugged on James' sleeve just as they got to their room. James stopped, sighed, and rested his forehead against the door as if preparing himself for a fight he knew he was going to lose.
"I want to go down to the Shack," Sirius said.
James turned and regarded Sirius with narrowed eyes, and the thought that James had a secret came to him suddenly. He watched as James took off his glasses and slowly cleaned the lenses with the tail of his shirt, buying time.
"We should wait until the moon sets. Without Peter, it'll be too dangerous to get past the Whomping Willow."
"You did it before."
"I knew you were there with Moony and that I'd have a few seconds while you held him back. This is different."
"We can use the cloak," Sirius said. "You can prod the knot and I'll go through first as Padfoot. I want to be there."
"Sirius--"
"Please James. I need to be there."
James didn't answer him, only just stared at him blearily for a moment before he nodded and put his glasses back on.
Peter didn't like being on his own and counted himself lucky that it rarely happened. He wished it hadn't happened that night--a full moon night. While James and Sirius were in detention, Peter had stayed in the common room for hours, playing gobstones with some of the younger Gryffindors until they'd gone to bed. Without the other marauders, he'd felt awkward with only just the sixth year girls and some of the seventh years who were friends of James and Sirius but not of Peter's. They hadn't wanted him, he knew, and after a while had decided to go to bed, too.
Once he was alone in his room, however, he couldn't sleep, not without the sounds of the other boys. He even missed the weird too quiet void of Remus' silencing spells, which Remus used more often than not lately. Peter always wondered if Remus was crying himself to sleep when he did that, like he used to do in fifth year after his dad had died and he didn't want anyone to know. Peter couldn't work out what Remus had to cry about, if that's what he was doing, though James had told Peter not to talk about it anymore the one time Peter had made a joke about Remus wanking every night.
Of course, Peter wasn't allowed to joke about anything Remus did anymore--not the way he didn't like his food to touch on his plate, or the way he brushed his teeth for precisely three and a half minutes, or how he had a hole the size of a galleon in the shoulder of his favorite jumper. Peter was especially not allowed to tease Remus about that. It made Sirius angry. Of course, everything made Sirius mad. Peter literally trembled at the thought of what Sirius was going to say when they came back from detention and found him still in the room. It won't matter that Remus had told him not to go and for good reason, Peter thought, what with Grayback likely still out there. One werewolf was bad enough, no matter if that werewolf did let Peter copy his charms essay last week after Peter had forgotten to do his own.
Peter's stomach twisted in fear when the doorknob rattled and James and Sirius tumbled into the room. James saw him first, his eyes going wide behind his glasses, and he stopped before he'd taken more than a step into the room, blocking Sirius.
"What are you still doing here?" James asked.
Sirius pushed past him but stopped the moment James spoke. "You didn't go with him?"
"He told me to stay behind."
"And you listened?"
"I had too!" Peter hated the way his voice squeaked and broke, and hated even more the way he scurried until his back pressed against his headboard when Sirius raised his voice. James decided on punishments, Peter knew, and meted them out when they were warranted, mostly protecting Peter from the worst of Sirius' temper, but James wasn't paying attention to either of them as he dropped to dig through his chest.
"He's taken the map and my cloak."
"I told you he got us detention on purpose," Sirius spat out as he pushed his hands through his hair. He shot one more disgusted look in Peter's direction before he turned back to James, effectively excluding Peter. Peter bristled but said nothing. He was used to it.
"We'll just have to be careful," Sirius said. "If we take the passage behind--"
"You can't go out there." Peter crawled down from his bed, feeling stupid in his pajama bottoms that were slightly too short and tight now since his mum gave them to him last summer. He tugged at his t shirt, side stepping around Sirius so that he could talk to James. James would understand. "You know it's not safe."
"Peter's right, Sirius. It's too dangerous." James let the lid to his trunk snap shut and sat on it. He rubbed his hands over his face, knocking his glasses up and straightened them before he looked back at Sirius. "We'll have to wait until the moon sets."
"I'm not waiting."
Sirius was nearly to the door before James caught him, and Peter eased back to stand at the foot of his bed to watch them. "He'll be all right."
"I promised him."
"You've broken your promise to him before."
"Fuck off, James." Sirius shook off James' restraining hand and headed toward the door again.
Peter took a step forward, the flagstones cold on his bare feet, and looked hard at James, to see what he would do. James ran his hand over his messy hair again, making it stick up worse in the back as he cursed under his breath. Peter knew that James would follow if Sirius left, and Peter couldn't let that happen. "You can't go, Sirius. It's not just about Remus."
"Shut it, Peter," James warned. He had already grabbed both their thick cloaks from the hook near the door and shoved Sirius' into his hands.
"No, let him talk. What do you mean, Wormtail?"
"When we were in Hogsmeade--"
"Don't Peter!"
"No, James. He'll go out there if we don't tell him, and I can't let you go with him. You'll end up dead or worse. You'll end up like Remus. He didn't want you to go. He didn't want any of us to go."
"Why? What happened in Hogsmeade?"
"Regulus was meeting with Fenrir Grayback. He's a death eater, your brother. I mean I think he is. I think I saw the dark mark on his arm."
"He can't have," Sirius said, but quietly, flickering his eyes to James as if for comfirmation. Peter knew that Sirius had heard the rumors about his brother, about the Slytherins and the things they were involved in. He knew that Sirius had been approached as well, that it was one of the reasons he had left his family.
"I owled my brother and he told me what it meant. That day in Hogsmeade, the last time we went. You couldn't go because you're still in trouble and James made me follow Remus. Remus had gone through the woods and I followed him and when we got to the Hog's Head Inn we saw your brother with Grayback."
"You never told me," Sirius said but he was looking at James--talking to James. "Tell me what happened."
James put his hands on his hips and looked down at his feet but said nothing so Peter continued on. "I didn't see everything that happened because Remus told me to go back and get--" Peter paused, looking from Sirius to James. "He told me to get help. When we came back, me and James, Remus was fighting with Grayback. I mean talking to him, right, but they'd been fighting because Remus had a busted lip. Lily fixed it later."
"And you didn't think to tell me about this, James."
"He asked us not to tell anyone," James said. "He didn't want you to know."
"I can't believe you didn't tell me!" Sirius exploded and he pushed James with both hands against James' shoulder, making him stumble back a couple of steps but James didn't come back at him.
"I promised him, Sirius," James said, finally looking at Sirius before he spared a glance toward Peter. "We both did."
"What do you think he's doing out there? Why do you think he got us into trouble? You don't have any idea how much he hates Grayback. How he blames him for his father's death and for everything that's happened in his life. Of course he didn't want me there. He knew I'd stop him. He's not himself. You should have told me, James."
Sirius was pacing the room, his hands clenched into fists as he yelled at James. James only just stood there and took it, his mouth drawn into a resolute line. Peter knew that James would have never told Remus' secret, not even to Sirius, and that he would have gone with Sirius tonight to try to protect him. Peter thought that maybe just this once he was in the right. If Remus wanted to risk his own life that was one thing and Peter wouldn't stop him, but this was different. It didn't stop Peter from staggering back when Sirius suddenly turned on him, pointing his finger at Peter's chest as Sirius charged toward him.
"You should have stopped him," Sirius bit out. James grabbed Sirius' arm before he could get too close and scuffled with him until Sirius pulled away. "You should have gone with him. He wouldn't have taken a chance if you'd been there like you were supposed to be."
"He told me not to come," Peter whinged, clasping his hands in front of him and wringing them together.
"It's too late to help him now, Sirius," James said. He placed his hand on Sirius' shoulder and tugged him back a bit, away from Peter. "Without the cloak or the map, anything could happen. We should wait."
Sirius shook his head, and shook off James' hand. He pushed past them both, leaving their room and James followed. For a minutes Peter debated about whether or not he should follow before he stuffed on his jeans and ran after James, unwilling to be left behind. His hands shook and his legs felt like jelly but he was sure that James wouldn't let anything happen. He had to believe that.
The moon was beginning its descent by the time they'd found Moony nearer Hogwarts grounds than they'd expected. The dog and the stag guided the wolf back, nosing him along through the underbrush and not allowing him to turn back to go deeper into the forest, back toward where they could hear other wolves howling in the distance. The wolf was limping, a gash in his hind leg and along his withers making it difficult to walk, and Padfoot whimpered, sidling alongside the wolf every so often to lick and nuzzle at his ruff. The wolf snapped and growled but didn't attack, let himself be led through the passage in the tree and toward the Shrieking Shack. There they waited until the moon set fully and the wolf began the tortuous transformation back into Remus.
Padfoot watched, mindful of how dangerous Remus could be even when he looked like a boy rather than his wolf form. He had to wait until he could see Remus in his eyes, to know that it was him, that Remus knew who he was. The transformation was difficult, though, and took longer than it should have, and when it was finished and Sirius was himself as well, he could see that the damage to Remus was extensive. Sirius swallowed back his anger and fear, and hunched over Remus, trying to stem the worst of the bleeding.
"We have to get help," Sirius called out the moment he heard James and Peter running up behind him.
"We can't," Peter whispered and Sirius turned to see that Peter was clinging to James' arm, his eyes wild with fear. "They'll know what we've done."
"I don't care!" Sirius roared. "He'll die if he doesn't get help."
"Peter's right." James knelt in the dirt next to Sirius. "It's not just us. We have to protect Remus. The Ministry would take him if they found out."
"At least he'd be alive."
"There's no guarantee of that. Let's just get him upstairs, Sirius. Peter'll go back to the castle and make sure Pomfrey is awake." James looked over his shoulder and nodded at Peter, who took off at a run. "She'll come Sirius."
"We have to help him now."
"C'mon. Upstairs. She can't find him here."
James helped Sirius carry Remus up the stairs and settle him on the dusty wooden planks that made up the floor of the Shrieking Shack. Sirius smoothed his hand over Remus hair and then pressed his palm against the wound on Remus' neck. He barely registered the words of James' healing spell, only just noting that the bleeding didn't stop and that Remus looked gray and pale beneath the slashes that marred his face.
"It's not working," James whispered, still pointing his wand at Remus' chest.
"They're magical wounds. He needs help. You have to help him, James."
"I'm trying, Sirius."
"She's not coming."
"She'll be here."
"Not in time." Sirius heard his voice catch and he rocked back onto his heels, rubbing his hands on his thighs. He listened as Remus' breath rattled in his chest, each a struggle, and he leaned forward again to cup Remus' head between his hands, to press his lips against Remus' forehead. "He's dying, Jamie."
"No! We're not letting him die!"
James pushed Sirius out of his way and tried the healing spell again. Neither of them had paid close enough attention on the rare occasions when healing magic was taught. They could treat scratches and bruises but nothing like this. Sirius climbed unsteadily to his feet and again rubbed his sticky and wet hands on his jeans, watching carefully as James tried again and again to help Remus. At the edges of his mind, he just barely remembered a spell he had once read. Something that would maybe give them some time until Madame Pomfrey could come. He knew he had to try.
Sirius drew out his wand with shaky fingers and drew a pentacle in the dust. He pushed James aside and gingerly picked Remus up, laying him in the middle. James stood, reaching for Sirius but Sirius brushed away his hand. He had to do this before it was too late.
Sirius yanked his shirt over his head and straddled Remus' chest, all the while remembering back to that summer when he was fourteen. All those long, lonely days, his parents had left him to entertain himself, his father at his club and his mother gone to visit relatives with Regulus. It had been hot in Grimmauld Place, the cooling charms long worn off once the sun was at its zenith. Sirius had cracked a window in the library and sprawled on the floor beneath, making do with the dust motes playing in the sun and his own fantasies. He had one book of his own that Remus had loaned him before they'd left for the year--a set of short stories written by an American author. He didn't dare take it out of his room. He read it late at night with the light from his wand. He had wanted it then but if his mother should find it... He began reading his father's books instead, morbidly attracted to the dark magic and even darker thought and intention behind it all.
Sirius had never told James or Remus about the things he'd read, and didn't stop now to explain what he did as he clutched his wand in one hand and his knife in the other. He squeezed his eyes shut as he struggled to remember all of the words of the spell. A few minutes later he was chanting in Latin before he nicked the palms of both his hands and made a small "X" over his heart.
"What are you doing?" James breathed out but he didn't come any closer.
Sirius ignored him, and didn't stop his chant. He dropped his wand and took up first one of Remus' hands and then the other, nicking them both, before he carved a small "X" with the knife over Remus' heart, the spell nearly complete. The room diminished for Sirius, his vision narrowing to only Remus before him as he continued to chant. He gently tipped Remus' head back, a deep rattling coming from his lungs, and Sirius faltered for just a second before he used his knife to slice open his palm and then dropped it onto the floor. He didn't feel the pain--he didn't feel anything, could only hear Remus and know that death was so close. He made a fist and touched his wand to the back of his hand before dropping it, too. He used his free hand to caress Remus' cheek, to open Remus' mouth, before he squeezed his shaking hand and let the first drop of his blood hang against his skin, shimmering silver before dropping against Remus' cheek, missing his mouth. Sirius gasped and leaned closer still, holding his hand nearly to Remus' lips this time, squeezing out another drop that fell into Remus' mouth. Remus glowed faintly before fading and Sirius forced another drop from his hand, feeling diminished somehow--weakened, faded--as Remus glowed again with the strange silver light.
At the third drop, James pulled Sirius away--to his feet and out of the pentacle, breaking the spell. Sirius teetered in the circle of James' arms and they both watched Remus as he seemed to breathe easier, the bleeding slowed. Beneath them, they could hear footsteps approaching the trap door leading to the shack. James moved quickly, using his wand to erase the pentacle and their footsteps, grabbing Sirius' wand and knife before he gathered up Sirius, and hid them in a cupboard.
Madame Pomfrey rushed into the room, immediately kneeling over Remus and setting to work. James kept his arms around Sirius, holding him up and steady until the nurse maneuvered Remus out on a conjured stretcher. When they were finally alone, James let Sirius sink to the floor and he pushed open the door and stumbled out. Sirius crawled on his hands and knees to where Remus had lain, where his blood still stained the floor.
"What did you do, Sirius?" James asked when he came back into the room, clutching his cloak and the map.
"I saved his life."
"But what did you do?"
"It was a kind of resurrection spell. I gave him two years off the balance of my life. I thought it was rubbish when I read it. I thought there would be no way it could work but I remembered it." Sirius looked up at James and gave him a bleak smile. "I thought it sounded like poetry, so I memorized it."
"That was dark magic, Sirius." James took off his glasses and wiped the lenses with a fistful of his cloak before he knelt next to Sirius. "You could have died. You both could have died."
"We didn't."
"Two years, Sirius."
"Three. I think the first still counts though I wasted it."
"You couldn't have known when--"
"But I know he's alive. I know he'll be alive for at least the next two years. That's all that matters."
"It isn't, Sirius. You've no idea what you've done. What if something had gone wrong?"
"Tell me you wouldn't have done the same for me, Jamie." Sirius clutched at James' robes, trying to make him understand. "Tell me you wouldn't have done that for Remus if you'd known how."