Jan. 12th, 2003 11:23 pm
Fic: A Case of You. 3
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fox_confessorDisclaimer: A work of fiction; the recognizable people in the story belong to themselves and have never performed the actions portrayed here. I do not know the actors nor am I associated with them in any way. If you are underage, please do not read this story. I am not making any profit from these stories, nor do I mean any harm.
Title: A Case of You. 3
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: bb/dm
Summary: "Comes a rain storm / Put your rubbers on your feet / Comes a snow storm / You can get a little heat / Comes love / Nothing can be done"
Notes: Beta'd by Kia. Lyrics in summary are from Lew Brown/Sammy Stept/Charles Tobias "Comes Love." Parts: One Two
“Um, Sean. Hey. I was actually just about to head out.” Dominic had swung the door open, expecting to see Billy but finding Sean Astin instead.
“Yeah, I know. I talked to Billy this morning.”
“So…what are you doing here?”
Sean put a hand on the door, pushing it, and Dominic, aside. “We need to talk,” he said, walking in.
Dominic groaned and stuck his head out the door, looking up the street. With no sign of Billy, he shut the door and headed down the hall. Spotting the bottle of soda in Sean’s hand when he entered the kitchen, Dom wondered just how long Sean was planning to ‘talk.’ “Make yourself comfortable. Have a drink,” he said, sitting down at the table. He waited, chin in his hand.
Sean tapped his fingers impatiently. “I don’t know what you’re thinking but this is a really bad idea.”
“It’s a national park. There’s rangers and stuff. We’ll be fine.”
“I’m being serious here.”
“Sean-”
“He’s vulnerable right now.”
Dominic sighed. “He’s a grown man, not a teenager with a first crush.”
“Damn it, Dom.” Sean twisted in his seat, throwing the bottle cap that was still in his hand onto the table. It slid off the edge and onto the floor.
The harmless sound of plastic skittering across linoleum was enough to make Dominic wince. It was safety-first Sean, of course, he shouldn’t have been surprised. It made him want to laugh.
“Are you even taking this seriously?”
Dominic looked up, nodded. “I am.” He was serious about his feelings. Serious about being with Billy.
Sean set his bottle down and stood up. He paced the small kitchen, kicking the bottle cap across the floor with his sneaker. “You’re going to end up hurting him.”
“No, I’m not.”
“How can you say that?”
Dominic put his hands flat on the table in front of him, staring at them, unable to meet Sean’s eyes, knowing what he might see. He was sure of his answer, but it was something he worried about all the time. “Because I love him and I’m not pushing him into anything.”
“Not pushing?” Sean stopped in front of Dominic’s chair. “Dom! He was straight when he arrived here! He was practically a freakin’ playboy. And you’ve-”
Dominic started laughing at Sean’s assessment, looked up into Sean’s piercing, but concerned stare. He couldn’t figure out what he had been so afraid of. “First of all, I’m not starting a gay fucking cult here. Second of all, how much have you actually talked to him about this?”
Sean didn’t seem amused. He shook his head, letting on that he wasn’t in the mood for jokes. “Several times,” he said, sitting back down, his voice stolid. “He said, this morning, that he’s been seriously considering a relationship with you. This isn’t something to kid about. This is his life.”
Dominic hadn’t heard anything past ‘relationship with you.’ He sat there, a wide grin spreading on his face, deliriously happy. Not that they hadn’t talked about it, but it had never felt real. If Billy was talking to Sean about it, maybe…
“Okay, I can see that the feeling is mutual,” Sean said.
Dominic noticed the slight change in Sean’s voice. “It is, Sean. It is.”
Nodding slowly, Sean actually looked more accepting about it than before. “Don’t you think this is moving a little fast?”
Pulled from his reverie by the question, Dominic reached over to put his hand over one of Sean’s. “It’s been months since...and Billy has set the pace the *entire* time. This isn’t just a whim. We’ve talked about it. A lot.”
“Months isn’t exactly a long time when you’re talking about changing someone’s life. So if it isn’t a whim, what is it?”
“It’s nothing. Yet. Listen, we haven’t done anything. We haven’t even kissed.”
Sean pulled his hand away from Dominic’s. “You did once.”
Dominic was suddenly nervous to know that Sean knew about it. Worried about how Sean would interpret it. “He told you about that?” After Sean’s nod, he continued, “But that was in October, almost six months ago.”
“There you go talking about months again, Dom. My point is that this is overwhelming for him. Or can be.”
Dominic chewed on the inside of his cheek, studying Sean for a few minutes, feeling apprehensive. “Did *he* tell you that? Did Billy ask you to come here?”
“No.”
“Then why bring it up?” They stared at each other for a few minutes more before Dominic gave a large sigh. “Listen, Sean, I appreciate what you’re saying but-”
“I don’t want to see him hurt.” And the look on Sean’s face made that more clear than his words did.
“Neither do I. He’s my best friend. I’m not going to hurt him.”
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
“What if he decides this was all a mistake. That what he thought was…whatever he thinks it is, is just because of the circumstances of being here. Or what if he decides that it’s just too much to handle when he’s back home, back with his family and friends. What are you going to do then?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?” Sean looked confused. “You just said you loved him!”
“I do. But like I said before. He’s my best friend. I’m not going to stop loving him if he can’t return it in the same way. I would just go on.”
“You wouldn’t be disappointed?”
“Of course!” Just when he thought that Sean was understanding, the man had only gotten more annoying with his questions. “I’m not saying *that*. I just mean--” A loud knock stopped Dominic and he stood up. “I know you care about us, Sean, and I love you for it but this is something me and Billy have to work out for ourselves.”
Sean looked like he was going to respond, until a voice came from the other room.
“Hello? Dom?”
“In the kitchen, Billy!” Dominic turned back to Sean. “Just let us work it out. Okay? Don’t tell him about this. Please.”
“Don’t tell me what?”
Both looked up to where Billy stood in the doorway, hands in his pockets. Dominic looked at Sean pleadingly. He had planned this outing for so long and didn’t want anything to ruin it.
The expression on Sean’s face softened when he turned from Dominic to Billy. “It’s nothing. Just being the mother hen. So what are you guys going to do out there? Hike?”
Billy looked from Sean to Dominic. They had obviously just had a conversation. A conversation about what he had said to Sean that morning? Looking at Dominic's smile, he doubted it. Dominic wouldn’t have looked so pleased if he knew. “Yeah. Heading up the coast a bit.”
“Place that Andy told us about,” Dominic explained. “You can hike up through these woods and…”
“…go right to the shore and there’s always these seals,” Billy continued. “Just feeding and swimming, sunning themselves.”
Sean smiled. “We ought to bring Ally up one day. She’d really enjoy it.”
“I’ll buy her some cute little hiking boots, tell her it’s our honeymoon,” Dominic said, laughing a little. When Billy turned around and looked at him, he added, “Mine and Ally’s.” He had no idea why he felt the need to clarify that.
Looking away from Dominic, feeling his face flush a little, Billy looked at the floor. “Um, were you going to come today, Sean?” Billy noticed the bottle cap on the floor and bent down to pick it up.
Knowing only Sean could see him, Dominic shook his head and added a wave of his hand just to be sure.
“Um…” Sean said.
When Billy rose back up, he noticed Sean looking past him. He turned to look at Dominic who was running his hand through his hair, then looked back at Sean.
“No. Not today, Billy. Just wanted to stop by and um…”
“Play mother hen?” Dominic finished.
Smiling, Sean shook his head at Dominic’s helpful suggestion and stood up.
Billy watched the exchange, curious. “Are you two going to tell me what’s going on?”
Dominic put on his best calm, cool and collected act. “It’s nothing, is it, Sean?”
“Right. I’m going to take off,” Sean said, quickly leaving the kitchen. His voice echoed from the hallway, “You two have fun today and be careful. Make sure you take a map and a compass. As a matter of fact, maybe you could borrow a walkie-talkie from-”
“Yes, Mum!” Dominic yelled.
“Fine. Don’t listen to me. See you later, guys.”
Billy waited to hear the door close. “So, what was that all about?”
Dominic began to straighten up, throwing Sean’s bottle into the recycling bin. He definitely didn’t think was a good time to have a serious conversation. “You know how Sean is.”
“I don’t mean that. I meant--”
“I know what you meant, Billy. You about ready to go?”
Billy stared at Dominic for a moment, knowing there was something being left unsaid. He put the cap on the table as he thought about his own secret--the one he was keeping from Dominic. So they were even. “Yeah, sure. Let’s go.”
***
Billy trudged up the steep slope, his eyes on Dominic’s red shirt several meters ahead of him. Thoughts of how to explain to him that he couldn’t pursue a relationship filled his mind. He tried and discarded several approaches, knowing that nothing would ever make it easy.
Distracted, he grabbed a young sapling to pull himself up and gave a cry when it pulled loose sending him sliding down on his knees.
“Billy!” Dominic called out, cautiously picking his way down, half sliding on his bottom. “Are you okay?”
Cursing himself for not paying attention, Billy stood up, brushing the pebbles and dirt from his hands and knees, more embarrassed than hurt. Bending over, he inspected a small hole in the knee of his jeans, noticing a little blood. “Ripped. Cut my knee. But otherwise, I’m fine.”
Dominic slung his daypack onto the ground and knelt in front of Billy.
“I’m fine. Don’t fuss.”
“Hush. Just let me look. I’ve got a first aid kit.”
“Always prepared.”
“Just like a scout.” Dominic carefully pulled the cuff of Billy’s trousers up past his knee and gently stroked his finger next to the thin cut. Unzipping his pack, he pulled out the small kit and opened it up.
“Hand me the bottle of water.”
Dominic handed it up and watched as Billy tipped his head back, taking a long draught. He lowered his eyes away from the neck he longed to taste and reached for an alcohol pad. “This’ll smart a bit.”
Billy nodded his head, dragging the back of his hand across his mouth. He grimaced when he felt the sting. He tapped the bottle against his leg and decided that it was as good a time as any to talk. “Dom?”
“Yeah?” Dominic folded the pad in half and dabbed at the cut.
“I, um…I think that maybe…” Billy stopped and looked down. Dominic was holding his calf in one hand, rubbing soothing patterns against the back of his leg, while gently blowing away the sting of the alcohol. All thoughts fled as he watched Dominic care for him so tenderly.
Noticing Billy’s silence, Dominic looked up and they stared at each for what seemed like an eternity. Finally breaking the silence, Dominic asked softly, “You were thinking what?”
A rumble of thunder had them both looking up just as raindrops started to fall. Dominic hurried to place a bandage over Billy’s knee and pulled down his trouser leg. He gathered everything into his pack before standing up. “There,” he said, pointing to a rock cropping several meters away. “We’ll have to hurry. Can you walk okay?”
“It’s a bloody scrape, Dom,” Billy said, almost offended at Dominic’s question. He wasn’t fragile or anything…on most days. “I told you it didn’t hurt much.”
Dominic narrowed his eyes, trying to decide if Billy was telling him the truth. To him, it looked as though it would hurt pretty badly. The rain, however, decided for him, as it began to pour steadily over their heads. He grabbed Billy’s hand and pulled him along behind, jumping a little at a sudden burst of lightening that lit up the sky around them.
Reaching the rocks, they saw a little alcove that would allow them to stay out of the rain. Once inside, they leaned back against the cold rock wall, quiet as they watched the small waterfall caused by the heavy rain.
They were mostly shielded from the cold wind but the temperature seemed to drop very quickly as they waited for the rain to stop. Billy shivered a bit, wrapping his arms around his chest. “This is what I call bad planning.”
“Yeah,” Dominic responded. Somewhat disappointed by the change in their plans, but also just glad to be with Billy at all. Anywhere. “Cold?”
“A little.”
“You want my jacket?”
“Then *you’ll* be cold,” Billy said, stepping forward to look past the rocks a bit, thinking about how peaceful it was. Being caught like that. He felt like they were the only two in the world. Remembering what he had to tell Dominic, he wished they could stay just as they were. Still, he knew it wasn’t fair to delay explaining. He had to tell Dominic the truth. That he just couldn’t do it. That he wasn’t ready to pursue that side of himself. He knew that things couldn’t go back to the way they were, being best mates, but hoped Dominic would understand. Suddenly, very cold, he unconsciously rubbed his hands against his arms.
Watching Billy rub his hands against his arms, looking colder than before, he thought about the night he and Billy had kissed. The moment seemed similar, because of the cold, yet different…they were already past the first kiss. He also thought about his conversation with Sean, worried that maybe he *had* pushed. That he wanted a relationship so much, that he was pressuring Billy into it just to please himself. His stomach knotted with the fear. But what he told Sean earlier was true. He loved Billy. Perhaps more than he had ever loved anyone in his entire life. And he considered that as being the main reason he should release Billy.
Pain filled Dominic’s mind at his resolution but he knew he couldn’t back down. He took a hesitant step. “Bill?”
Billy, immersed in his own thoughts didn’t answer Dominic’s soft call. He shivered again, lowering his sad eyes to the damp earth at his feet.
Dominic chewed on his lower lip, reaching a timid hand towards Billy’s arm before pulling it back. He watched as Billy’s shoulders shuddered again and reached his hand back out, resting it gently on his shoulder. He rubbed a soft circle then stepped closer, sliding his arm around to Billy’s waist. Feeling the cold skin of Billy’s arm against his hand, he stepped even closer, pulling him against his chest.
Feeling Dominic’s hand on his shoulder got Billy's attention. He held himself very still, Dominic encircling him, their bodies touching from shoulder to foot. He stiffened for a moment not sure how to react but craving the warmth Dominic offered. It was just like that day. The day when Dominic kissed him.
Dominic crossed one arm over Billy’s waist and with the other rubbed heat into his upper arm, his fingers sliding under the thin material of Billy's tee shirt. He felt Billy relax against him and rested his chin on Billy’s shoulder. They stood quietly, watching the rain from behind their small waterfall as it created small streams that flowed down the hillside.
Billy looked to where Dominic’s hand now covered his own on his bicep. The arguments flew from his mind as he looked at the slightly tanned fingers gently stroking his pale skin. He lifted his head and watched Dominic for a moment out of the corner of his eye. He raised and lowered his eyes more times than he meant to.
Feeling Billy fidget, Dominic turned to look at him and found that he was being watched in return. He lowered his head a bit, unsure but…he licks his own lips, yearning to place them on those so close. But then he remembered his decision. Remembered that he loves Billy too much to take advantage of him again.
Billy’s thoughts were blank. His world had condensed to this one moment. He watched as the tip of Dominic’s tongue darted out to moisten his lips. Saw that Dominic’s eyes were focused on his own mouth. The panic and the fear and the indecision have melted away. Everything seemed so very clear and he closed his eyes, leaning forward to close the distance between their mouths.
For a moment, the world stopped and neither moved, not wanting to disturb the soft pressing of lips.
It’s so different, Billy thought. So different, yet so very, very wonderful and familiar. Like having all the answers to every question asked. Like waking up on Christmas morning wrapped in a warm blanket. Like…home.
And then it’s ended and they once again looked at each other, but for Billy, it was like he was seeing Dominic in a whole new light.
“Are you okay?”
“No, Dom,” Billy answered breathlessly. “No. I’m scared to death.”
Dominic stepped away, dropping his arms. “I’m…I’m sorry. I…”
Billy stepped forward, putting one hand on Dominic’s arm to stop him from moving away. He brushed his fingertips over Dominic’s lips, over his cheek, over his eyebrow, quieting the apologies. How could he explain what he was feeling? He was scared but there was no turning back. He loved Dominic, loved him and couldn’t imagine missing that chance. But… Billy shook his head to clear his mind of doubts. Meeting Dominic’s eyes, he knew he should explain. But it was just too much. They could talk later.
Stroking his fingers over Dominic’s furrowed brow, he tried to soothe away his worries. Did he dare to kiss him again?
“Is everything all right? Are we all right, Billy?”
“Yeah. I think we are.”
Dominic grinned, that same feeling of insane happiness as he had felt talking with Sean that morning, returned.
Billy laughed. He felt it, felt awash in Dominic’s bliss.
Feeling as if a great burden had been removed, Dominic pressed close again. “Can I kiss you?”
Billy felt a chill run down his back, but not from the wind and rain this time. He hesitated only a moment before nodding his head. Closing his eyes, he waited.
Putting his hands on Billy’s hips, Dominic pulled him closer. He studied his upturned face for a moment, too excited and too happy and all other sorts of too’s. He moved his head towards Billy and ran a finger over his lips, sliding his fingertips down his neck, resting his thumb there to feel his rapid pulse.
Trembling, Billy felt Dominic’s warm breath against his lips, saying “Billy.” He wondered where to put his hands and if Dominic could feel how nervous he was. Then, as their lips came together, his mind cleared and his world narrowed once more to the feeling of Dominic’s lips on his. His hands lifted of their own accord to rest on Dominic’s back, pulling them closer still.
Dominic’s mind was buzzing. He felt as though every nerve-ending in his body was suddenly and exquisitely on fire. He drew his arms around Billy tighter, reaching up to press his hand to the back of Billy’s head.
Billy moaned into the kiss, kissing back, feeling his bottom lip stroked by Dominic’s tongue. He wanted to open up to Dominic, and so did. Tentatively. A slight parting.
Dominic tried to remind himself to go slow but the velvety warmth of Billy’s mouth undid him. He pushed, seeking to explore every part of Billy’s mouth, seeking out every taste.
“Dom,” Billy murmured into the kiss but Dominic was too far gone. “Dom…Dom!” he said more insistently, pulling away. “Stop for a minute.”
Dominic dragged his lips away, rested them against Billy’s forehead, breathing unsteady. “I’m sorry.”
“Quit apologizing.” Billy leaned his head up, cupping Dominic’s cheek. He smiled softly. It was right, he was sure but very, very different. “Slow. We need to take it slow.”
“I can do slow.” And that grin was back on Dominic’s face. He looked past Billy, trying to reconcile himself to slow. “The rain stopped.”
“Ah, it has,” Billy said, turning to see where their waterfall had become a trickle. “Did you want to go back?”
“No.” Dominic pulled Billy back into a tight embrace. “Let’s just…stay here for a while.”
Tbc…
Title: A Case of You. 3
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: bb/dm
Summary: "Comes a rain storm / Put your rubbers on your feet / Comes a snow storm / You can get a little heat / Comes love / Nothing can be done"
Notes: Beta'd by Kia. Lyrics in summary are from Lew Brown/Sammy Stept/Charles Tobias "Comes Love." Parts: One Two
“Um, Sean. Hey. I was actually just about to head out.” Dominic had swung the door open, expecting to see Billy but finding Sean Astin instead.
“Yeah, I know. I talked to Billy this morning.”
“So…what are you doing here?”
Sean put a hand on the door, pushing it, and Dominic, aside. “We need to talk,” he said, walking in.
Dominic groaned and stuck his head out the door, looking up the street. With no sign of Billy, he shut the door and headed down the hall. Spotting the bottle of soda in Sean’s hand when he entered the kitchen, Dom wondered just how long Sean was planning to ‘talk.’ “Make yourself comfortable. Have a drink,” he said, sitting down at the table. He waited, chin in his hand.
Sean tapped his fingers impatiently. “I don’t know what you’re thinking but this is a really bad idea.”
“It’s a national park. There’s rangers and stuff. We’ll be fine.”
“I’m being serious here.”
“Sean-”
“He’s vulnerable right now.”
Dominic sighed. “He’s a grown man, not a teenager with a first crush.”
“Damn it, Dom.” Sean twisted in his seat, throwing the bottle cap that was still in his hand onto the table. It slid off the edge and onto the floor.
The harmless sound of plastic skittering across linoleum was enough to make Dominic wince. It was safety-first Sean, of course, he shouldn’t have been surprised. It made him want to laugh.
“Are you even taking this seriously?”
Dominic looked up, nodded. “I am.” He was serious about his feelings. Serious about being with Billy.
Sean set his bottle down and stood up. He paced the small kitchen, kicking the bottle cap across the floor with his sneaker. “You’re going to end up hurting him.”
“No, I’m not.”
“How can you say that?”
Dominic put his hands flat on the table in front of him, staring at them, unable to meet Sean’s eyes, knowing what he might see. He was sure of his answer, but it was something he worried about all the time. “Because I love him and I’m not pushing him into anything.”
“Not pushing?” Sean stopped in front of Dominic’s chair. “Dom! He was straight when he arrived here! He was practically a freakin’ playboy. And you’ve-”
Dominic started laughing at Sean’s assessment, looked up into Sean’s piercing, but concerned stare. He couldn’t figure out what he had been so afraid of. “First of all, I’m not starting a gay fucking cult here. Second of all, how much have you actually talked to him about this?”
Sean didn’t seem amused. He shook his head, letting on that he wasn’t in the mood for jokes. “Several times,” he said, sitting back down, his voice stolid. “He said, this morning, that he’s been seriously considering a relationship with you. This isn’t something to kid about. This is his life.”
Dominic hadn’t heard anything past ‘relationship with you.’ He sat there, a wide grin spreading on his face, deliriously happy. Not that they hadn’t talked about it, but it had never felt real. If Billy was talking to Sean about it, maybe…
“Okay, I can see that the feeling is mutual,” Sean said.
Dominic noticed the slight change in Sean’s voice. “It is, Sean. It is.”
Nodding slowly, Sean actually looked more accepting about it than before. “Don’t you think this is moving a little fast?”
Pulled from his reverie by the question, Dominic reached over to put his hand over one of Sean’s. “It’s been months since...and Billy has set the pace the *entire* time. This isn’t just a whim. We’ve talked about it. A lot.”
“Months isn’t exactly a long time when you’re talking about changing someone’s life. So if it isn’t a whim, what is it?”
“It’s nothing. Yet. Listen, we haven’t done anything. We haven’t even kissed.”
Sean pulled his hand away from Dominic’s. “You did once.”
Dominic was suddenly nervous to know that Sean knew about it. Worried about how Sean would interpret it. “He told you about that?” After Sean’s nod, he continued, “But that was in October, almost six months ago.”
“There you go talking about months again, Dom. My point is that this is overwhelming for him. Or can be.”
Dominic chewed on the inside of his cheek, studying Sean for a few minutes, feeling apprehensive. “Did *he* tell you that? Did Billy ask you to come here?”
“No.”
“Then why bring it up?” They stared at each other for a few minutes more before Dominic gave a large sigh. “Listen, Sean, I appreciate what you’re saying but-”
“I don’t want to see him hurt.” And the look on Sean’s face made that more clear than his words did.
“Neither do I. He’s my best friend. I’m not going to hurt him.”
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
“What if he decides this was all a mistake. That what he thought was…whatever he thinks it is, is just because of the circumstances of being here. Or what if he decides that it’s just too much to handle when he’s back home, back with his family and friends. What are you going to do then?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?” Sean looked confused. “You just said you loved him!”
“I do. But like I said before. He’s my best friend. I’m not going to stop loving him if he can’t return it in the same way. I would just go on.”
“You wouldn’t be disappointed?”
“Of course!” Just when he thought that Sean was understanding, the man had only gotten more annoying with his questions. “I’m not saying *that*. I just mean--” A loud knock stopped Dominic and he stood up. “I know you care about us, Sean, and I love you for it but this is something me and Billy have to work out for ourselves.”
Sean looked like he was going to respond, until a voice came from the other room.
“Hello? Dom?”
“In the kitchen, Billy!” Dominic turned back to Sean. “Just let us work it out. Okay? Don’t tell him about this. Please.”
“Don’t tell me what?”
Both looked up to where Billy stood in the doorway, hands in his pockets. Dominic looked at Sean pleadingly. He had planned this outing for so long and didn’t want anything to ruin it.
The expression on Sean’s face softened when he turned from Dominic to Billy. “It’s nothing. Just being the mother hen. So what are you guys going to do out there? Hike?”
Billy looked from Sean to Dominic. They had obviously just had a conversation. A conversation about what he had said to Sean that morning? Looking at Dominic's smile, he doubted it. Dominic wouldn’t have looked so pleased if he knew. “Yeah. Heading up the coast a bit.”
“Place that Andy told us about,” Dominic explained. “You can hike up through these woods and…”
“…go right to the shore and there’s always these seals,” Billy continued. “Just feeding and swimming, sunning themselves.”
Sean smiled. “We ought to bring Ally up one day. She’d really enjoy it.”
“I’ll buy her some cute little hiking boots, tell her it’s our honeymoon,” Dominic said, laughing a little. When Billy turned around and looked at him, he added, “Mine and Ally’s.” He had no idea why he felt the need to clarify that.
Looking away from Dominic, feeling his face flush a little, Billy looked at the floor. “Um, were you going to come today, Sean?” Billy noticed the bottle cap on the floor and bent down to pick it up.
Knowing only Sean could see him, Dominic shook his head and added a wave of his hand just to be sure.
“Um…” Sean said.
When Billy rose back up, he noticed Sean looking past him. He turned to look at Dominic who was running his hand through his hair, then looked back at Sean.
“No. Not today, Billy. Just wanted to stop by and um…”
“Play mother hen?” Dominic finished.
Smiling, Sean shook his head at Dominic’s helpful suggestion and stood up.
Billy watched the exchange, curious. “Are you two going to tell me what’s going on?”
Dominic put on his best calm, cool and collected act. “It’s nothing, is it, Sean?”
“Right. I’m going to take off,” Sean said, quickly leaving the kitchen. His voice echoed from the hallway, “You two have fun today and be careful. Make sure you take a map and a compass. As a matter of fact, maybe you could borrow a walkie-talkie from-”
“Yes, Mum!” Dominic yelled.
“Fine. Don’t listen to me. See you later, guys.”
Billy waited to hear the door close. “So, what was that all about?”
Dominic began to straighten up, throwing Sean’s bottle into the recycling bin. He definitely didn’t think was a good time to have a serious conversation. “You know how Sean is.”
“I don’t mean that. I meant--”
“I know what you meant, Billy. You about ready to go?”
Billy stared at Dominic for a moment, knowing there was something being left unsaid. He put the cap on the table as he thought about his own secret--the one he was keeping from Dominic. So they were even. “Yeah, sure. Let’s go.”
***
Billy trudged up the steep slope, his eyes on Dominic’s red shirt several meters ahead of him. Thoughts of how to explain to him that he couldn’t pursue a relationship filled his mind. He tried and discarded several approaches, knowing that nothing would ever make it easy.
Distracted, he grabbed a young sapling to pull himself up and gave a cry when it pulled loose sending him sliding down on his knees.
“Billy!” Dominic called out, cautiously picking his way down, half sliding on his bottom. “Are you okay?”
Cursing himself for not paying attention, Billy stood up, brushing the pebbles and dirt from his hands and knees, more embarrassed than hurt. Bending over, he inspected a small hole in the knee of his jeans, noticing a little blood. “Ripped. Cut my knee. But otherwise, I’m fine.”
Dominic slung his daypack onto the ground and knelt in front of Billy.
“I’m fine. Don’t fuss.”
“Hush. Just let me look. I’ve got a first aid kit.”
“Always prepared.”
“Just like a scout.” Dominic carefully pulled the cuff of Billy’s trousers up past his knee and gently stroked his finger next to the thin cut. Unzipping his pack, he pulled out the small kit and opened it up.
“Hand me the bottle of water.”
Dominic handed it up and watched as Billy tipped his head back, taking a long draught. He lowered his eyes away from the neck he longed to taste and reached for an alcohol pad. “This’ll smart a bit.”
Billy nodded his head, dragging the back of his hand across his mouth. He grimaced when he felt the sting. He tapped the bottle against his leg and decided that it was as good a time as any to talk. “Dom?”
“Yeah?” Dominic folded the pad in half and dabbed at the cut.
“I, um…I think that maybe…” Billy stopped and looked down. Dominic was holding his calf in one hand, rubbing soothing patterns against the back of his leg, while gently blowing away the sting of the alcohol. All thoughts fled as he watched Dominic care for him so tenderly.
Noticing Billy’s silence, Dominic looked up and they stared at each for what seemed like an eternity. Finally breaking the silence, Dominic asked softly, “You were thinking what?”
A rumble of thunder had them both looking up just as raindrops started to fall. Dominic hurried to place a bandage over Billy’s knee and pulled down his trouser leg. He gathered everything into his pack before standing up. “There,” he said, pointing to a rock cropping several meters away. “We’ll have to hurry. Can you walk okay?”
“It’s a bloody scrape, Dom,” Billy said, almost offended at Dominic’s question. He wasn’t fragile or anything…on most days. “I told you it didn’t hurt much.”
Dominic narrowed his eyes, trying to decide if Billy was telling him the truth. To him, it looked as though it would hurt pretty badly. The rain, however, decided for him, as it began to pour steadily over their heads. He grabbed Billy’s hand and pulled him along behind, jumping a little at a sudden burst of lightening that lit up the sky around them.
Reaching the rocks, they saw a little alcove that would allow them to stay out of the rain. Once inside, they leaned back against the cold rock wall, quiet as they watched the small waterfall caused by the heavy rain.
They were mostly shielded from the cold wind but the temperature seemed to drop very quickly as they waited for the rain to stop. Billy shivered a bit, wrapping his arms around his chest. “This is what I call bad planning.”
“Yeah,” Dominic responded. Somewhat disappointed by the change in their plans, but also just glad to be with Billy at all. Anywhere. “Cold?”
“A little.”
“You want my jacket?”
“Then *you’ll* be cold,” Billy said, stepping forward to look past the rocks a bit, thinking about how peaceful it was. Being caught like that. He felt like they were the only two in the world. Remembering what he had to tell Dominic, he wished they could stay just as they were. Still, he knew it wasn’t fair to delay explaining. He had to tell Dominic the truth. That he just couldn’t do it. That he wasn’t ready to pursue that side of himself. He knew that things couldn’t go back to the way they were, being best mates, but hoped Dominic would understand. Suddenly, very cold, he unconsciously rubbed his hands against his arms.
Watching Billy rub his hands against his arms, looking colder than before, he thought about the night he and Billy had kissed. The moment seemed similar, because of the cold, yet different…they were already past the first kiss. He also thought about his conversation with Sean, worried that maybe he *had* pushed. That he wanted a relationship so much, that he was pressuring Billy into it just to please himself. His stomach knotted with the fear. But what he told Sean earlier was true. He loved Billy. Perhaps more than he had ever loved anyone in his entire life. And he considered that as being the main reason he should release Billy.
Pain filled Dominic’s mind at his resolution but he knew he couldn’t back down. He took a hesitant step. “Bill?”
Billy, immersed in his own thoughts didn’t answer Dominic’s soft call. He shivered again, lowering his sad eyes to the damp earth at his feet.
Dominic chewed on his lower lip, reaching a timid hand towards Billy’s arm before pulling it back. He watched as Billy’s shoulders shuddered again and reached his hand back out, resting it gently on his shoulder. He rubbed a soft circle then stepped closer, sliding his arm around to Billy’s waist. Feeling the cold skin of Billy’s arm against his hand, he stepped even closer, pulling him against his chest.
Feeling Dominic’s hand on his shoulder got Billy's attention. He held himself very still, Dominic encircling him, their bodies touching from shoulder to foot. He stiffened for a moment not sure how to react but craving the warmth Dominic offered. It was just like that day. The day when Dominic kissed him.
Dominic crossed one arm over Billy’s waist and with the other rubbed heat into his upper arm, his fingers sliding under the thin material of Billy's tee shirt. He felt Billy relax against him and rested his chin on Billy’s shoulder. They stood quietly, watching the rain from behind their small waterfall as it created small streams that flowed down the hillside.
Billy looked to where Dominic’s hand now covered his own on his bicep. The arguments flew from his mind as he looked at the slightly tanned fingers gently stroking his pale skin. He lifted his head and watched Dominic for a moment out of the corner of his eye. He raised and lowered his eyes more times than he meant to.
Feeling Billy fidget, Dominic turned to look at him and found that he was being watched in return. He lowered his head a bit, unsure but…he licks his own lips, yearning to place them on those so close. But then he remembered his decision. Remembered that he loves Billy too much to take advantage of him again.
Billy’s thoughts were blank. His world had condensed to this one moment. He watched as the tip of Dominic’s tongue darted out to moisten his lips. Saw that Dominic’s eyes were focused on his own mouth. The panic and the fear and the indecision have melted away. Everything seemed so very clear and he closed his eyes, leaning forward to close the distance between their mouths.
For a moment, the world stopped and neither moved, not wanting to disturb the soft pressing of lips.
It’s so different, Billy thought. So different, yet so very, very wonderful and familiar. Like having all the answers to every question asked. Like waking up on Christmas morning wrapped in a warm blanket. Like…home.
And then it’s ended and they once again looked at each other, but for Billy, it was like he was seeing Dominic in a whole new light.
“Are you okay?”
“No, Dom,” Billy answered breathlessly. “No. I’m scared to death.”
Dominic stepped away, dropping his arms. “I’m…I’m sorry. I…”
Billy stepped forward, putting one hand on Dominic’s arm to stop him from moving away. He brushed his fingertips over Dominic’s lips, over his cheek, over his eyebrow, quieting the apologies. How could he explain what he was feeling? He was scared but there was no turning back. He loved Dominic, loved him and couldn’t imagine missing that chance. But… Billy shook his head to clear his mind of doubts. Meeting Dominic’s eyes, he knew he should explain. But it was just too much. They could talk later.
Stroking his fingers over Dominic’s furrowed brow, he tried to soothe away his worries. Did he dare to kiss him again?
“Is everything all right? Are we all right, Billy?”
“Yeah. I think we are.”
Dominic grinned, that same feeling of insane happiness as he had felt talking with Sean that morning, returned.
Billy laughed. He felt it, felt awash in Dominic’s bliss.
Feeling as if a great burden had been removed, Dominic pressed close again. “Can I kiss you?”
Billy felt a chill run down his back, but not from the wind and rain this time. He hesitated only a moment before nodding his head. Closing his eyes, he waited.
Putting his hands on Billy’s hips, Dominic pulled him closer. He studied his upturned face for a moment, too excited and too happy and all other sorts of too’s. He moved his head towards Billy and ran a finger over his lips, sliding his fingertips down his neck, resting his thumb there to feel his rapid pulse.
Trembling, Billy felt Dominic’s warm breath against his lips, saying “Billy.” He wondered where to put his hands and if Dominic could feel how nervous he was. Then, as their lips came together, his mind cleared and his world narrowed once more to the feeling of Dominic’s lips on his. His hands lifted of their own accord to rest on Dominic’s back, pulling them closer still.
Dominic’s mind was buzzing. He felt as though every nerve-ending in his body was suddenly and exquisitely on fire. He drew his arms around Billy tighter, reaching up to press his hand to the back of Billy’s head.
Billy moaned into the kiss, kissing back, feeling his bottom lip stroked by Dominic’s tongue. He wanted to open up to Dominic, and so did. Tentatively. A slight parting.
Dominic tried to remind himself to go slow but the velvety warmth of Billy’s mouth undid him. He pushed, seeking to explore every part of Billy’s mouth, seeking out every taste.
“Dom,” Billy murmured into the kiss but Dominic was too far gone. “Dom…Dom!” he said more insistently, pulling away. “Stop for a minute.”
Dominic dragged his lips away, rested them against Billy’s forehead, breathing unsteady. “I’m sorry.”
“Quit apologizing.” Billy leaned his head up, cupping Dominic’s cheek. He smiled softly. It was right, he was sure but very, very different. “Slow. We need to take it slow.”
“I can do slow.” And that grin was back on Dominic’s face. He looked past Billy, trying to reconcile himself to slow. “The rain stopped.”
“Ah, it has,” Billy said, turning to see where their waterfall had become a trickle. “Did you want to go back?”
“No.” Dominic pulled Billy back into a tight embrace. “Let’s just…stay here for a while.”
Tbc…