18 September 2012

[fox_confessor]

I keep writing posts and then deleting them when I get to the end, which doesn't bode well for this post, I guess.

...and I totally did it again. I apparently have all the feelings in the world and no good way to say them. Frustration and anger at self levels through the roof and good vibes in the gutter. It's so bad, I yoga'd angry tonight. I didn't even know it was possible. An hour and a half of me just being really mad about it while doing it. Not in a "this pose sucks" kind of way but really angry at myself for not being better, for not being as good as the person next to me who was apparently made out of rubber, with my teacher for not being...something. whatever. So mad. During yoga. At yoga. I was mad at yoga.

Anyway. Part of it was that my boss is an asshole and I'm in a rut, and there are things I'm disappointing myself about. and it all apparently leads to angry yoga. And I'm not writing, which is deeply frustrating, too. whatever.

And! to top it all off, I stripped my bed this morning and now I have to make it before I can lie in it and wallow. UGH! worst.

Comments

[eprime.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I can relate as I've been dealing with my own temper lately. Recently started meditating on my own at home, but it's a long road to inner peace. ^^

I laughed a little about the bed thing. That totally sucks. I hate making the beds here because the mattresses either way a thousand pounds or they're extremely hard to get to.

Anyway, hope you feel better soon. Are you writing for RS Games this year?

[juke-box-dive.livejournal.com]

rs_games is one of the things I'm frustratingly (not) writing right now. Why doesn't it write itself! I don't even have an idea, which is worse than having one that I'm not writing.

One of the things I wrote and then deleted in this post was about meditation yesterday. I was in a group and we were doing a "loving kindness" meditation, which was fine but then we got to the part where the leader said to envision someone for whom we'd have a harder time (perhaps ehe) sending loving kindness vibes to and I totally envisioned my boss. So today (as he was irritating the piss out of me), I kept thinking, "but I totally sent you vibes of love and peace and kindness yesterday!!" Of course, I realize that the point is to make me more compassionate toward someone I'm really not fond of but. HARD. I don't think I'll hit my goal of achieving zen by year's end. :D

[eprime.livejournal.com]

I have three things going, and I'm not into any of them right now. I hate always having to desperate produce something at the last minute. I have this wonderful fantasy of finishing it tonight.

Haha, I haven't gotten to the loving kindness vibes for assholes yet. I'm just trying to do that for me and my family and the people I like so far. ^^

I think I'd make a better Sith than Jedi. ^^

[juke-box-dive.livejournal.com]

I read this (http://www.yogajournal.com/wisdom/2607) yesterday (about meditation) and thought to share it with you.

[eprime.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I'll check it out.

[kiltsandlollies.livejournal.com]

This is why you need a lot of minions. Many many many. Yoga'ing angry is okay sometimes, all the feelings are okay sometimes, too, and you can't control the assholery of your boss, unfortunately. The writing will come, because it always does and always will, but whatever you can try to do now to put your mind at some ease is the thing to do, not to try to force anything. And now you've had your 90 minutes of angry (yoga and otherwise), so forgive yourself those disappointments, draw a line under the day and make your bed as if you were preparing slowly and gently for the deepest, best sleep of your life, then put on the comfiest jammies you've got and breathe deep and draw. that. line. ♥

[juke-box-dive.livejournal.com]

I know you're right. I hate being a ball of rage. It pisses me off, which is a whole vicious cycle of its own. I made my bed and cleaned the litter boxes and the kitchen and did a load of laundry and made a healthy lunch for tomorrow and planned a good breakfast, and I feel a bit better. And now I'm going to bed. Line drawn :D