Jan. 17th, 2011 04:53 pm
Fic: These Four Kings (Year Six 4/9)
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fox_confessorTitle: These Four Kings (Year Six 4/9)
Author: Dani (![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
escribo)
Word Count: 5242
Rating: PG-13
(Pairings: in the future will be Remus/Sirius, Lily/James)
Timeline: Late February 1977
Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No copyright infringement is intended. I've not made nor seek any profit.
Year 1: one/ two/ three/ four/ five/ six/ seven
Year 2: one/ two/ three/ four
Year 3: one/ two/three/four
Year 4 (coming in the future when work quits eating my brains! Sorry for the out-of-order-ness)
Year 5 one/ two/ three/ four/ five/ six/ seven/ eight
Year 6 one/ two/ three
Since the holidays, Lily had found it hard (harder) to concentrate. This year had been fraught, was the word that repeated in her head oh so unhelpfully. She was aware of Remus in a way she hadn't been before, and in turn he seemed... changed toward her--reserved, though she was sure that James hadn't told him about their conversation. Then there was James himself. He still teased and begged for dates--for the time of day--and she still refused him but with a tingling in her fingertips and a buzzing up and down her spine every time he looked in her direction. Alice would still insist that her voice seemed to have lost the same conviction she'd once held against the matter and she supposed she had. She couldn't unsee him now that her eyes were wide open. It was all so confusing. Nothing was as it once had been at school or at home, and the letter she held in her hands from her mum wasn't doing much to help with that.
It was the closest thing to a howler her mum could manage, filled with exclamation points and underlines and it's just so disappointing and I don't want this for my girls. They'd fought, Petunia and Lily, from the time Lily had come home until she'd left for the station with her dad. Her mum wanted Lily to heal the rift, as if she could--as if anyone could possibly reason with Petunia when she got into one of her moods. Lily wanted to know why she should always be the one to make the first move in any event, as it was Petunia who had started the whole mess--Petunia, who was the eldest and so should know better. Lily knew what her mother's answer to that argument would be, just like she knew she would try, eventually at least, maybe leaving it to the summer, which was still months and months away. She'd convinced herself it would be better to do it in person, though the decision did not leave her particularly comfortable. She only had to look across the room to where Severus sat determinedly not looking at her to be reminded of how awful she was at making up.
A sharp reprimand from Professor McGonagall cut across Lily's thoughts, startling her, and she quickly tucked her letter between the pages of her book. Alice nudged her in the side with her elbow before Lily realized it wasn't her at all who was being threatened with detention. She peeked over her shoulder, not daring to look too interested, and watched as Sirius Black crossed his arms over his chest, his sullen "no ma'am" barely above a whisper when Professor McGonagall asked him for apparently the second time if he'd like to spend the evening in detention.
Next to him, Remus flinched away, clearly embarrassed, and moved closer to James on his other side, nearly tipping his pot of ink. James deftly caught it before it could spill over their tabletop, and then put his hand on Remus' arm. Professor McGonagall turned from them at the sound of tittering from around the room, the result of a certain expectation for the Marauders to push their luck as they so often did, relying on their charm and their professor's good graces to stay mostly out of trouble. Both charm and grace seemed to be in short order that day and the laughter died away, replaced by the sound of nib on parchment as Professor McGonagall began her rapid fire lecture again.
Lily turned, too, though the words in her text book danced in front of her eyes and she quickly lost track of the notes she was meant to be taking. It was a full moon night, she knew, and she suspected that was why Professor McGonagall didn't give Sirius detention though she could hear he'd already begun his whispers again, sounding urgent though Lily could hear none of his words clearly. She turned again and saw that Remus was leaning into Sirius once more, a hungry look on his face that seemed more wolfish than Remus, and Lily shivered. Turning away before they could catch her, she found she wasn't the only one in the room interested and bit her lip as she watched Severus lean forward in his chair, his advantage better than hers.
For a quarter hour more, Lily struggled to listen to the lecture on dimensional transmutation and not think about Remus or Severus or James (who she really, really didn't want to think about at all though it was certainly nicer than remembering the things Petunia had said and the things that Severus thought and the things that Remus must be feeling). What made it harder was their professor seemed distracted herself, repeating her words and pacing the front of the room near the windows. When Lily thought she would fly out of her seat from the tension in the room and inside herself, Professor McGonagall stopped abruptly, looking around the room as if surprised to see her students still sitting quietly and expectantly, and dismissed them all (except for Remus) a full twenty minutes before class was meant to end.
Her class sat still and quiet, surprised, before she said, "Go on! Get out before I change my mind," and the room was filled with the sound of chairs scraping against the floor. Alice and Iana were the first out the door, laughing merrily at some joke, before Lily had sorted her book into her bag, frowning when she found that she'd let her quill create a large black stain in the middle of her parchment. Lily sighed and stood and looked again to see that Remus sat still in his chair with James and Sirius standing over him. They were deep in conversation, each with a hand to one of Remus' shoulders, oblivious, it seemed, to the way Remus twisted his hands nervously.
Lily tucked away her parchment and quill, wanting to see what would happen but not really willing to press her luck with their professor, who stood at her desk, impatiently rapping her knuckles against the top until even the tip of her hat quivered. It was then that Lily noticed Severus tarrying as well, his eyes still on the three boys, and Lily recognized the look on his face as one he would get when the answer to a problem seemed almost within reach--excited and eager but frustrated--impatient, too.
"Alone, if you wouldn't mind," Professor McGonagall said, and James nodded, grabbing his and Remus' bags. Sirius stood a moment longer, his hand now on the back of Remus' neck as he stared down at the top of Remus' head. He bent suddenly, whispering into Remus' ear and Remus nodded sharply, and then James and Sirius left the room with Severus following quickly on their heels.
"Did you have a question, Miss Evans?"
"No, ma'am," Lily whispered, discomfited to find herself alone with them when she hadn't meant to be the last to leave.
"Then please close the door on your way out."
"Yes, ma'am."
Lily had expected to find James and Sirius in the hall but they were nowhere to be seen. It was only Severus who lingered near the door, frowning deeply when Lily pulled it closed. Lily tilted her head, not surprised to find him there but disappointed in some way. She found herself tired of it all--irritated that this argument (if that's what it was at this point) with Severus was bound up in some way with her fight with Petunia and the strange relationship she had with Potter. She was tired of it, especially when it was so clear to her that Severus' interest lie with Remus rather repairing their own tattered friendship.
"Severus," she began, not knowing exactly what she meant to say but meaning to say it nonetheless.
"Evans," he drawled, going for the affectation of bored, an imitation of his Slytherin housemates--hadn't she heard it a thousand times from Regulus Black when he would deign to acknowledge her at all? Lily would have almost believed it if not for the way his eyes shone brightly, still keen on his hunt. "You'd best hurry before you're seen speaking to me. You wouldn't want that getting around."
"Don't be ridiculous."
"I know what your friends say about me, especially Potter. I've seen the way you act together."
"Of course you have. Everyone has. He's my partner for Potions since you've become a gigantic arse and we aren't speaking anymore."
"And Lupin," he said, ignoring her comment completely. "You've had your heads together a lot lately, and I know you're not partnering with him for anything, at least not until we choose partners for our Arithmancy project next week. I suppose it will be him if he's healthy enough to show to class."
"And what difference will it make to you what a mudblood and a half-breed do?"
"Lily--" Severus began, his voice soft, all his pretensions dropped.
"No. No apologies. You said you were done with them when I wouldn't accept them last year. Why do you care now?"
"Are you interested in him?"
"He's my friend," Lily said, crossing her arms over her chest. "You were the one who always assumed it was more. Why him? Why not Potter?"
"Lupin seems more your type," Severus answered, still pained, it sounded to Lily's ears, to be reminded of this old argument. He turned from her slightly, considering, his hair slipping from behind his ear to fall into his eyes. "Your type," he said again, looking back up at her. "Even if you're apparently not his type at all."
"I wasn't aware that I had a specific type. Besides, I think I show a great deal less interest in him than you have lately." Severus took a step back, his mouth falling open, and Lily couldn't help but feeling a small victory at it. "Maybe he's your type. That is what you meant, isn't it?"
"You know what my thoughts are about Lupin--you even shared them once."
"I was wrong. We were both wrong." Lily, surprised at how easily the lie had come, smiled at him to hide her nerves over what he had said, her thick hair swinging in a sheet over her shoulder. She leaned in to Severus to press her advantage and tugged on the sleeve to his robe. "We're friends, Severus. I have lots of friends, James and Remus amongst them. Just friends, like we were once."
"Not like us."
"No," she admitted. "Not like us. I do miss you, Sev."
"You wouldn't forgive me."
"What you said was unforgivable, and I still don't like your friends. They've been a bad influence."
"I could say the same about your friends."
"You're only talking about Potter and Black, I hope, and they're not bad, not like--"
"You've no idea, I think, what they're capable of, the four of them combined. Lupin, for example," Severus spat out as he stepped away from Lily.
"This again," Lily said, and it was her turn to try to sound bored this time.
Severus pointed his finger at the closed door to the Transfiguration room, his voice becoming a hiss. "I know what he is. He's filled with all sorts of madness, and yet you're worried about dark magic and dark thoughts amongst my friends."
"I told you, Severus. You're wrong about Remus." Lily was suddenly afraid at the gleam in Severus' eyes, which glittered like black beetles at the secret he thought he kept, and she wrapped her arms around her chest, chilled.
"That little friend of theirs told me everything I needed to know to figure it out months ago."
"Peter?"
"Oh yes. He meant it as a joke, I know, but he's not clever enough for that, is he. He knew he said too much and that I saw right through him, going on about grims and other such nonsense. As soon as I have proof Remus Lupin will be expelled from Hogwarts, Potter and Black, too, if I can help it, and then you'll see that I was right about them."
"Lily!"
Lily jerked her head back, surprised to see Iana and Alice at the end of the hall, beckoning for her. Severus cleared his throat and shifted his bag on his shoulder where he held onto the strap with both hands. A lank of hair fell into his eyes again and he took a step back, away from her and into the shadows.
"Severus, please," she pleaded as she turned back toward him. "You're wrong about Remus. Just tell me what Peter said. I'm sure there's an explanation."
"You'll find out soon. The whole school will find out."
"Severus--"
"Good thing we came along," Iana said as she flanked Lily on one side and Alice on the other. "That's right. Go ahead and leave, Snape. No one wants you here."
"Iana!" Lily whispered urgently as Severus narrowed his eyes at them and then swept down the hall, his thin robes noticeably too short for him as he moved away. Lily elbowed Iana when she would laugh at him. "You don't have to be so rude."
"Oh come on, Lily. After what he said to you last year?"
"He was my friend once."
"Was, though how you were ever friends with that slimy git, I'll never know."
"Okay, okay--just stop," Alice said. "Let's not talk about him. What are you doing here anyway? We thought you'd gone to class already."
"Never mind class. James told me that if I got you to agree to go to the next Hogsmeade with him that he'd get Sirius to take me," Iana said. She stopped Alice and Lily by tugging on Lily's arm, a far away look in her eyes. "Can you imagine? Sirius Black."
"I thought Black was still dating that Ravenclaw, Mary," Alice said. "They've been together for ages."
"Broke up, didn't they. I heard she was mad because he spent all his time with his friends." Iana ran to catch up with Lily when she finally noticed that Lily had shaken herself loose. "Besides, I heard he only ever dated her because she was Muggle born and it would make his family mad."
"I'm sure not," Lily said.
"I'm Muggle born and will do just as well if it is true. I'm better besides because it doesn't matter to me if he wanted to spend time with his friends, especially if you were going out with James."
"Forget it, Iana."
"Why not? He's crazy about you." Iana sighed and linked arms with Lily. "Just think about it, Lily. He's grown up loads since last year, even you said it, and besides, it would be lots of fun! We could find someone for Remus and Peter, too, I guess. It'd be best if Alice would date Remus and then we'd only have to worry about Peter, but she only has eyes for Longbottom, don't you, Alice."
"I don't!"
"You do, too. Look. There's James and Sirius now." Iana let go of Lily and pushed through the door and into the courtyard, leaving her friends to trail behind her.
It was cold and the wind swirled beneath their robes and made them billow out. Alice leaned in closer to Lily as they followed in Iana's wake. James, Peter, and Sirius stood huddled against the far wall, their heads together, listening as James talked. They didn't notice the girls at all until Iana ran up to them, her voice loud as she grabbed Sirius' arm. "C'mon Black. We heard you during Transfiguration, didn't we, Lily?"
There was a moment of silence between the boys, both Peter and Sirius looking to James and James looking sharply to Iana. Lily noticed that Sirius paled some, his mouth opening and closing before James only just barely shook his head to stop whatever he was going to say. Lily watched them, knowing somehow that they must have been talking about Remus.
"I didn't hear anything other than Professor McGonagall offering a round of detentions," Lily said quickly, blushing when James beamed at her. "I had no desire to take her up on it."
"I've no idea what you're on about, Lily. It's well known that Minerva fancies both Sirius and me. Can't decide between us, can she? His rakish good looks or my charm." James turned his smile on Sirius, tugging at his tie. "Or is that my looks and your charm. Hard to keep it straight."
"Never mind all that. You're planning something, the pair of you." Iana let go of Sirius and curled herself into James' side, clinging to his arm as she batted her eyelashes at him. "Let us in on it. Please? We're good for an adventure."
"Leave me and Alice out of it," Lily said, and she laughed with Alice though she prickled at the sight of James looking down at Iana in a way she'd seen from him often enough herself. Worse was the pleasure she took when James extracted himself from Iana.
"Maybe some other time. We do hate to deny such lovely witches the pleasure of our company," James said but he was looking at Lily. Lily caught herself unconsciously straightening the collar of her robe and dropped her hands before nervously reaching to tug at the ends of her scarf. James grinned and winked at her, and Lily pressed her hand to her stomach, wishing it wouldn't flop so, especially when he was being irritating--not charming. She couldn't imagine why she'd ever told Severus that they were friends.
Iana didn't notice anything, though, and only leaned in close to James again to press her case. Lily was saved from watching when some other Gryffindor and Hufflepuff students tumbled out of the castle and into the courtyard for their break between classes. Alice tugged on Lily's hand when Frank Longbottom showed up, laughing loudly at some joke but looking in their direction. They left Iana to the boys to join Frank's group but Lily couldn't focus on their conversation for looking over her shoulder to where James stood.
They'd been joined by Sabine and some other girls in their year, their group laughing and talking so loudly that nobody seemed to notice when Remus came out and headed directly for Sirius, or watched as he fumbled through the pockets of Sirius' robes. Nobody except Lily of course, who also saw the way Remus' hands shook as he struggled to light the cigarette he'd found. Sirius barely broke his conversation as he took the lighter from Remus' hands and lit it for him, inhaling deeply before passing it back.
Remus leaned against the wall, hidden mostly by Sirius and then James as James moved to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Sirius. Peter stood in the middle of their group, gesturing wildly as he told some story, only a few words of which made their way to Lily. Lily watched for a moment, no longer listening or needed as Alice flirted with Frank. When she heard Frank mention Hogsmeade, Lily stepped around them and went to talk to Remus, who was still hiding behind Sirius, the cigarette burned down nearly to his fingertips.
"I didn't know you smoked," she said as she rested her shoulder next to his. Sirius turned his head slightly, enough to show her that he knew she was there, that he was listening, too.
"I don't," Remus said. His lips barely twitched into a smile that fell away just as quickly. "Sirius is the one with bad habits."
"Ah."
"You won't tell?"
"Of course not. You didn't tell when you found me out-of-bounds the other night."
"You never did tell me what you were doing."
"Listening to Iana, which always gets me into trouble."
"I can definitely understand that." Remus took the last bit of his cigarette and dropped it to the ground, grinding it out with his boot heel before vanishing it with his wand. He picked up his bag from where it lay on the ground next to James and gave her a real smile this time, though it, too, never made it to his eyes. "There, it's done anyway. I'm headed to class. Would you like to walk with me?"
Lily nodded and took his arm, suddenly glad to be away from Iana's giggles and James' teasings (not directed at her for a change, not that it mattered). She was cold and tired, and inexplicably sad to see the dark circles beneath Remus' eyes. They hadn't gone more than a few steps when Sirius stopped them by catching his hand at Remus' elbow.
"I thought you were going back up to the room," he said, his voice low and rough, sounding nearly as sullen as he had in class.
"I told you after lunch, Sirius, when I have a break. I'm fine, really."
"You didn't tell me what McGonagall wanted." Sirius glanced at Lily, dismissing her, before he focused on Remus again. For a moment, Lily actually thought she should go though she knew that a year ago she would have told Sirius to bugger off. Remus, though, patted her hand to keep her still and at his side.
"We'll talk about it later."
"Arse. I'll walk with you and you can tell me now."
"You'll be late to Runes."
"Barely."
"We're on opposite sides of the castle. Go on, Black, and I'll see you at lunch."
"Don't be stupid. I'll walk with you," Sirius insisted before his voice turned soft and pleading. "Let me come with."
"I told you I'm fine."
"Don't--"
"It's okay, Black. I'll watch after him." Lily forced a laugh when Sirius narrowed his eyes to her. "See? I don't scare so easily."
Remus did laugh then, and followed Lily out of the courtyard, only looking back once though Lily didn't dare it herself. She didn't scare easily, and she certainly wasn't afraid of Sirius Black, but he made her nervous or..., she wasn't sure. Something. She remembered the time in fourth year when she'd had a crush on Sirius for precisely one week, it was about all she could stand, because he was too intense, even then. He took everything too seriously and yet not seriously enough, and she suspected he would love too hard, though Alice had only giggled nervously when Lily had said that out loud. Too much poetry, she'd said, but then Alice was practical like that, her only flights of fancy involved Longbottom and even then she was not given to being terribly romantic over him. Lily was quite sure she wasn't being romantic over Sirius.
Once they were back in the castle, Lily laughed a little more brightly than perhaps was strictly necessary at the jokes Remus barely made, but then he didn't really seem to notice. Once they were in class, he became distracted again, and so did she when she saw that Severus was huddled with Avery and Mulciber. She had no time to think about them, though, as Professor Vector swept into the room and immediately set them problems as practice.
It was nearly the end of class before Lily looked up again and met Severus' eyes. The room had been quiet but seemed somehow too still. Their professor had gone, the open door showing him in the hall where he stood talking with that year's Dark Art's teacher, Professor Kersid. Their were rumors about the two of them, mostly started by Iana, who disliked both Vector and Kersid. As Lily watched Kersid lean into Vector, her eyes arranged in some parody of seduction over their short, squat Arithmancy professor, Lily knew Iana would find a triumph here. Lily turned to grin at Remus, knowing he must have seen Iana's imitation of them, but found instead that Remus was curiously focused on a point somewhere in front of him, his work having fluttered to the floor though his fingers curled tightly around his quill. His lips were moving, as if he were talking without sound.
"Remus?" Lily whispered and reached her hand to touch his shoulder.
"Leave him be, Lily," Severus whispered back and several of their nearest classmates turned away from the show in the hall to look their way.
"What's wrong with him?"
"Loony Lupin's finally gone mad, hasn't he," Mulciber whispered.
At those words, Lily looked back at Severus. "You cursed him? Is this what you meant?"
Next to him, Theophilus Avery curled his lips into a cruel smile. "Everyone will see him for what he is now."
"What did you do to him? Make it stop, Severus!"
"I didn't do anything."
"Avery and Mulciber, then."
"You can’t blame us for Lupin’s weaknesses. It's bad blood, Evans."
"Stop it. Severus, help him. You can't--"
"I think you'll find that I can."
Next to her, Remus shut his eyes and twisted his head to the side, his lips still moving. His hand clutched at his desk, his knuckles gone white. His quill feather bent and snapped.
"Remus?"
"I'm okay, Lily," he whispered.
"What is going on here?" Professor Vector asked as he came back into the room. He stood near the door next to Iana, her cheeks bright pink as she stared at Lily. "Mr. Lupin? Miss Evans? Explain yourselves."
"It was Mulciber, sir," Iana said. "He started it."
Nobody said anything. Avery and Mulciber stared down at their desks, Mulciber sliding his wand out of sight into his sleeve. Next to them Severus straightened in his chair and turned his face from Lily. She looked instead to Remus, who sat trembling, sweat on his forehead as he smoothed out the broken feather of his quill.
"Started what, Miss Halley?"
"I'm not sure, sir. Only just--" Lily watched as Remus gave a sharp shake of his head and Iana's words trailed off. "I'm not sure," she said again.
"Mr. Lupin?" Professor Vector asked again and again Remus shook his head. "Mr. Avery? You're always quite keen to give out the answers. No? Since no one seems to know what happened but everyone seems to have had time to participate, everyone may have part of the punishment. Finish the even problem sets between pages 192 and 200."
"It was just a joke, sir," Avery finally said.
"If you have time for jokes, Mr. Avery, then you have time to work as well. Finish all of the problem sets between pages 192 and 200. Before the next class. That's all. You're dismissed."
Remus stood with some effort amidst the grumblings of his fellow classmates and the sound of chairs scraping across the floor and bags being opened and closed. Lily reached for him again but he stopped her with a raised hand. "I'm alright, Lily."
"Maybe you should go to the infirmary, Remus."
"No," he said, his face tightly controlled now though pale. "I'm okay. Only just tired."
"What did they do to you?"
"It was just a prank. Revenge, right?"
"For what?"
"Perhaps you should ask Potter and Black to list their crimes," Severus hissed.
"Severus--" Lily called but Severus didn't stop walking away from them.
Remus was still shaking, his eyes distant, but he brushed off Lily's concern with soft, gentle words and a strange, faraway smile that fell from his lips almost immediately. She remembered he had been the same way earlier, after Transfiguration, and almost convinced herself that the whole incident had been nothing--had almost never happened. Lily walked to the Great Hall by herself, though she knew Alice and Iana followed her closely. She started to sit in her same spot at the table but saw James and went to sit next to him instead. James stopped talking mid-sentence, his hand, raised in some gesture, hung in the air as he turned to look at her.
"Did Evans actually just sit next to me of her own free will?" he asked Sirius.
"Where's Remus?"
"He said he wasn't hungry," Lily said. "He was going back up to the tower."
"Wanker," Sirius mumbled as he stabbed a piece of potato on his plate. "I told him to stay there to begin with."
"He didn't look well. He said--" Lily faltered, looking across the Great Hall to where Severus sat at the Slytherin table. She knew Sirius would take revenge if she said anything and her mouth worked around it. "He said he might be getting sick, or something," she said, stumbling over her words. Finally, she put her hands flat on the table and looked up at Sirius. "He looked really bad when I left him. I think something was really wrong."
Sirius didn't answer her or ask any questions. He only just dropped his fork and stood, walking out of the Great Hall without looking back and taking off at a run once he got to the doors. Lily watched him, her hands shaking, until he was gone.
"Did something happen, Lily?" James asked.
"Yes. In Arithmancy."
"Something with Remus?"
"Avery and Mulciber. And. Snape," she forced herself to say. "They placed a curse on him. It made him so strange. He fought it and they released him when Vector came back in but, I don't know. He said he was just tired but I don't know."
Before Lily could finish, James was out of his seat and taking off at a run for Gryffindor Tower, leaving her with Peter. Lily folded her hands in her lap and looked down at her empty plate, no longer hungry.
"He'll be okay, Lily," Peter said. "He always is."
"Severus said," Lily began, and then swallowed back her words. She turned to Peter, blinking around sudden tears. "Snape said that you played a prank on him a few months ago. That he knew now. That he knows, Peter."
Peter turned ashen and stood as well. "James will take care of it," he said. He smoothed down his robes, chancing a look to the Slytherin table, paling considerably. "He'll know what to do."
Lily watched as Peter left the Great Hall as well, moving much slower than either Sirius or James had. She sat by herself for a long time before she dug her mother's letter out and read the it's just so disappointing's and I don't want this for my girls's again, the page blurring but she felt somehow comforted by the pink stationary and her mum's careful handwriting--by the way that she said I love you at the end. Lily thought again of Peter's words, James will take care of it and somehow that comforted her, too. He would make sure everything was okay if Peter told him. She hoped he told him, but even if he didn't, it was easy to convince herself that it would still be okay.
Next
Author: Dani (
escribo)
Word Count: 5242
Rating: PG-13
(Pairings: in the future will be Remus/Sirius, Lily/James)
Timeline: Late February 1977
Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No copyright infringement is intended. I've not made nor seek any profit.
Year 1: one/ two/ three/ four/ five/ six/ seven
Year 2: one/ two/ three/ four
Year 3: one/ two/three/four
Year 4 (coming in the future when work quits eating my brains! Sorry for the out-of-order-ness)
Year 5 one/ two/ three/ four/ five/ six/ seven/ eight
Year 6 one/ two/ three
Since the holidays, Lily had found it hard (harder) to concentrate. This year had been fraught, was the word that repeated in her head oh so unhelpfully. She was aware of Remus in a way she hadn't been before, and in turn he seemed... changed toward her--reserved, though she was sure that James hadn't told him about their conversation. Then there was James himself. He still teased and begged for dates--for the time of day--and she still refused him but with a tingling in her fingertips and a buzzing up and down her spine every time he looked in her direction. Alice would still insist that her voice seemed to have lost the same conviction she'd once held against the matter and she supposed she had. She couldn't unsee him now that her eyes were wide open. It was all so confusing. Nothing was as it once had been at school or at home, and the letter she held in her hands from her mum wasn't doing much to help with that.
It was the closest thing to a howler her mum could manage, filled with exclamation points and underlines and it's just so disappointing and I don't want this for my girls. They'd fought, Petunia and Lily, from the time Lily had come home until she'd left for the station with her dad. Her mum wanted Lily to heal the rift, as if she could--as if anyone could possibly reason with Petunia when she got into one of her moods. Lily wanted to know why she should always be the one to make the first move in any event, as it was Petunia who had started the whole mess--Petunia, who was the eldest and so should know better. Lily knew what her mother's answer to that argument would be, just like she knew she would try, eventually at least, maybe leaving it to the summer, which was still months and months away. She'd convinced herself it would be better to do it in person, though the decision did not leave her particularly comfortable. She only had to look across the room to where Severus sat determinedly not looking at her to be reminded of how awful she was at making up.
A sharp reprimand from Professor McGonagall cut across Lily's thoughts, startling her, and she quickly tucked her letter between the pages of her book. Alice nudged her in the side with her elbow before Lily realized it wasn't her at all who was being threatened with detention. She peeked over her shoulder, not daring to look too interested, and watched as Sirius Black crossed his arms over his chest, his sullen "no ma'am" barely above a whisper when Professor McGonagall asked him for apparently the second time if he'd like to spend the evening in detention.
Next to him, Remus flinched away, clearly embarrassed, and moved closer to James on his other side, nearly tipping his pot of ink. James deftly caught it before it could spill over their tabletop, and then put his hand on Remus' arm. Professor McGonagall turned from them at the sound of tittering from around the room, the result of a certain expectation for the Marauders to push their luck as they so often did, relying on their charm and their professor's good graces to stay mostly out of trouble. Both charm and grace seemed to be in short order that day and the laughter died away, replaced by the sound of nib on parchment as Professor McGonagall began her rapid fire lecture again.
Lily turned, too, though the words in her text book danced in front of her eyes and she quickly lost track of the notes she was meant to be taking. It was a full moon night, she knew, and she suspected that was why Professor McGonagall didn't give Sirius detention though she could hear he'd already begun his whispers again, sounding urgent though Lily could hear none of his words clearly. She turned again and saw that Remus was leaning into Sirius once more, a hungry look on his face that seemed more wolfish than Remus, and Lily shivered. Turning away before they could catch her, she found she wasn't the only one in the room interested and bit her lip as she watched Severus lean forward in his chair, his advantage better than hers.
For a quarter hour more, Lily struggled to listen to the lecture on dimensional transmutation and not think about Remus or Severus or James (who she really, really didn't want to think about at all though it was certainly nicer than remembering the things Petunia had said and the things that Severus thought and the things that Remus must be feeling). What made it harder was their professor seemed distracted herself, repeating her words and pacing the front of the room near the windows. When Lily thought she would fly out of her seat from the tension in the room and inside herself, Professor McGonagall stopped abruptly, looking around the room as if surprised to see her students still sitting quietly and expectantly, and dismissed them all (except for Remus) a full twenty minutes before class was meant to end.
Her class sat still and quiet, surprised, before she said, "Go on! Get out before I change my mind," and the room was filled with the sound of chairs scraping against the floor. Alice and Iana were the first out the door, laughing merrily at some joke, before Lily had sorted her book into her bag, frowning when she found that she'd let her quill create a large black stain in the middle of her parchment. Lily sighed and stood and looked again to see that Remus sat still in his chair with James and Sirius standing over him. They were deep in conversation, each with a hand to one of Remus' shoulders, oblivious, it seemed, to the way Remus twisted his hands nervously.
Lily tucked away her parchment and quill, wanting to see what would happen but not really willing to press her luck with their professor, who stood at her desk, impatiently rapping her knuckles against the top until even the tip of her hat quivered. It was then that Lily noticed Severus tarrying as well, his eyes still on the three boys, and Lily recognized the look on his face as one he would get when the answer to a problem seemed almost within reach--excited and eager but frustrated--impatient, too.
"Alone, if you wouldn't mind," Professor McGonagall said, and James nodded, grabbing his and Remus' bags. Sirius stood a moment longer, his hand now on the back of Remus' neck as he stared down at the top of Remus' head. He bent suddenly, whispering into Remus' ear and Remus nodded sharply, and then James and Sirius left the room with Severus following quickly on their heels.
"Did you have a question, Miss Evans?"
"No, ma'am," Lily whispered, discomfited to find herself alone with them when she hadn't meant to be the last to leave.
"Then please close the door on your way out."
"Yes, ma'am."
Lily had expected to find James and Sirius in the hall but they were nowhere to be seen. It was only Severus who lingered near the door, frowning deeply when Lily pulled it closed. Lily tilted her head, not surprised to find him there but disappointed in some way. She found herself tired of it all--irritated that this argument (if that's what it was at this point) with Severus was bound up in some way with her fight with Petunia and the strange relationship she had with Potter. She was tired of it, especially when it was so clear to her that Severus' interest lie with Remus rather repairing their own tattered friendship.
"Severus," she began, not knowing exactly what she meant to say but meaning to say it nonetheless.
"Evans," he drawled, going for the affectation of bored, an imitation of his Slytherin housemates--hadn't she heard it a thousand times from Regulus Black when he would deign to acknowledge her at all? Lily would have almost believed it if not for the way his eyes shone brightly, still keen on his hunt. "You'd best hurry before you're seen speaking to me. You wouldn't want that getting around."
"Don't be ridiculous."
"I know what your friends say about me, especially Potter. I've seen the way you act together."
"Of course you have. Everyone has. He's my partner for Potions since you've become a gigantic arse and we aren't speaking anymore."
"And Lupin," he said, ignoring her comment completely. "You've had your heads together a lot lately, and I know you're not partnering with him for anything, at least not until we choose partners for our Arithmancy project next week. I suppose it will be him if he's healthy enough to show to class."
"And what difference will it make to you what a mudblood and a half-breed do?"
"Lily--" Severus began, his voice soft, all his pretensions dropped.
"No. No apologies. You said you were done with them when I wouldn't accept them last year. Why do you care now?"
"Are you interested in him?"
"He's my friend," Lily said, crossing her arms over her chest. "You were the one who always assumed it was more. Why him? Why not Potter?"
"Lupin seems more your type," Severus answered, still pained, it sounded to Lily's ears, to be reminded of this old argument. He turned from her slightly, considering, his hair slipping from behind his ear to fall into his eyes. "Your type," he said again, looking back up at her. "Even if you're apparently not his type at all."
"I wasn't aware that I had a specific type. Besides, I think I show a great deal less interest in him than you have lately." Severus took a step back, his mouth falling open, and Lily couldn't help but feeling a small victory at it. "Maybe he's your type. That is what you meant, isn't it?"
"You know what my thoughts are about Lupin--you even shared them once."
"I was wrong. We were both wrong." Lily, surprised at how easily the lie had come, smiled at him to hide her nerves over what he had said, her thick hair swinging in a sheet over her shoulder. She leaned in to Severus to press her advantage and tugged on the sleeve to his robe. "We're friends, Severus. I have lots of friends, James and Remus amongst them. Just friends, like we were once."
"Not like us."
"No," she admitted. "Not like us. I do miss you, Sev."
"You wouldn't forgive me."
"What you said was unforgivable, and I still don't like your friends. They've been a bad influence."
"I could say the same about your friends."
"You're only talking about Potter and Black, I hope, and they're not bad, not like--"
"You've no idea, I think, what they're capable of, the four of them combined. Lupin, for example," Severus spat out as he stepped away from Lily.
"This again," Lily said, and it was her turn to try to sound bored this time.
Severus pointed his finger at the closed door to the Transfiguration room, his voice becoming a hiss. "I know what he is. He's filled with all sorts of madness, and yet you're worried about dark magic and dark thoughts amongst my friends."
"I told you, Severus. You're wrong about Remus." Lily was suddenly afraid at the gleam in Severus' eyes, which glittered like black beetles at the secret he thought he kept, and she wrapped her arms around her chest, chilled.
"That little friend of theirs told me everything I needed to know to figure it out months ago."
"Peter?"
"Oh yes. He meant it as a joke, I know, but he's not clever enough for that, is he. He knew he said too much and that I saw right through him, going on about grims and other such nonsense. As soon as I have proof Remus Lupin will be expelled from Hogwarts, Potter and Black, too, if I can help it, and then you'll see that I was right about them."
"Lily!"
Lily jerked her head back, surprised to see Iana and Alice at the end of the hall, beckoning for her. Severus cleared his throat and shifted his bag on his shoulder where he held onto the strap with both hands. A lank of hair fell into his eyes again and he took a step back, away from her and into the shadows.
"Severus, please," she pleaded as she turned back toward him. "You're wrong about Remus. Just tell me what Peter said. I'm sure there's an explanation."
"You'll find out soon. The whole school will find out."
"Severus--"
"Good thing we came along," Iana said as she flanked Lily on one side and Alice on the other. "That's right. Go ahead and leave, Snape. No one wants you here."
"Iana!" Lily whispered urgently as Severus narrowed his eyes at them and then swept down the hall, his thin robes noticeably too short for him as he moved away. Lily elbowed Iana when she would laugh at him. "You don't have to be so rude."
"Oh come on, Lily. After what he said to you last year?"
"He was my friend once."
"Was, though how you were ever friends with that slimy git, I'll never know."
"Okay, okay--just stop," Alice said. "Let's not talk about him. What are you doing here anyway? We thought you'd gone to class already."
"Never mind class. James told me that if I got you to agree to go to the next Hogsmeade with him that he'd get Sirius to take me," Iana said. She stopped Alice and Lily by tugging on Lily's arm, a far away look in her eyes. "Can you imagine? Sirius Black."
"I thought Black was still dating that Ravenclaw, Mary," Alice said. "They've been together for ages."
"Broke up, didn't they. I heard she was mad because he spent all his time with his friends." Iana ran to catch up with Lily when she finally noticed that Lily had shaken herself loose. "Besides, I heard he only ever dated her because she was Muggle born and it would make his family mad."
"I'm sure not," Lily said.
"I'm Muggle born and will do just as well if it is true. I'm better besides because it doesn't matter to me if he wanted to spend time with his friends, especially if you were going out with James."
"Forget it, Iana."
"Why not? He's crazy about you." Iana sighed and linked arms with Lily. "Just think about it, Lily. He's grown up loads since last year, even you said it, and besides, it would be lots of fun! We could find someone for Remus and Peter, too, I guess. It'd be best if Alice would date Remus and then we'd only have to worry about Peter, but she only has eyes for Longbottom, don't you, Alice."
"I don't!"
"You do, too. Look. There's James and Sirius now." Iana let go of Lily and pushed through the door and into the courtyard, leaving her friends to trail behind her.
It was cold and the wind swirled beneath their robes and made them billow out. Alice leaned in closer to Lily as they followed in Iana's wake. James, Peter, and Sirius stood huddled against the far wall, their heads together, listening as James talked. They didn't notice the girls at all until Iana ran up to them, her voice loud as she grabbed Sirius' arm. "C'mon Black. We heard you during Transfiguration, didn't we, Lily?"
There was a moment of silence between the boys, both Peter and Sirius looking to James and James looking sharply to Iana. Lily noticed that Sirius paled some, his mouth opening and closing before James only just barely shook his head to stop whatever he was going to say. Lily watched them, knowing somehow that they must have been talking about Remus.
"I didn't hear anything other than Professor McGonagall offering a round of detentions," Lily said quickly, blushing when James beamed at her. "I had no desire to take her up on it."
"I've no idea what you're on about, Lily. It's well known that Minerva fancies both Sirius and me. Can't decide between us, can she? His rakish good looks or my charm." James turned his smile on Sirius, tugging at his tie. "Or is that my looks and your charm. Hard to keep it straight."
"Never mind all that. You're planning something, the pair of you." Iana let go of Sirius and curled herself into James' side, clinging to his arm as she batted her eyelashes at him. "Let us in on it. Please? We're good for an adventure."
"Leave me and Alice out of it," Lily said, and she laughed with Alice though she prickled at the sight of James looking down at Iana in a way she'd seen from him often enough herself. Worse was the pleasure she took when James extracted himself from Iana.
"Maybe some other time. We do hate to deny such lovely witches the pleasure of our company," James said but he was looking at Lily. Lily caught herself unconsciously straightening the collar of her robe and dropped her hands before nervously reaching to tug at the ends of her scarf. James grinned and winked at her, and Lily pressed her hand to her stomach, wishing it wouldn't flop so, especially when he was being irritating--not charming. She couldn't imagine why she'd ever told Severus that they were friends.
Iana didn't notice anything, though, and only leaned in close to James again to press her case. Lily was saved from watching when some other Gryffindor and Hufflepuff students tumbled out of the castle and into the courtyard for their break between classes. Alice tugged on Lily's hand when Frank Longbottom showed up, laughing loudly at some joke but looking in their direction. They left Iana to the boys to join Frank's group but Lily couldn't focus on their conversation for looking over her shoulder to where James stood.
They'd been joined by Sabine and some other girls in their year, their group laughing and talking so loudly that nobody seemed to notice when Remus came out and headed directly for Sirius, or watched as he fumbled through the pockets of Sirius' robes. Nobody except Lily of course, who also saw the way Remus' hands shook as he struggled to light the cigarette he'd found. Sirius barely broke his conversation as he took the lighter from Remus' hands and lit it for him, inhaling deeply before passing it back.
Remus leaned against the wall, hidden mostly by Sirius and then James as James moved to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Sirius. Peter stood in the middle of their group, gesturing wildly as he told some story, only a few words of which made their way to Lily. Lily watched for a moment, no longer listening or needed as Alice flirted with Frank. When she heard Frank mention Hogsmeade, Lily stepped around them and went to talk to Remus, who was still hiding behind Sirius, the cigarette burned down nearly to his fingertips.
"I didn't know you smoked," she said as she rested her shoulder next to his. Sirius turned his head slightly, enough to show her that he knew she was there, that he was listening, too.
"I don't," Remus said. His lips barely twitched into a smile that fell away just as quickly. "Sirius is the one with bad habits."
"Ah."
"You won't tell?"
"Of course not. You didn't tell when you found me out-of-bounds the other night."
"You never did tell me what you were doing."
"Listening to Iana, which always gets me into trouble."
"I can definitely understand that." Remus took the last bit of his cigarette and dropped it to the ground, grinding it out with his boot heel before vanishing it with his wand. He picked up his bag from where it lay on the ground next to James and gave her a real smile this time, though it, too, never made it to his eyes. "There, it's done anyway. I'm headed to class. Would you like to walk with me?"
Lily nodded and took his arm, suddenly glad to be away from Iana's giggles and James' teasings (not directed at her for a change, not that it mattered). She was cold and tired, and inexplicably sad to see the dark circles beneath Remus' eyes. They hadn't gone more than a few steps when Sirius stopped them by catching his hand at Remus' elbow.
"I thought you were going back up to the room," he said, his voice low and rough, sounding nearly as sullen as he had in class.
"I told you after lunch, Sirius, when I have a break. I'm fine, really."
"You didn't tell me what McGonagall wanted." Sirius glanced at Lily, dismissing her, before he focused on Remus again. For a moment, Lily actually thought she should go though she knew that a year ago she would have told Sirius to bugger off. Remus, though, patted her hand to keep her still and at his side.
"We'll talk about it later."
"Arse. I'll walk with you and you can tell me now."
"You'll be late to Runes."
"Barely."
"We're on opposite sides of the castle. Go on, Black, and I'll see you at lunch."
"Don't be stupid. I'll walk with you," Sirius insisted before his voice turned soft and pleading. "Let me come with."
"I told you I'm fine."
"Don't--"
"It's okay, Black. I'll watch after him." Lily forced a laugh when Sirius narrowed his eyes to her. "See? I don't scare so easily."
Remus did laugh then, and followed Lily out of the courtyard, only looking back once though Lily didn't dare it herself. She didn't scare easily, and she certainly wasn't afraid of Sirius Black, but he made her nervous or..., she wasn't sure. Something. She remembered the time in fourth year when she'd had a crush on Sirius for precisely one week, it was about all she could stand, because he was too intense, even then. He took everything too seriously and yet not seriously enough, and she suspected he would love too hard, though Alice had only giggled nervously when Lily had said that out loud. Too much poetry, she'd said, but then Alice was practical like that, her only flights of fancy involved Longbottom and even then she was not given to being terribly romantic over him. Lily was quite sure she wasn't being romantic over Sirius.
Once they were back in the castle, Lily laughed a little more brightly than perhaps was strictly necessary at the jokes Remus barely made, but then he didn't really seem to notice. Once they were in class, he became distracted again, and so did she when she saw that Severus was huddled with Avery and Mulciber. She had no time to think about them, though, as Professor Vector swept into the room and immediately set them problems as practice.
It was nearly the end of class before Lily looked up again and met Severus' eyes. The room had been quiet but seemed somehow too still. Their professor had gone, the open door showing him in the hall where he stood talking with that year's Dark Art's teacher, Professor Kersid. Their were rumors about the two of them, mostly started by Iana, who disliked both Vector and Kersid. As Lily watched Kersid lean into Vector, her eyes arranged in some parody of seduction over their short, squat Arithmancy professor, Lily knew Iana would find a triumph here. Lily turned to grin at Remus, knowing he must have seen Iana's imitation of them, but found instead that Remus was curiously focused on a point somewhere in front of him, his work having fluttered to the floor though his fingers curled tightly around his quill. His lips were moving, as if he were talking without sound.
"Remus?" Lily whispered and reached her hand to touch his shoulder.
"Leave him be, Lily," Severus whispered back and several of their nearest classmates turned away from the show in the hall to look their way.
"What's wrong with him?"
"Loony Lupin's finally gone mad, hasn't he," Mulciber whispered.
At those words, Lily looked back at Severus. "You cursed him? Is this what you meant?"
Next to him, Theophilus Avery curled his lips into a cruel smile. "Everyone will see him for what he is now."
"What did you do to him? Make it stop, Severus!"
"I didn't do anything."
"Avery and Mulciber, then."
"You can’t blame us for Lupin’s weaknesses. It's bad blood, Evans."
"Stop it. Severus, help him. You can't--"
"I think you'll find that I can."
Next to her, Remus shut his eyes and twisted his head to the side, his lips still moving. His hand clutched at his desk, his knuckles gone white. His quill feather bent and snapped.
"Remus?"
"I'm okay, Lily," he whispered.
"What is going on here?" Professor Vector asked as he came back into the room. He stood near the door next to Iana, her cheeks bright pink as she stared at Lily. "Mr. Lupin? Miss Evans? Explain yourselves."
"It was Mulciber, sir," Iana said. "He started it."
Nobody said anything. Avery and Mulciber stared down at their desks, Mulciber sliding his wand out of sight into his sleeve. Next to them Severus straightened in his chair and turned his face from Lily. She looked instead to Remus, who sat trembling, sweat on his forehead as he smoothed out the broken feather of his quill.
"Started what, Miss Halley?"
"I'm not sure, sir. Only just--" Lily watched as Remus gave a sharp shake of his head and Iana's words trailed off. "I'm not sure," she said again.
"Mr. Lupin?" Professor Vector asked again and again Remus shook his head. "Mr. Avery? You're always quite keen to give out the answers. No? Since no one seems to know what happened but everyone seems to have had time to participate, everyone may have part of the punishment. Finish the even problem sets between pages 192 and 200."
"It was just a joke, sir," Avery finally said.
"If you have time for jokes, Mr. Avery, then you have time to work as well. Finish all of the problem sets between pages 192 and 200. Before the next class. That's all. You're dismissed."
Remus stood with some effort amidst the grumblings of his fellow classmates and the sound of chairs scraping across the floor and bags being opened and closed. Lily reached for him again but he stopped her with a raised hand. "I'm alright, Lily."
"Maybe you should go to the infirmary, Remus."
"No," he said, his face tightly controlled now though pale. "I'm okay. Only just tired."
"What did they do to you?"
"It was just a prank. Revenge, right?"
"For what?"
"Perhaps you should ask Potter and Black to list their crimes," Severus hissed.
"Severus--" Lily called but Severus didn't stop walking away from them.
Remus was still shaking, his eyes distant, but he brushed off Lily's concern with soft, gentle words and a strange, faraway smile that fell from his lips almost immediately. She remembered he had been the same way earlier, after Transfiguration, and almost convinced herself that the whole incident had been nothing--had almost never happened. Lily walked to the Great Hall by herself, though she knew Alice and Iana followed her closely. She started to sit in her same spot at the table but saw James and went to sit next to him instead. James stopped talking mid-sentence, his hand, raised in some gesture, hung in the air as he turned to look at her.
"Did Evans actually just sit next to me of her own free will?" he asked Sirius.
"Where's Remus?"
"He said he wasn't hungry," Lily said. "He was going back up to the tower."
"Wanker," Sirius mumbled as he stabbed a piece of potato on his plate. "I told him to stay there to begin with."
"He didn't look well. He said--" Lily faltered, looking across the Great Hall to where Severus sat at the Slytherin table. She knew Sirius would take revenge if she said anything and her mouth worked around it. "He said he might be getting sick, or something," she said, stumbling over her words. Finally, she put her hands flat on the table and looked up at Sirius. "He looked really bad when I left him. I think something was really wrong."
Sirius didn't answer her or ask any questions. He only just dropped his fork and stood, walking out of the Great Hall without looking back and taking off at a run once he got to the doors. Lily watched him, her hands shaking, until he was gone.
"Did something happen, Lily?" James asked.
"Yes. In Arithmancy."
"Something with Remus?"
"Avery and Mulciber. And. Snape," she forced herself to say. "They placed a curse on him. It made him so strange. He fought it and they released him when Vector came back in but, I don't know. He said he was just tired but I don't know."
Before Lily could finish, James was out of his seat and taking off at a run for Gryffindor Tower, leaving her with Peter. Lily folded her hands in her lap and looked down at her empty plate, no longer hungry.
"He'll be okay, Lily," Peter said. "He always is."
"Severus said," Lily began, and then swallowed back her words. She turned to Peter, blinking around sudden tears. "Snape said that you played a prank on him a few months ago. That he knew now. That he knows, Peter."
Peter turned ashen and stood as well. "James will take care of it," he said. He smoothed down his robes, chancing a look to the Slytherin table, paling considerably. "He'll know what to do."
Lily watched as Peter left the Great Hall as well, moving much slower than either Sirius or James had. She sat by herself for a long time before she dug her mother's letter out and read the it's just so disappointing's and I don't want this for my girls's again, the page blurring but she felt somehow comforted by the pink stationary and her mum's careful handwriting--by the way that she said I love you at the end. Lily thought again of Peter's words, James will take care of it and somehow that comforted her, too. He would make sure everything was okay if Peter told him. She hoped he told him, but even if he didn't, it was easy to convince herself that it would still be okay.
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Update soon, please. This chapter cheered me up :)
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I'm sorry you needed cheered, but I'm glad this did the trick!
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Love this, as usual. But very, very curious as to what is going on.
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seriously, i want to cuddle it and wrap myself all around it & bake it chocolate chip cookies for breakfast... *g* anyway, what i really mean is: more please! ;)
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I adored this chapter. I can see how the boys move, serious and protective of their Remus, and how Lily can see it, how they move more like careful soldiers than like sixteen year old boys.
I don't know why I said soldiers. Maybe it's the strange ominous feeling here, like the war's already starting and no one but them can see it.
Sirius and the way he loves too hard; Remus and the way he can comfort someone when he's the one in trouble; Peter and his faith in James and his weariness of having to deal with everything; James and the faith he inspires.
GOD You just reminded me of why I love these boys so much. <3
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