Apr. 15th, 2008 07:28 am
Case of You, 2/7
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fox_confessorTitle: Case of You, Chapter 2
Author: Dani
Fandom: Lotrips
Pairing: Billy/Dom
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: A work of fiction; the recognizable people in the story belong to themselves and have never performed the actions portrayed here. I do not know the actors nor am I associated with them in any way. If you are underage, please do not read this story. I am not making any profit from these stories, nor do I mean any harm.
Notes: This story was originally posted in 2003 but was an unfinished work in progress. It is now a completed work. This was the note in 2004 and then my laptop died, taking with it the finished chapters. Then I thought, what a better tribute to Monaboyd Month than to finish a WIP that's languished for five years? Thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kiltsandlollies for the beta; all errors are, of course, my own.
Previously: one
Notes: Chapter 1
Six in the morning is not the best time of day, Billy decides, at which to question his sexuality. With glue drying on his feet and his porridge growing cold, Billy normally can’t manage more than grunts and smiles in answer to questions; today, he can’t even find it in himself to do either of those things. Not because he hadn't wanted to get out of his warm bed--though he hadn't--but because he can’t erase the memory of last night’s events from his mind. The headache hammering behind his temples isn’t making it any easier, either.
The kiss had started out gentle--just a birthday wish--but had grown in intensity. Hands that had at first rested on Dominic's waist had traveled--one along his spine, the other kneading his ass. Afterwards, when the kiss had finally--finally--ended, Dominic’s eyes had smoldered, the promise of more to come very clear. And his lips … deep red, swollen and moist--perfect. Tempting.
“Bill.”
And completely attached to Orlando’s it had seemed. Orlando has his own charms, which completely confuse Billy, because it’s already been hard enough coming to terms with what he feels when he looks at Dominic. Seeing Orlando and Dominic kiss--and whatever else his overactive imagination had readily supplied--had …
“Bill … Billy!”
His thoughts jerked back to the present, Billy forces his focus on Elijah standing near the CD player.
“You with us, dude?”
Dominic had noticed the faraway look on Billy’s face long before Elijah began trying to get Billy’s attention, but had chosen to leave him be. Standing on a box for hours at dawn is bothersome enough. Now he watches carefully, with something approaching concern, as Billy attempts to shake off whatever he’d been thinking about.
“’Course I am.” Looking around the small makeup trailer, Billy is dismayed to find everyone’s attention focused on him. He clears his throat and weakly adds, “Not enough coffee.”
The heat of a blush warms Billy’s cheeks even as he tries to chuckle along with everyone else in the make-up trailer. He gives a self-conscious glance in Dominic’s direction, trying not to focus on Dominic's lips now stretched wide in laughter. Trying not to remember that so many weeks ago, those same lips had kissed him--and had kissed Orlando only last night.
Elijah rolls his eyes and laughs. “Another late night with Melanie, more likely.”
Although Dominic laughs along with everyone else at Elijah’s comment, he still watches Billy with the same intensity. There isn’t much reason for him to question things anymore. Billy has more than proven his heterosexuality over the last few weeks, with something of a ferocity. Still, Dominic finds himself awaiting Billy’s reaction, as if he still needs that one last bit of proof--something to twist the knife just a bit more.
“Stay still, please,” the make-up person chides.
“Sorry.” Dominic is forced to turn away from Billy now, but can still see his image reflected in the mirror. The smile that had been there a moment ago is gone, replaced by a frown and furrowed forehead.
***
Billy watches Sean Astin’s face, hoping he has chosen the right person to go to with his troubles. The fact that Sean has calmly set his sandwich down, rather than dropping it, gives Billy a little comfort.
“Did you kiss him back?”
“No,” Billy responds quickly.
“What happened then? Did you hit him?” Sean asks, only joking a little.
“No,” Billy answers again, but more softly. “I yelled a little but--"
“But what? Are you two okay?” Sean frowns, looking frightfully worried.
“It’s fine, Sean. Really. It’s not … well, he apologized, said he wouldn’t do it again.”
“Then everything's okay?”
“Yeah.”
Sean nods as he begins eating again, balancing his plate on one knee, his book on the other. Billy picks up his water bottle, deliberating about whether or not to bring up the rest of his problem.
“So when did this happen?”
“Mmm?” Billy takes a few swallows and puts the bottle down. “About four weeks ago.”
“A month? Sean is frowning again.
“A month, aye.”
“Okay,” Sean says, drawing the word out and making it sound more like a question or an accusation.
Billy is silent for several minutes, watching as Sean goes back to his book. He turns to look over his shoulder, seeing Dominic and Elijah playing a game with a paper cup.
“Sean?”
“Yeah,” Sean answers, distracted.
“I didn’t mind when Dom kissed me. In fact, I think I liked it.”
Sean creases the corner of the page he’s reading and puts his book down by his side. At the sound of the book closing, Billy turns his head to look back at Sean, who is now looking across the field to where the next shot is being set up. Knowing that Sean is contemplating his words, Billy drops his eyes and nervously pulls at the grass between his Hobbit feet.
“Then why didn’t you kiss him back?” Sean finally asks.
“What would that make me?”
“Um … someone who likes to kiss. Like Dom, obviously.”
“You know what I mean.” Billy shakes his head, wanting to hear the words. Wanting someone else to say it.
“And so do you. Does it scare you to be attracted to a man?”
Billy changes his mind completely, wishing suddenly that he hadn't said anything at all. He crosses his arms over his chest, growing uncomfortable with where the conversation is headed. It’s one thing to think about it--fantasize about it--but to verbalize it might make it real, might make it--
“It happens, Billy,” Sean continues. “It doesn’t mean that you have to pursue a relationship. But I’d hate to think that this might become a problem between the two of you.”
“But what if I--" Billy thinks back to the night before, at Dominic’s birthday party. He thinks about the kiss that Dominic and Orlando had shared. “You were there last night, Sean. You saw Orli and Dom.”
“Seemed more like drunken behavior to me, and you know that Orlando's very affectionate. I doubt that it meant anything.” Sean’s voice begins to take on an air of exasperation. His eyes look past Billy. “Maybe you should be talking to Dom about this.”
Nodding and knowing that Sean is right, Billy turns around again, only to see Dominic looking right back at him.
“Dom?”
“Yeah, Elijah?”
“It’s your turn.”
“What?”
“The game. It’s your turn.”
“Right. Sorry.”
Elijah crosses the small distance between them, looking to see what has Dominic so distracted. Across the small field, Billy stands up, gathering his empty plate and bottle of water before throwing them all away and walking alone in the direction of his trailer. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out between the two of you.”
Dominic turns his head and offers Elijah a small smile, wrapping his arm around Elijah’s shoulder. “It’s all right. I guess it wasn’t meant to be.”
“You and Orlando seemed quite close last night.”
“Orli?” Dominic laughs, the image of him and Orlando together hilarious to him. “Just a birthday kiss, mate. You know, one to grow on and all.”
The thought of having a birthday kiss of his own makes Elijah’s cheeks burn as he laughs along. “Are you still going to try with Bill?”
“I think that’s a lost cause. Don’t want to hurt our friendship just because I have a crush.” Dominic gives a self-deprecating smile. “I love him and he knows it. It’s almost enough, you know?”
“Yeah.” Elijah sweeps his hobbit foot over the grass, focusing on the hair covering his toes. He doesn’t feel as if he knows at all. “So, you’re not interested in Orlando?”
“Why? Are you?” Elijah doesn’t answer him though his deepening blush gives answer enough. “He’s got a girlfriend, you know.”
“So does Billy.”
Dominic drops his arm and begins walking backwards, suddenly eager to resume their game.
***
“No. I’m just saying that Billy Corgan is genius and Moby is a complete wanker. His lyrics have none of the subtlety of Corgan’s. Moby’s nothing but mental masturbation put to music.”
Dominic reclines in the makeup chair, relaxing into his footbath and massage. He looks to the end of the trailer where Elijah stands, fully de-hobbited and enthusiastically explaining his point while waiting for Sean.
“I’m coming.” Sean walks over to the door, giving a wave towards Dominic before herding Elijah out the door. “Now, who’s Corgan with again?”
The few people left in the trailer laugh at Elijah’s dramatic sigh as the door shuts. Billy is the only one who doesn’t seem to catch it and Dominic turns to see him slumped to the side of his chair, his head resting on a folded arm. Once his feet have been toweled off, Dominic leans forward. “You sleeping, Bill?”
Billy doesn’t answer.
The trailer door opens and closes a few more times as the crew finishes their day, each calling out a farewell until only Billy and Dom remain.
Dom stands up and kneels next to Billy’s chair. His hand hovers over Billy’s head for a minute before resting lightly there. He strokes his hair softly, ruffling where the wig had flattened it. “Bill? C’mon. Let’s go home.” He watches Billy’s eyes flutter open.
Billy’s eyes slowly focus on Dominic’s face so close to his own. “Dom?”
Dominic smiles at him, his fingers still moving through Billy’s hair. “Maybe I should drive you home, Sleeping Beauty.”
Billy smiles back, feeling that now familiar flutter in his stomach he gets now whenever he’s near Dominic. He looks around the empty trailer. “Where is everyone?”
“Gone. They just finished with me.” A few more strands slip through Dominic’s fingers, before Billy sits up, moving out of reach. Dominic stands and stretches, twisting from side to side, sorry that the moment has to end so soon. He watches Billy scrub at his face, looking at him wistfully before grabbing his clothes. “I’m going to change, then I’ll take you home.”
Nodding his head sleepily, Billy stands and shucks Pippin’s trousers. As he pulls his jeans on over his boxers, he thinks about his talk with Sean earlier. About Dominic kissing him. About Orlando kissing Dominic. He takes the rest of the costume off and neatly hangs the outfit up on hangers so that he won’t be scolded by wardrobe in the morning. Picking up his shirt, he looks into the line of mirrors in front of him and sees Dominic watching. Dominic drops his eyes, embarrassed, and mumbles an apology.
“It’s all right.” Billy faces Dominic, hesitant and twisting his shirt in his hands. “I’ve wanted to talk to you. I wanted to ask you about--"
“Dom!” Orlando bursts into the trailer, the door banging loudly against the trailer wall. “C’mon, man! You’re not ready yet? Hey Bills.”
“Orlando.” Billy pulls his shirt over his head, cursing himself for being so reticent. He’s never been at such a loss for words around Dominic, not until the night of that kiss. Opening a drawer, Billy grabs his wallet and keys.
“Shit! I forgot that we’re going out.” Dominic can’t imagine Orlando having worse timing. He has an idea of what Billy’s words might have been leading towards, and if he’s right, he couldn't care less about going to get a beer. Even as the nagging internal voice tells him he’s deluding himself again, he can’t help but rock back on his feet, suddenly anxious again.
Orlando bounds up behind Dominic, wrapping his arms around Dominic’s shoulders. “Forgot?”
“You start knocking them back already, or what?” Dominic says, trying to extricate himself from the embrace. “I need to take Billy home.”
Billy watches them, his expression carefully arranged. “No, Dom. It’s all right. I can drive myself.” He holds up his keys as if to make his decision more final.
“No, I said I would.”
“Leave ‘im alone, you git, and let’s go.” Orlando plants a wet kiss on Dominic’s cheek, and then rubs his own against it.
“Stop it, Orli.” Dominic didn’t enjoy pushing Orlando away--the affection that his friend lavished on him is usually quite welcome and innocent enough, but the timing's just wrong. “Not now.” It’s supposed to be for Orlando’s ears only, but Dominic’s words come out a little louder than he meant.
It’s all Billy needs to hear. He’s almost thankful that Orlando'd interrupted when he had--before Billy could make a fool of himself. “I don’t want to ruin your evening. I can manage.” While sliding into his shoes, he adds, “Wide awake now. Promise.”
“You should come, Billy,” Orlando says, having already unwrapped himself from Dominic.
“No,” Billy answers shortly.
Orlando grins and flops down in one of the chairs. “Hot date with that gal, I bet. What’s her name? Melissa?”
“Melanie,” Dominic supplies, grabbing his wallet and feeling for his car keys. He’s determined to hear what Billy has to say before the night is through.
“Going out with Mel tonight, then? Bring her. We’ll double date.” Orlando winks at Dominic while using his foot to twist the chair from side to side, and Dominic's suddenly angrier with himself than anything. All the playful flirting he’s done with Orlando--he curses himself for it now.
“Thanks, but no thanks, Orli.” Billy had considered getting together with Melanie tonight, but had almost immediately decided that it had all been a mistake. It’s bad enough that he’s been dating her just to get his mind off Dominic--to remind himself and everyone else that he’s straight and decidedly so. Walking towards the door, he adds, “Staying in tonight, actually.”
“Sucks. Okay, Sblomie. Billy’s getting himself home, so let’s go.” Orlando launches himself out of the chair, draping himself over Dominic again.
“Wait, Billy.”
“Guess it’ll just be me and you.” Orlando tightens his grip, leaning down to kiss Dominic’s neck.
In the few seconds that it takes for Dominic to throw Orlando a glare, the trailer door opens then slams shut. “Fuck!” Dominic pulls away from Orlando, already running towards the door before he stops, realizing he’s still barefoot. “Fuck!”
“What?”
Dominic falls into the chair, quickly donning his socks and trainers and calculating how long it’ll take Billy to get to his car. “Orli, what the hell is wrong with you? I told you to stop.”
Seeming to finally take Dominic seriously, Orlando frowns. “What the hell is wrong with you? Just playing around like we always do, man. You’ve never freaked out like this before.” Orlando turns, looking at the door then back at Dominic. “You’ve a thing for Billy now?”
Dominic doesn’t respond. He can’t believe he’s having such a problem with something as simple as tying a shoelace.
“You do,” Orlando crowed. “You have a crush on Billy. Why didn’t you say something? I wouldn’t have kissed you in front of him. I wouldn’t have--"
Sighing, Dominic stands up. “It’s okay, Orli. He’s assured me he’s straight. It’s just that--"
“What? Are you going to try to convert him? It can’t be done, man.”
“It’s not like that.” Dominic stands, heading for the door. Opening the door, Dominic stops to look back at Orlando who is sprawled in the chair looking petulant. “Meet me in the car park in ten minutes. Stay here until then.”
***
While unlocking his car door, Billy hears Dominic calling his name. He’s resolved to just get into the car and drive away until he notices that Orlando isn’t jogging over to him along with Dominic.
“I told you I’d take you home,” Dominic says when he reaches the car.
“I’m fine. I thought maybe you’d be eager to be off.” Billy watches as Dominic catches his breath. He can’t understand it. Orlando was all over Dominic, yet Dominic runs clear across the lot and still wants to drive him home. He can’t help wonder just what other cast members Dominic has kissed.
“No, not really. You wanted to ask me something.” If Billy isn’t going to let himself be driven home, Dominic is at least going to get Billy to talk to him before he leaves.
The keys jingle as Billy puts his hands on his hips. He looks at the ground, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth, wording and rewording the question he wants to ask. After changing his mind a dozen times, he finally says, “You and Orlando seem very close.”
“I feel like I’ve had this conversation once today,” Dominic mumbles. “No more than any of us.”
“It didn’t look that way.”
“Orli’s just like that, you know?”
“I saw him kiss you last night.”
Dominic stares at Billy, wondering if he is really hearing jealousy in his friend’s voice, afraid he might be misreading the situation again. He shoves his hands deep into his trouser pockets, giving a soft kick to one of Billy’s tires. “Just a kiss.”
“Between guys who like to kiss.”
“Yeah.” Dominic has pretty much memorized the tread of the tire at this point. “And, well, it was my birthday, mate.” And I was pissed drunk, he adds silently.
“Right.” Billy’s attention is drawn to the motion of Dominic’s foot. He can’t recall any reason for guys to kiss and grope each other when they turned another year older. “Sounds like more.”
Dominic doesn’t know what to say. Yes, Orlando had kissed him. Yes, he had bloody well enjoyed that kiss. Yes, he would have rather been kissing Billy, but Billy is straight. Or so he thinks. Raising he head, Dominic decides to be blunt. “Can I ask why you care, Billy?”
Shocked, Billy looks up. “I … I don’t.”
“I think you do,” Dominic challenges, seeing how taken aback Billy is by his question. If he’s going to find out how Billy really feels, he has to find out quick—Orlando would be coming soon. Billy opens and shuts his mouth in a good impression of a fish, not sure how to continue. He had already convinced himself that he needs to honest with himself … and with Dominic. Dominic notices how Billy’s arms stiffly fall to his sides, how he backs up against the car. He leans sideways against the car next to Billy. “It’s okay. I’m not going to kiss you again.”
Billy crosses his arms in front of his chest, blushing furiously. He looks off into the distance, towards the sun beginning its descent. “I still don’t understand why you--"
“Because I wanted to. And because you seemed to want me to.” He remembers how Billy had looked that night, how sad Billy had seemed before Dominic had touched him. It felt right to have Billy in his arms. “I fucking hate that I did it, though. I hate that we have it between us still. It was weeks ago.”
“No. It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. I’m sorry.”
“Dom.” Billy turns to look up at Dominic, then down at his hands. He can't stand the way Dominic is looking at him. He also can’t stand how much he wants Dominic to kiss him again. Sure, he would probably have gotten angry--would have pushed him away again, but … he just wants to feel it again. Frustrated with himself, Billy plays with the edge of his shirt. “I've been thinking about it. A lot. I don’t understand why.”
“Billy, I didn’t mean to make you--"
“Let me finish.” Billy rubs his eyes, wishing he were still in his sleepy daze. “I’m not going to see Melanie anymore. I just don’t … It’s not fair to her.”
“What’s not?” Dominic is more certain than ever now, and Billy is most definitely blushing. He stays quiet, letting hope blossom again.
“When you kissed me … it wasn’t the first time I thought … it was the first time a man had kissed me, but not the first time I had thought about it. Thought about what it would be like.” Billy knows he’s rambling but there's no way around it. It’s not going to come out any clearer than this even if he had another few months to plan it. “I have nothing against it, for others, but for me …” Billy shakes his head. “Jesus, this is hard.”
Dominic feels overwhelmed with what he could say and do, but he keeps his face passive, calm. “Just … just take your time. I’m not going anywhere.” It takes everything in him not to just touch Billy’s hair again, to put his arms around him--to take Billy’s face in his hands and kiss him until they both run out of breath. He prays that Orlando waits just a little bit longer.
“The thing is, I can’t stop thinking about it. That it was you.” Billy’s only beginning to understand why it’s bothering him so much. If it had only been ‘just a kiss’ then it wouldn’t have mattered in the least. He wonders why he can’t be more like Orlando, and not take it all so seriously. His answer, of course, is that it’s because it’s Dominic who'd kissed him, and not just some crawling monkey of a castmate having a laugh. “I’m just afraid of what--"
“We can take it slow.” Dominic almost covers his mouth as he realizes what he’s said, but decides maybe it’s the best thing he could have said. At least Billy can know exactly what is on his mind.
Billy looks up at Dominic’s face, studying him. Dominic's reaction is a little perplexing, but then Billy's never very sure what to expect from him. “I don’t know when or if I’ll be ready for a … to …”
“I’ll wait.”
“What about Orlando?”
“I won’t kiss him anymore.”
“No, I mean--"
“He and I, we’re friends--close friends who sometimes do silly things, but they don’t mean anything. I’ll wait for you, Billy.” The thought of just how long he might have to wait is in the back of his mind, but it isn’t nagging enough for Dominic to acknowledge it--at least not with Billy standing in front of him and looking lovely with his eyebrows knitted in confusion.
“I can’t ask you to do that.”
“Did you ask me? I want to.”
“I can’t promise you anything.”
Dominic wants to tell Billy that they aren’t living in the Victorian era, where people promised themselves to each other. It might be nice to know for sure that it will work out between them, but Dominic is willing to take what he can get. Just knowing that Billy has some kind of feeling for him makes him feel warmed all over. “It’s okay. We’ll just go on as before, and when you’re ready … um, if you’re ready …”
He doesn’t want to say anything more. He doesn’t want to expect so much or put pressure on Billy. Their eyes are locked on each other’s for a few more moments and Dominic swears that he can remember exactly how Billy’s lips had felt--tasted. Billy clears his throat and turns to get into the car. He’s just made a decision and knows that it’s going to be a long night reconciling himself to it. He has a lot to think about. Pushing off the car, Dominic takes a few steps back. Once Billy is inside, he shuts the door and stands there, wondering if this means that they will start acting differently around each other. He decides that they certainly could go on having these long, quiet moments.
After starting the car, Billy rolls the window down, and there’s another awkwardly long moment of silence when all they have to do is say goodnight. Dominic feels increasingly uncomfortable--not because of the silence, but because he doesn’t want Billy to leave.
“Dom?”
Dominic turns to see Orlando standing several feet away--though he doesn’t seem to be coming any closer--and Dominic is suddenly grateful for his presence. “I’ll be right there.” He looks again to Billy. “Are you sure you don’t want to go out with us?”
“No. I’ve got to … I need some time. Alone. I think.”
“Right. You’ll call me if you need to talk?”
“I will. Thanks.” Billy smiles at Dominic. It may be a little forced, but it feels good. Dominic nods, smiling back in response. Billy’s smile isn’t one that says much of anything, but he’s glad to see it.
Billy rolls up the window and waves. As he starts to back out of his space, he’s struck by another question. Dominic has offered to wait without being asked, and Billy is still confused. He stops and rolls down his window, calling out to Dominic just as he and Orlando have turned towards Orlando's car. He waits somewhat impatiently for Dominic to walk back over. “I was just wondering … why are you doing this? Waiting.”
Unable to keep the smile from spreading across his face, Dominic leans down towards the open window. “Because I think you’ll be worth the wait."
Author: Dani
Fandom: Lotrips
Pairing: Billy/Dom
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: A work of fiction; the recognizable people in the story belong to themselves and have never performed the actions portrayed here. I do not know the actors nor am I associated with them in any way. If you are underage, please do not read this story. I am not making any profit from these stories, nor do I mean any harm.
Notes: This story was originally posted in 2003 but was an unfinished work in progress. It is now a completed work. This was the note in 2004 and then my laptop died, taking with it the finished chapters. Then I thought, what a better tribute to Monaboyd Month than to finish a WIP that's languished for five years? Thanks to
kiltsandlollies for the beta; all errors are, of course, my own.Previously: one
Notes: Chapter 1
Six in the morning is not the best time of day, Billy decides, at which to question his sexuality. With glue drying on his feet and his porridge growing cold, Billy normally can’t manage more than grunts and smiles in answer to questions; today, he can’t even find it in himself to do either of those things. Not because he hadn't wanted to get out of his warm bed--though he hadn't--but because he can’t erase the memory of last night’s events from his mind. The headache hammering behind his temples isn’t making it any easier, either.
The kiss had started out gentle--just a birthday wish--but had grown in intensity. Hands that had at first rested on Dominic's waist had traveled--one along his spine, the other kneading his ass. Afterwards, when the kiss had finally--finally--ended, Dominic’s eyes had smoldered, the promise of more to come very clear. And his lips … deep red, swollen and moist--perfect. Tempting.
“Bill.”
And completely attached to Orlando’s it had seemed. Orlando has his own charms, which completely confuse Billy, because it’s already been hard enough coming to terms with what he feels when he looks at Dominic. Seeing Orlando and Dominic kiss--and whatever else his overactive imagination had readily supplied--had …
“Bill … Billy!”
His thoughts jerked back to the present, Billy forces his focus on Elijah standing near the CD player.
“You with us, dude?”
Dominic had noticed the faraway look on Billy’s face long before Elijah began trying to get Billy’s attention, but had chosen to leave him be. Standing on a box for hours at dawn is bothersome enough. Now he watches carefully, with something approaching concern, as Billy attempts to shake off whatever he’d been thinking about.
“’Course I am.” Looking around the small makeup trailer, Billy is dismayed to find everyone’s attention focused on him. He clears his throat and weakly adds, “Not enough coffee.”
The heat of a blush warms Billy’s cheeks even as he tries to chuckle along with everyone else in the make-up trailer. He gives a self-conscious glance in Dominic’s direction, trying not to focus on Dominic's lips now stretched wide in laughter. Trying not to remember that so many weeks ago, those same lips had kissed him--and had kissed Orlando only last night.
Elijah rolls his eyes and laughs. “Another late night with Melanie, more likely.”
Although Dominic laughs along with everyone else at Elijah’s comment, he still watches Billy with the same intensity. There isn’t much reason for him to question things anymore. Billy has more than proven his heterosexuality over the last few weeks, with something of a ferocity. Still, Dominic finds himself awaiting Billy’s reaction, as if he still needs that one last bit of proof--something to twist the knife just a bit more.
“Stay still, please,” the make-up person chides.
“Sorry.” Dominic is forced to turn away from Billy now, but can still see his image reflected in the mirror. The smile that had been there a moment ago is gone, replaced by a frown and furrowed forehead.
***
Billy watches Sean Astin’s face, hoping he has chosen the right person to go to with his troubles. The fact that Sean has calmly set his sandwich down, rather than dropping it, gives Billy a little comfort.
“Did you kiss him back?”
“No,” Billy responds quickly.
“What happened then? Did you hit him?” Sean asks, only joking a little.
“No,” Billy answers again, but more softly. “I yelled a little but--"
“But what? Are you two okay?” Sean frowns, looking frightfully worried.
“It’s fine, Sean. Really. It’s not … well, he apologized, said he wouldn’t do it again.”
“Then everything's okay?”
“Yeah.”
Sean nods as he begins eating again, balancing his plate on one knee, his book on the other. Billy picks up his water bottle, deliberating about whether or not to bring up the rest of his problem.
“So when did this happen?”
“Mmm?” Billy takes a few swallows and puts the bottle down. “About four weeks ago.”
“A month? Sean is frowning again.
“A month, aye.”
“Okay,” Sean says, drawing the word out and making it sound more like a question or an accusation.
Billy is silent for several minutes, watching as Sean goes back to his book. He turns to look over his shoulder, seeing Dominic and Elijah playing a game with a paper cup.
“Sean?”
“Yeah,” Sean answers, distracted.
“I didn’t mind when Dom kissed me. In fact, I think I liked it.”
Sean creases the corner of the page he’s reading and puts his book down by his side. At the sound of the book closing, Billy turns his head to look back at Sean, who is now looking across the field to where the next shot is being set up. Knowing that Sean is contemplating his words, Billy drops his eyes and nervously pulls at the grass between his Hobbit feet.
“Then why didn’t you kiss him back?” Sean finally asks.
“What would that make me?”
“Um … someone who likes to kiss. Like Dom, obviously.”
“You know what I mean.” Billy shakes his head, wanting to hear the words. Wanting someone else to say it.
“And so do you. Does it scare you to be attracted to a man?”
Billy changes his mind completely, wishing suddenly that he hadn't said anything at all. He crosses his arms over his chest, growing uncomfortable with where the conversation is headed. It’s one thing to think about it--fantasize about it--but to verbalize it might make it real, might make it--
“It happens, Billy,” Sean continues. “It doesn’t mean that you have to pursue a relationship. But I’d hate to think that this might become a problem between the two of you.”
“But what if I--" Billy thinks back to the night before, at Dominic’s birthday party. He thinks about the kiss that Dominic and Orlando had shared. “You were there last night, Sean. You saw Orli and Dom.”
“Seemed more like drunken behavior to me, and you know that Orlando's very affectionate. I doubt that it meant anything.” Sean’s voice begins to take on an air of exasperation. His eyes look past Billy. “Maybe you should be talking to Dom about this.”
Nodding and knowing that Sean is right, Billy turns around again, only to see Dominic looking right back at him.
“Dom?”
“Yeah, Elijah?”
“It’s your turn.”
“What?”
“The game. It’s your turn.”
“Right. Sorry.”
Elijah crosses the small distance between them, looking to see what has Dominic so distracted. Across the small field, Billy stands up, gathering his empty plate and bottle of water before throwing them all away and walking alone in the direction of his trailer. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out between the two of you.”
Dominic turns his head and offers Elijah a small smile, wrapping his arm around Elijah’s shoulder. “It’s all right. I guess it wasn’t meant to be.”
“You and Orlando seemed quite close last night.”
“Orli?” Dominic laughs, the image of him and Orlando together hilarious to him. “Just a birthday kiss, mate. You know, one to grow on and all.”
The thought of having a birthday kiss of his own makes Elijah’s cheeks burn as he laughs along. “Are you still going to try with Bill?”
“I think that’s a lost cause. Don’t want to hurt our friendship just because I have a crush.” Dominic gives a self-deprecating smile. “I love him and he knows it. It’s almost enough, you know?”
“Yeah.” Elijah sweeps his hobbit foot over the grass, focusing on the hair covering his toes. He doesn’t feel as if he knows at all. “So, you’re not interested in Orlando?”
“Why? Are you?” Elijah doesn’t answer him though his deepening blush gives answer enough. “He’s got a girlfriend, you know.”
“So does Billy.”
Dominic drops his arm and begins walking backwards, suddenly eager to resume their game.
***
“No. I’m just saying that Billy Corgan is genius and Moby is a complete wanker. His lyrics have none of the subtlety of Corgan’s. Moby’s nothing but mental masturbation put to music.”
Dominic reclines in the makeup chair, relaxing into his footbath and massage. He looks to the end of the trailer where Elijah stands, fully de-hobbited and enthusiastically explaining his point while waiting for Sean.
“I’m coming.” Sean walks over to the door, giving a wave towards Dominic before herding Elijah out the door. “Now, who’s Corgan with again?”
The few people left in the trailer laugh at Elijah’s dramatic sigh as the door shuts. Billy is the only one who doesn’t seem to catch it and Dominic turns to see him slumped to the side of his chair, his head resting on a folded arm. Once his feet have been toweled off, Dominic leans forward. “You sleeping, Bill?”
Billy doesn’t answer.
The trailer door opens and closes a few more times as the crew finishes their day, each calling out a farewell until only Billy and Dom remain.
Dom stands up and kneels next to Billy’s chair. His hand hovers over Billy’s head for a minute before resting lightly there. He strokes his hair softly, ruffling where the wig had flattened it. “Bill? C’mon. Let’s go home.” He watches Billy’s eyes flutter open.
Billy’s eyes slowly focus on Dominic’s face so close to his own. “Dom?”
Dominic smiles at him, his fingers still moving through Billy’s hair. “Maybe I should drive you home, Sleeping Beauty.”
Billy smiles back, feeling that now familiar flutter in his stomach he gets now whenever he’s near Dominic. He looks around the empty trailer. “Where is everyone?”
“Gone. They just finished with me.” A few more strands slip through Dominic’s fingers, before Billy sits up, moving out of reach. Dominic stands and stretches, twisting from side to side, sorry that the moment has to end so soon. He watches Billy scrub at his face, looking at him wistfully before grabbing his clothes. “I’m going to change, then I’ll take you home.”
Nodding his head sleepily, Billy stands and shucks Pippin’s trousers. As he pulls his jeans on over his boxers, he thinks about his talk with Sean earlier. About Dominic kissing him. About Orlando kissing Dominic. He takes the rest of the costume off and neatly hangs the outfit up on hangers so that he won’t be scolded by wardrobe in the morning. Picking up his shirt, he looks into the line of mirrors in front of him and sees Dominic watching. Dominic drops his eyes, embarrassed, and mumbles an apology.
“It’s all right.” Billy faces Dominic, hesitant and twisting his shirt in his hands. “I’ve wanted to talk to you. I wanted to ask you about--"
“Dom!” Orlando bursts into the trailer, the door banging loudly against the trailer wall. “C’mon, man! You’re not ready yet? Hey Bills.”
“Orlando.” Billy pulls his shirt over his head, cursing himself for being so reticent. He’s never been at such a loss for words around Dominic, not until the night of that kiss. Opening a drawer, Billy grabs his wallet and keys.
“Shit! I forgot that we’re going out.” Dominic can’t imagine Orlando having worse timing. He has an idea of what Billy’s words might have been leading towards, and if he’s right, he couldn't care less about going to get a beer. Even as the nagging internal voice tells him he’s deluding himself again, he can’t help but rock back on his feet, suddenly anxious again.
Orlando bounds up behind Dominic, wrapping his arms around Dominic’s shoulders. “Forgot?”
“You start knocking them back already, or what?” Dominic says, trying to extricate himself from the embrace. “I need to take Billy home.”
Billy watches them, his expression carefully arranged. “No, Dom. It’s all right. I can drive myself.” He holds up his keys as if to make his decision more final.
“No, I said I would.”
“Leave ‘im alone, you git, and let’s go.” Orlando plants a wet kiss on Dominic’s cheek, and then rubs his own against it.
“Stop it, Orli.” Dominic didn’t enjoy pushing Orlando away--the affection that his friend lavished on him is usually quite welcome and innocent enough, but the timing's just wrong. “Not now.” It’s supposed to be for Orlando’s ears only, but Dominic’s words come out a little louder than he meant.
It’s all Billy needs to hear. He’s almost thankful that Orlando'd interrupted when he had--before Billy could make a fool of himself. “I don’t want to ruin your evening. I can manage.” While sliding into his shoes, he adds, “Wide awake now. Promise.”
“You should come, Billy,” Orlando says, having already unwrapped himself from Dominic.
“No,” Billy answers shortly.
Orlando grins and flops down in one of the chairs. “Hot date with that gal, I bet. What’s her name? Melissa?”
“Melanie,” Dominic supplies, grabbing his wallet and feeling for his car keys. He’s determined to hear what Billy has to say before the night is through.
“Going out with Mel tonight, then? Bring her. We’ll double date.” Orlando winks at Dominic while using his foot to twist the chair from side to side, and Dominic's suddenly angrier with himself than anything. All the playful flirting he’s done with Orlando--he curses himself for it now.
“Thanks, but no thanks, Orli.” Billy had considered getting together with Melanie tonight, but had almost immediately decided that it had all been a mistake. It’s bad enough that he’s been dating her just to get his mind off Dominic--to remind himself and everyone else that he’s straight and decidedly so. Walking towards the door, he adds, “Staying in tonight, actually.”
“Sucks. Okay, Sblomie. Billy’s getting himself home, so let’s go.” Orlando launches himself out of the chair, draping himself over Dominic again.
“Wait, Billy.”
“Guess it’ll just be me and you.” Orlando tightens his grip, leaning down to kiss Dominic’s neck.
In the few seconds that it takes for Dominic to throw Orlando a glare, the trailer door opens then slams shut. “Fuck!” Dominic pulls away from Orlando, already running towards the door before he stops, realizing he’s still barefoot. “Fuck!”
“What?”
Dominic falls into the chair, quickly donning his socks and trainers and calculating how long it’ll take Billy to get to his car. “Orli, what the hell is wrong with you? I told you to stop.”
Seeming to finally take Dominic seriously, Orlando frowns. “What the hell is wrong with you? Just playing around like we always do, man. You’ve never freaked out like this before.” Orlando turns, looking at the door then back at Dominic. “You’ve a thing for Billy now?”
Dominic doesn’t respond. He can’t believe he’s having such a problem with something as simple as tying a shoelace.
“You do,” Orlando crowed. “You have a crush on Billy. Why didn’t you say something? I wouldn’t have kissed you in front of him. I wouldn’t have--"
Sighing, Dominic stands up. “It’s okay, Orli. He’s assured me he’s straight. It’s just that--"
“What? Are you going to try to convert him? It can’t be done, man.”
“It’s not like that.” Dominic stands, heading for the door. Opening the door, Dominic stops to look back at Orlando who is sprawled in the chair looking petulant. “Meet me in the car park in ten minutes. Stay here until then.”
***
While unlocking his car door, Billy hears Dominic calling his name. He’s resolved to just get into the car and drive away until he notices that Orlando isn’t jogging over to him along with Dominic.
“I told you I’d take you home,” Dominic says when he reaches the car.
“I’m fine. I thought maybe you’d be eager to be off.” Billy watches as Dominic catches his breath. He can’t understand it. Orlando was all over Dominic, yet Dominic runs clear across the lot and still wants to drive him home. He can’t help wonder just what other cast members Dominic has kissed.
“No, not really. You wanted to ask me something.” If Billy isn’t going to let himself be driven home, Dominic is at least going to get Billy to talk to him before he leaves.
The keys jingle as Billy puts his hands on his hips. He looks at the ground, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth, wording and rewording the question he wants to ask. After changing his mind a dozen times, he finally says, “You and Orlando seem very close.”
“I feel like I’ve had this conversation once today,” Dominic mumbles. “No more than any of us.”
“It didn’t look that way.”
“Orli’s just like that, you know?”
“I saw him kiss you last night.”
Dominic stares at Billy, wondering if he is really hearing jealousy in his friend’s voice, afraid he might be misreading the situation again. He shoves his hands deep into his trouser pockets, giving a soft kick to one of Billy’s tires. “Just a kiss.”
“Between guys who like to kiss.”
“Yeah.” Dominic has pretty much memorized the tread of the tire at this point. “And, well, it was my birthday, mate.” And I was pissed drunk, he adds silently.
“Right.” Billy’s attention is drawn to the motion of Dominic’s foot. He can’t recall any reason for guys to kiss and grope each other when they turned another year older. “Sounds like more.”
Dominic doesn’t know what to say. Yes, Orlando had kissed him. Yes, he had bloody well enjoyed that kiss. Yes, he would have rather been kissing Billy, but Billy is straight. Or so he thinks. Raising he head, Dominic decides to be blunt. “Can I ask why you care, Billy?”
Shocked, Billy looks up. “I … I don’t.”
“I think you do,” Dominic challenges, seeing how taken aback Billy is by his question. If he’s going to find out how Billy really feels, he has to find out quick—Orlando would be coming soon. Billy opens and shuts his mouth in a good impression of a fish, not sure how to continue. He had already convinced himself that he needs to honest with himself … and with Dominic. Dominic notices how Billy’s arms stiffly fall to his sides, how he backs up against the car. He leans sideways against the car next to Billy. “It’s okay. I’m not going to kiss you again.”
Billy crosses his arms in front of his chest, blushing furiously. He looks off into the distance, towards the sun beginning its descent. “I still don’t understand why you--"
“Because I wanted to. And because you seemed to want me to.” He remembers how Billy had looked that night, how sad Billy had seemed before Dominic had touched him. It felt right to have Billy in his arms. “I fucking hate that I did it, though. I hate that we have it between us still. It was weeks ago.”
“No. It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. I’m sorry.”
“Dom.” Billy turns to look up at Dominic, then down at his hands. He can't stand the way Dominic is looking at him. He also can’t stand how much he wants Dominic to kiss him again. Sure, he would probably have gotten angry--would have pushed him away again, but … he just wants to feel it again. Frustrated with himself, Billy plays with the edge of his shirt. “I've been thinking about it. A lot. I don’t understand why.”
“Billy, I didn’t mean to make you--"
“Let me finish.” Billy rubs his eyes, wishing he were still in his sleepy daze. “I’m not going to see Melanie anymore. I just don’t … It’s not fair to her.”
“What’s not?” Dominic is more certain than ever now, and Billy is most definitely blushing. He stays quiet, letting hope blossom again.
“When you kissed me … it wasn’t the first time I thought … it was the first time a man had kissed me, but not the first time I had thought about it. Thought about what it would be like.” Billy knows he’s rambling but there's no way around it. It’s not going to come out any clearer than this even if he had another few months to plan it. “I have nothing against it, for others, but for me …” Billy shakes his head. “Jesus, this is hard.”
Dominic feels overwhelmed with what he could say and do, but he keeps his face passive, calm. “Just … just take your time. I’m not going anywhere.” It takes everything in him not to just touch Billy’s hair again, to put his arms around him--to take Billy’s face in his hands and kiss him until they both run out of breath. He prays that Orlando waits just a little bit longer.
“The thing is, I can’t stop thinking about it. That it was you.” Billy’s only beginning to understand why it’s bothering him so much. If it had only been ‘just a kiss’ then it wouldn’t have mattered in the least. He wonders why he can’t be more like Orlando, and not take it all so seriously. His answer, of course, is that it’s because it’s Dominic who'd kissed him, and not just some crawling monkey of a castmate having a laugh. “I’m just afraid of what--"
“We can take it slow.” Dominic almost covers his mouth as he realizes what he’s said, but decides maybe it’s the best thing he could have said. At least Billy can know exactly what is on his mind.
Billy looks up at Dominic’s face, studying him. Dominic's reaction is a little perplexing, but then Billy's never very sure what to expect from him. “I don’t know when or if I’ll be ready for a … to …”
“I’ll wait.”
“What about Orlando?”
“I won’t kiss him anymore.”
“No, I mean--"
“He and I, we’re friends--close friends who sometimes do silly things, but they don’t mean anything. I’ll wait for you, Billy.” The thought of just how long he might have to wait is in the back of his mind, but it isn’t nagging enough for Dominic to acknowledge it--at least not with Billy standing in front of him and looking lovely with his eyebrows knitted in confusion.
“I can’t ask you to do that.”
“Did you ask me? I want to.”
“I can’t promise you anything.”
Dominic wants to tell Billy that they aren’t living in the Victorian era, where people promised themselves to each other. It might be nice to know for sure that it will work out between them, but Dominic is willing to take what he can get. Just knowing that Billy has some kind of feeling for him makes him feel warmed all over. “It’s okay. We’ll just go on as before, and when you’re ready … um, if you’re ready …”
He doesn’t want to say anything more. He doesn’t want to expect so much or put pressure on Billy. Their eyes are locked on each other’s for a few more moments and Dominic swears that he can remember exactly how Billy’s lips had felt--tasted. Billy clears his throat and turns to get into the car. He’s just made a decision and knows that it’s going to be a long night reconciling himself to it. He has a lot to think about. Pushing off the car, Dominic takes a few steps back. Once Billy is inside, he shuts the door and stands there, wondering if this means that they will start acting differently around each other. He decides that they certainly could go on having these long, quiet moments.
After starting the car, Billy rolls the window down, and there’s another awkwardly long moment of silence when all they have to do is say goodnight. Dominic feels increasingly uncomfortable--not because of the silence, but because he doesn’t want Billy to leave.
“Dom?”
Dominic turns to see Orlando standing several feet away--though he doesn’t seem to be coming any closer--and Dominic is suddenly grateful for his presence. “I’ll be right there.” He looks again to Billy. “Are you sure you don’t want to go out with us?”
“No. I’ve got to … I need some time. Alone. I think.”
“Right. You’ll call me if you need to talk?”
“I will. Thanks.” Billy smiles at Dominic. It may be a little forced, but it feels good. Dominic nods, smiling back in response. Billy’s smile isn’t one that says much of anything, but he’s glad to see it.
Billy rolls up the window and waves. As he starts to back out of his space, he’s struck by another question. Dominic has offered to wait without being asked, and Billy is still confused. He stops and rolls down his window, calling out to Dominic just as he and Orlando have turned towards Orlando's car. He waits somewhat impatiently for Dominic to walk back over. “I was just wondering … why are you doing this? Waiting.”
Unable to keep the smile from spreading across his face, Dominic leans down towards the open window. “Because I think you’ll be worth the wait."
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